Am i being irrational by being annoyed with my Fuck Buddy

[RocketQueen19]

ok so, myself and a former colleague , recently started exchanging very flirtatious messages, we are both separated, and decided to start getting together for some no strings attached sex, this suited me after coming out of a long relationship and (like most men) suited him also, he is not my type usually ( a bit older, used to be my boss, a bit tall/lanky/geeky) but there is clearly a sexual attraction.

We didn’t meet up for a few weeks due to me working away, but during that time he was coming across very caring, messaging me to check on my well being etc. , despite me commenting he didn’t need to and this was all no strings attached, he said he cared about me, which I thought was sweet.
We have hooked up a few times for sex and sex only, and he was quite caring making sure I was 100% sure I wanted to go ahead etc., so it felt like a safe place etc, ( I know we are both adults but still it made me feel very respected).

We hooked up again at the weekend and I didn’t really hear from him after , I know its no strings attached but still he was always so respectful and caring before, I sent a jokey message earlier about the no contact and he kind of brushed it off and said something along the lines of ‘ I guess we cant always talk every day’ which he is right in saying , but he kind of set the precedent of all of the regular messages checking on each other’s wellbeing ETC at the start of this, I sent a bit of a huffy message pretty much saying let’s just set the expectations of only messaging for pretty much a booty call, which he said worked for him etc, but I kind of feel annoyed, why could he not be like that in the first place instead of setting such a high standard?

I have never really had a fuck buddy before, am I being a bit unreasonable.

Also another thing we have talked a lot about our sexual desires before hooking up and I said how I like it a bit rough(hair pulling etc) and he seemed really turned on by it and said how he loves being all dominant , however when it came to it, he wasn’t really like that, really gentle etc.
Should I just bin it all off because he’s not really satisfying me anyway ?

I just don’t get the change in behaviour. ( im sorry if I sound Naïve , ive only really had long term releationships so I’m new to all this sexual fantasy/nsa stuff)

Is that really any better?
What about bonk bestie?

So just to be clear, he was being caring and sending you lots of messages, you told him he didn't need to do that as it was no strings sex only, he stopped doing it and started treating your arrangement as no strings sex only, and you are now annoyed he's done exactly what you told him to do?

This kind of flip flopping bullshit is the reason men think women are nuts.

My BF (jokingly) called me his ‘penetration partner’ before we became BF/GF

If you want a casual sex hookup it should involve good sex. You've told him what you liked in bed and he didn't even seem to attempt to do it.
So yeah. Not worth it.
Lesson learned. If you're upset that he's stopped messaging you a lot then it sounds like it was erring into more than fuck buddy territory emotionally. But the sex isn't even worth it so just block him.

Sounds like he started off as a fwb but has since changed to fb. But as you claim you want a fb, it's a tad unreasonable to be annoyed, if that's what you've told him you want.
But the point of a fb is to have great sex, so if the sex isn't that great to you, then there's no point really. Not being in a relationship exactly means you don't have to compromise on sex as other things are good, because there shouldn't be any other things with an fb.
You'd probably be better off finding a fwb situation, seems a jump to go from relationships only to fb, it's an adjustment. But again don't stick around if the sex is dull, move on.

You thought you were in control.

You were not.

You lost.

He didnt want to give it to her rough did he! Must be a right gent.

Copulation companion?

I think the concept of a fuck buddy is a bit flawed and can encompass lots of things. It means anything from a stranger who you have sex with at scheduled times through to someone who is a genuine friend and who you also have sex with. And of course, everything in between. I wouldn't expect texts from the first type of arrangement, but I'd find no contact from someone who is supposed to be my friend hurtful, especially if we were sleeping together. But also I understand that the expectations from friends are different to boyfriends, it's normal for friends to be in contact more when they have more time and less when they're busy, which isn't always acceptable in an established romantic relationship.

Personally I wouldn't be into a relationship where we don't message unless we want to arrange sex. I'm happy to sleep with people I'm not dating but it has to fit into some sort of pre-established relationship, like a genuine friendship.

Invited intercourser?

I wrote a similar post and wrote it like this f### and someone had a go at me saying your allowed to swear on here , I rarely use this site and I can see why now 🤔

First is he definitely single? Second are you both okay with both of you sleeping with other people, or not? You need to establish those two things first before you get involved in a casual relationship. Otherwise it paves the way for all kinds of hurt and misunderstanding.

I could never be in this sort of arrangement because I need to be very clear exactly what is going on but I'm not terribly good at communicating that, so without the formal structure of a relationship I would be constantly anxious. If you are not prepared to spell out exactly what you want and really mean it I don't think you're cut out for it either tbh.

Im all for bad language but i know a lot of people dont like to see it. Bunch of cunts.

Whatever you want to call him - let's call him Freddy the fuck shall we. I think he's probably realised two things. First, that he doesn't have to invest all the caring and concern in order to get into your knickers. Second, that your relationship is going nowhere but the bedroom.

Don’t leave us hanging, roses. Where’s the link? 😂

😂

I'm using bonk buddy from now on 😂

despite me commenting he didn’t need to and this was all no strings attached

So you literally told him that he doesn't need to care or message you, and now you are annoyed that he is not caring or messaging you?

It sounds like you don't know what it is that you want. Lots of women say that are cool with FB type situationships (whatever you want to call them), but the reality is that most women aren't built for these types of relationships. When reality bites and the man starts treating them like a whore, they don't like it.

@RocketQueen19 It sounds like he is just following your lead. You said he didn’t need to check in on you, which he probably took to mean you didn’t want that and so he stopped.

I think you need to set some clear defined parameters for your arrangement. If ‘no strings’ sex is all you are really looking for then keep the texting to booty calls only.

If you have only hooked up a couple of times then you probably haven’t found your groove yet, so to speak, sex wise. You said he likes being dominant and you like it rough so it sounds like you are compatible. Maybe he is just waiting for you to initiate. If you do decide to hook up again, maybe try guiding his hand to your neck or asking him to pull your hair. Once he sees you are in to it he should start to take control. Before you start decide on a safe word you can both use if you don’t like something. That way he will know he isn’t ’going to far’ and it will also signal to him that you want things to get a bit rougher without you having to spell it out to him. 😜

@RocketQueen19 I disagree with most of the posters. I suspect he likes you and wants more, he's trying to make out he's disinterested so you'll react, which you are 🤷‍♀️

This.

@Waitingfordoggo porking! 🧐🤣🤣 not heard that since I was about 15

@roses321 was highly entertaining too, go girl! 🤣

I pulled that out of the depths of my brain 😂