To be paranoid or not about his female friend

[Alicew00]

My boyfriend is the best I had ever. But tonight made me paranoid. We met up with his long time female friend who lives abroad. She's really nice met her a few times. Around 3 hours into being there for a few drinks he says I should go home. Take my 12 yo home. I thought yes I am work early the next day too. Even though his female friend has a temporary job here and also has to get up early. Anyway his other friend (male) was there and I went home. My bf said he won't be long. Around 2 and half hours later he text me saying he was waiting for a pizza and heading home. Then he text me 50 mins after that saying he was on the way but the taxi usually only takes 10 mins or less. It took half an hour. I'll ask him tomorrow if they ended up going anywhere else when I left. I'm just worried because I've been cheated on before. And my other relationship was domestic abuse and violence.

I can see why, having been cheated on in the past, you might feel uneasy about this situation but from what you have said it seems unlikely to be anything more than friends catching up and loosing track of time.

I would be honest with him about your paranoia, he should understand if he is aware of your past and should be able to reassure you.

The part I'm not keen on isn't him staying out with his mates, I don't think there's a cheating implications or anything there, but, I'm not fond of him suggesting that you go home?
Not like you said, 'oh, I'm knackered, do you fancy coming with now or staying on a bit?'
He actually outright pretty much said 'right, we're all staying out but I think it's time you were tucked up in bed, so byeee'?!
Seems a bit rude in a way. I'd say that would be the part I'd be a bit offended by.

Yeah I didn't like that either. Felt like a child being told to go to bed. He said like it you get going I won't be long

I don't think he cheated I think they did blow

That's not v good. He said he would send me some money towards rent and bills too yesterday as he does every month but he hasn't. I had to ask him to go get me some things from the shop as we're out and he still hasn't sent any. He mentioned it a few times yesterday

How old are you both?
How long have you been together?
What time was it when he told you to go home?
Was your 12-YO child with you?

The money and rent thing is a different situation.
Are you living together?
Do you have any agreements about his share of rent and utilities?

I 100% would be asking questions. That all sounds so dodgy.

This all sounds a bit seedy.

Do you live together? Was your 12 year old out with you for these drinks? Do they have school today?

I went home at 7 pm we'd been out since 4 ISH and he lives me but still has his own home with a house mate

Why is this?

Was your child with you for drinks?

The child being there makes a difference, I think - he probably wanted to catch up with his friend without having to censor his conversation.

I didn't drink it was at a pub we had a meal too

I don’t think he cheated, he probably just wanted a grown up catch up without a child, it’s not unreasonable to suggest taking a 12 year old home at a sensible time to get ready for school the next day.

What time did he arrive home?

Roughly quarter to 1 in the morning

To yours or his@Alicew00 ?

Yes but isn't because she had her 12 year old son with them? I can absolutely see that the child needs to go to bed! As he was with two of his friends it makes sense that she takes the child home and he stays out. The child is hers, not his, I assume.

I expect the child wanted to go home anyway! He'd been out for three hours with his mum's boyfriend and the boyfriend's mates. I'm pretty sure that was long enough. My 11 year old DS wouldn't be enjoying it!

This. I would be annoyed if I went for a catch up with a friend and their boyfriend / girlfriend turned up with their child in tow. Most of the things we'd want to talk about would be off the table until the child left 😂

I think this outcome could have been predicted and could have been agreed on before you met up, was he happy with you DC coming along to this meet up?

Would his answer change anything though? Surely if he says they went somewhere else afterwards, if you believe he cheated you'd think that was a lie. Sounds more like he didn't want the child around but didn't want to be rude enough to explicitly say so.

Err it was his idea to bring child along actually. And they all were very nice about and the child enjoyed themselves.

Is it possible that he deliberately invited the child so that he could send you home early?

Yes and you all spent three enjoyable hours together. Understandably they probably wanted some grown up time together after that. Having a child there does change the dynamic and limit what can be discussed.

Or maybe OP just had no choice but to bring the child? Not everyone has childcare options. I can imagine she had to take care of her child, her partner said said "Oh it's fine, bring him along!" but then there came a time when the grown ups wanted a grown up evening.