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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Caught him lying... a big one. And being generally flrude and antisocial

37 replies

Badwood · 11/07/2024 22:46

Hey, if anyone is out there, I could do with a chat. Long term partner has admitted to lying today. Also has been acting strangely for at least 6-8 weeks... I have tried to get hold of family and friends to talk to once I was out of earshot, but can't find anyone IRL.

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/07/2024 22:47

Acting strangely. Could you elaborate please? Do you suspect him of cheating?

Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 22:48

He secretly bought tickets to something. Booked a days holiday, but lied, and said he was on a business trip. A few days ago I started asking questions. Nothing direct though, because he has lied before and is good at gaslighting... I'm trying to calm down before I go to bed.

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/07/2024 22:53

Hmm I understand why you are shaken by this. What were the tickets for? How many and how did you find out?

Fraaahnces · 11/07/2024 22:54

I think you need to assume he’s cheating then. Sorry. He won’t have purchased them for Barry from the pub or Mike from work.

Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 22:55

He finally admitted to having got one ticket for the event. Basically he said he didn't tell me bc I am a killjoy... when i called him out on it and said I'd come too, he tried to focus on me rummaging in his bag to find stuff... but I just called his bluff about the second ticket

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/07/2024 22:55

He sounds awful

Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 22:56

Fraaahnces · 11/07/2024 22:54

I think you need to assume he’s cheating then. Sorry. He won’t have purchased them for Barry from the pub or Mike from work.

Yes, I agree. Of course

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/07/2024 22:56

Well if he had wouldn’t he have just said I’m going with Barry from work

Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 22:57

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/07/2024 22:55

He sounds awful

I know... and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/07/2024 22:57

So what is happening now then?

Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 22:58

He believes that by fessing up with some kind of bull that everything should be fine

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 11/07/2024 22:58

Badwood · 11/07/2024 22:57

I know... and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Show quote history

If this is the tip of the iceberg, then you know what you have to do...

Sorry he's been such a bastard.

Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 22:59

I think he's constructing a scenario where I crack

OP posts:
xTheLoudLeaderx · 11/07/2024 23:01

So he’s been away and told you he was on a business trip ?
Ask him who he went with ? And why he felt the need to lie to you, and state that you don’t deserve that behaviour and you won’t accept it.

whats he doing now ? Gone to bed like normal ?

Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 23:04

xTheLoudLeaderx · 11/07/2024 23:01

So he’s been away and told you he was on a business trip ?
Ask him who he went with ? And why he felt the need to lie to you, and state that you don’t deserve that behaviour and you won’t accept it.

whats he doing now ? Gone to bed like normal ?

He fessed up before going off on his pretend work trip. Yes, he went ro bed as normal. Though he looked furious and was short tempered with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 23:07

Sometimes in May he suddenly started exercising furiously, daily. Sometimes twice a day. Doesn't have time to deal with really important things at home... rearranged a family holiday, and once I was stranded, had a few unscheduled nights out. Gave unbelievable excuses. It's all out of the norm.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 23:08

I'm just shakey. Palms sweaty. Feet are too.

OP posts:
xTheLoudLeaderx · 11/07/2024 23:10

Badwood · 11/07/2024 23:04

He fessed up before going off on his pretend work trip. Yes, he went ro bed as normal. Though he looked furious and was short tempered with me.

Show quote history

Oh no sorry to hear he’s done that to you. So did he not tell you about the second ticket though you’ve just found that out and he’s blamed you for “looking” …
I really don’t get how people can behave like this then blame their partner - it’s not a good trait, makes you feel like crap - then to storm off to bed is childish!
I’d sleep downstairs and deal with him tomorrow night, give yourself some head space before talking to him. He clearly thinks your wrapped round his finger. Especially if he’s been strange for 6+ weeks, and he’s openly admitting to lying to your face - NOT COOL !

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/07/2024 23:10

It all sounds very suspicious to me but whatever it is it sounds like he is gaslighting you and getting ready to blame you for everything.

Katej82 · 11/07/2024 23:11

What has he lied about before? Are you sure he wasn't trying to surprise you and it was ruined can you add a bit more detail? are there other things you are noticing lately changes

Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 23:14

xTheLoudLeaderx · 11/07/2024 23:10

Oh no sorry to hear he’s done that to you. So did he not tell you about the second ticket though you’ve just found that out and he’s blamed you for “looking” …
I really don’t get how people can behave like this then blame their partner - it’s not a good trait, makes you feel like crap - then to storm off to bed is childish!
I’d sleep downstairs and deal with him tomorrow night, give yourself some head space before talking to him. He clearly thinks your wrapped round his finger. Especially if he’s been strange for 6+ weeks, and he’s openly admitting to lying to your face - NOT COOL !

Show quote history

Correct. He didn't admit to the second ticket. I knew something was up... I toll him to fess up and we could move on.. actually, one morning I said 'do you think you're doing the right thing', and said to think about it dueing the day. He played innocent etc and ignored the question. I reminded him later on and again he denied understanding what I was talking about.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 23:16

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/07/2024 23:10

It all sounds very suspicious to me but whatever it is it sounds like he is gaslighting you and getting ready to blame you for everything.

Yes. Gaslighting. He is better verbally than me. I get tongue tied and cross.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 23:18

Katej82 · 11/07/2024 23:11

What has he lied about before? Are you sure he wasn't trying to surprise you and it was ruined can you add a bit more detail? are there other things you are noticing lately changes

A friend was insistent that he was going to surprise me, but he has confirmed what I thought. He had no intention of taking me. He reckoned he was going with two blokes from work, but had two jot three tix.

I haven't spoilt his surprise. He didn't want me there. Didn't want me knowing he was going either.

OP posts:
VJBR · 11/07/2024 23:24

Do you have kids, mortgage or shared finances. Would it be easy to separate.

Original poster
Badwood · 11/07/2024 23:25

VJBR · 11/07/2024 23:24

Do you have kids, mortgage or shared finances. Would it be easy to separate.

Yes and no, it would not be easy

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