Why is my exh apologising now?

[fortygin]

So long story short, my h and I split 7 years ago after an 25 year relationship, after his mistress wrote me a letter informing me of their year long affair.
we have had an up and down parenting relationship where we get on ok most of the time but I eventually filed for divorce 4 months ago and he cut me off completely. I only hear from him briefly about our 4 dc or when he wants to berate me about perceived wrongdoings ie going out to lunch with my daughter for her 18th birthday ( when he was on a city break with his mistress) but not inviting his parents. That time I was called ‘rude, ill mannered and selfish’.
today he came to my house to drop of our son after football and asked to talk privately.
he proceeded to tell me he needed to apologise for what he did 7 years ago and that he’s not sleeping as it’s all that he can think about and is sorry he just didn’t talk about issues he had rather than have an affair!
I thanked him and said it meant a lot as he has narcissistic tendencies. He’s still with his mistress and I’ve got a SO as well.
id be lying if I said this didn’t make me sad though and wonder why now?! Should I just let this go?

He wants something. Why not write a list of the top 5 things it might be - 4 of which are probably money - so you can play Twat Bingo?

Do not go down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out the actions of a self serving arsehole, whatever his motives it won’t involve your well being.

This!!! I wouldn't even give it headspace.

Keep everything factual

He is looking for a back up plan.

Could he be ill?

If so, perhaps it’s made him think about things and he now sees himself/what happened in a different light.

And you’ve said he’s still with his affair partner but you don’t know if they’re happy together or if he’s unhappy enough to have regrets.

People get older and things happen that can make them see things differently.

Unfortunately I agree. Please don't entertain the idea

The same reason he left in the first place. The grass is greener again. New life isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Kids are now grown, and you finally filing for the divorce is a full stop at the end of that chapter of his life. And it turns out it was probably the best chapter of his life regardless of what he told himself at the time.

He wants something…

I've been broken up from my abusive, narcissistic ex for nearly 10 years, he has on and off said things like that, he's happy for me when I've met my now husband, he couldn't make me happy, I deserve better, then gone back to calling me 'greedy' for claiming child support, evil and lazy for having a child with my new husband and did I expect him to pay for it.

He called me a greedy c* 3 days before my wedding and then on my wedding day told me he was genuinely happy for me 😂 I don't think it means anything. I would 10000% forget it.

He's game playing as well as the England team this evening. Not well.

Sounds like a spoilt, entitled man baby who has suddenly realised he left something precious and now it's too late. Eurgh. Don't engage. Leave him to it, the arrogance of these men 😆 as if you've just been sitting there, for seven years, waiting for his apology and for him to come home. How big is the ego on it.

😂😂😂

He doesn’t want you to divorce him. Will he owe you money OP? Does he have any right to the house you live in? Does he think you’ll retrospectively claim CM after divorce? Or maybe he thinks you’re well off now, earning more than OW, and he would have a cushier life with you.

we own house jointly but I’ve been paying mortgage solely for 7 years so my solicitor is confident that he will have to sign over the house. His mum had bought a house for him and he’s paying her rent so is quite settled.
He HAS been dragging his feet with regards to financial discovery, so I have a feeling they are hiding something.
i am settled with my oh but want to secure my own life after years of relying and living for my ex.
A small part of me is hoping he is experiencing even a percentage of the hurt and grief I have felt over the years.

He wants a way back in. He's not sorry.

I wouldn't spend another second of your time thinking about him.

I wish you'd said, "Thanks - do you regret threatening me over child maintenance? Do you wish you hadn't forced me into funding all of the children's costs?"

Play it nice to get the divorce through OP.
But know this man is the enemy. He only cares about himself.

He never paid any CM for his DC in 7 years? An absolute disgrace.

I think he wants to leave OW. How she can stand to be with a man who doesn’t contribute financially to his DC I’ll never know. But she deserves him. Don’t take him off her hands.

💐

Yup. What a piece of crap of a human he is!
Op accept the apology as you deserve it and then move on - he wants to be taking up space in
Your head like this , don't let him

If he’s not trying to come back he’s trying to butter you up as you’ve filed for divorce and he’s realised that he could lose lots, so the mistress has put a flea in his ear.

Thank you all. I know I’ve been daft over cm but I honestly am so proud that I did it myself. He’s argues over every school uniform, request for money to feed kids in holidays and my every move is calculated by is mother as to how much it would cost.

I’m lucky to have gotten 4 wonderful dc out of the marriage and since I asked him to leave, I’ve embraced my career and worked my ass off to gain the respect of my employers and move up the chain of command.
my OH is wonderful and I have so much to look forward too.
I suppose I had a lucky escape but im
givung it too much headspace as to why now?!

Yes you should claim and if he tries to bully you use his money to send a very stern letter threatening a non molestation order, and if he doesn't stop then you actually get one

So he’s not sleeping! Well how terrible for him.

My ex-DH apologised to me (via Friends Reunited if anyone can remember that) and I hadn’t seen him for over 5 years. In which time I’d remarried & had 2 toddlers. I know it’s a different circumstance, but I think he felt if he just said sorry, it’d make up for the 11 years of abuse & being controlled. He’d decided at the end of our relationship to unburden himself & tell me all the times he’d cheated because, you know, he owed me the truth. As it was in our relationship, it was all about him. Poor him, he’d been depressed, he’d had a bad childhood-and now he’d had therapy so all fixed. The only thing I regretted was spending the 5 minutes reading the self absorbed diatribe he’d thought was going make me fall at his feet. What a knob. In my experience, men like him always want something from you. Just like the whole relationship. If he genuinely wanted to apologise he’d get on with the divorce and let you be happy.

It could be anything but he's definitely after something OP, probably triggered by the divorce. Keep steady and plough on and don't go easy on him. They're fishing for your income for a reason.

Perhaps if feels final to him? Door has closed and no chance to come back?

I have heard of men genuinely regretting their behaviour and treatment of ex wife, it's rare but it does happen. Is he close to a milestone age?

well he’s 14 months off his 50th birthday and had the affair the year he turned 40.
we had been together since we were 15 and 16 and I assumed the affair was him wanting to see his wild oats as we had only ever been with each other so you have a point!!