Just fed up and venting

[EveryonesMother]

I am just fed up....sorry
Fed up of always being in trouble for small things.
My moto has always been dont sweat the small stuff.
Lifes too short.

But.....

I have just been ranted at for throwing an empty plastic bread bag in the bin that had been stuffed down the side of the cutlery tray.
Its just silly.😁
I was emptying the dishwasher putting cuttlery away, saw it, thought someone in the house was just too lazy to bin it so i did. {there are teens in the house, normal stuff} like empty cereal boxes etc.
But apparently OH had put it there to use for something later. Now i am being ranted at for "touching his things" I apparently do it all the time.
I would call it tidying up. When he leaves empty beer cans, old newspapers etc.....same thing?? or not?
Hes been slamming doors, slamming things down hard, basically stomping his feet like a child whose had his tot taken away.
Twice this week i have been "chastised" over my parking on the drive. Its a large drive for 4-5 cars but i didnt park exactly like he wanted hence a rant.

It gets very wearing when little things constantly lead to being spoken to like c*
Im tired of these outbursts. I dont deserve them.
Im so over men!

Sorry peeps. Rant over.
Thank you for being here.
X

He's an abuser.

He’s a nasty controlling abusive cunt - that’s the only answer here.

Surely you want better from life than being treated like a piece of shit?

He's slamming doors and stomping around over a used bread bag?! He sounds deranged.

Yep...a used bread bag .
But he was saving it!! ffs
MEN1

He is using any small, imperceptible slight to be a bully.

He likes doing this

He likes you being made to feel in trouble

He sounds like a rather pathetic man who has little status out of the house so he is going to make sure he is top dog in it.

Question is what are you going to do?

It’s not a ‘men ffs’ situation. It’s a nasty controlling horrid childish bully of a man situation. Laugh in his face, tell him to grow the fk up and never leave a bread bag in the cutlery drawer again as that’s not where they belong. Take that control back. You can do it.
when he moans about the parking, hand him the car key and say ‘you’re very welcome to re-park it if you’d like but don’t speak to me like that again’

It's not acceptable to be slamming around over a bread bag, if I had saved something and not told DP and he had thrown it away he would have told me he's not a mind reader!

For perspective I accidentally ruined my DP tshirt today, I apologised and told him I'd buy him a new one, to which he told me not to be silly. Your husband is slamming around over an bread bag....

Thats what i said.....Im not psychic. It was rubbish.

And the car situation...he actually did repark the car, by about about 2 feet forward....made his point.

Now hes ranting about tools not being put away in his shed after my son has been sanding the kitchen worktops. We are not the perfect humans he wants.

This is NOT normal, or in any way acceptable, agreed he's abusive. Get out of the relationship asap.

Omg my partner does the exact same thing with the parking on our large drive. Will have a go at me as I haven't parked in the exact spot he wants so he can easily get into the space he wants. Mine also likes to storm around and slam doors but then pretends he's not in a mood and I'm being paranoid.

My partner would also have a go at me when he can't find stuff because I end up having to put everything away and clean up after him. Also put down for not drying glasses straight away that he had used when I was doing a favour even cleaning them in the first place. Sorry I'm not giving much advice but maybe it helps to know you aren't alone and he is 100% controlling/abusive. I'm trying to leave but its easier said than done when you have been worn down and gaslight.

Nah mate, this is not "MEN", this isn't normal. It's abusive, don't just fob this off as "oh these silly men, whatever shall we do with them". Don't give him a pass to be a cunt just because he's a man, that's awful.

Obsessive behaviour like this could be a sign of something going on with him mentally, it's obviously not normal to be possessive over rubbish or this anal over parking, but even so it's absolutely no excuse to verbally abuse you.

In 18 years I've never been "in trouble" with my husband because he's not my boss, we're equals. Nobody should be scolding anybody in a relationship, that's not how adults communicate with eachother.

So when are you leaving this miserable human being who enjoys tearing you down?

If only it were that easy when you are entangled in business, home, finances, children, animals etc.

Please call Women's Aid or try to get some counselling if you can. You are being abused.

It’s not easy to leave but it’s a damn sight harder overall to stay with an abuser. No obstacle is insurmountable. What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. What are you getting out of this relationship?.

I spent last night in the spare room after another drunken ranting.
I called him on my way home from work to ask if we needed any shopping, I was then dropping in at home to feed the animals and my son then going on the collect him from the pub.
Its 25 mins home. I was 30 mins at home, drove to pub, had a chat with someone in the car park and walked in to a row about how long I had been.
How it was my fault he was drunk because i had taken so long etc....in front of the bar staff and someone else who walked away.
I walked out. After a long day at work i didnt need it.
Someone asked me if he was alright?
Then two of his drinking friends came to me at the car and asked if I was alright.
I knew there would be more when he got home.
There was.
I was yelled at, ridiculed, called a liar, told I live on 'PLANET BLONDE' all because i didnt tell him how long i would be.
He knew i was coming from work. I told him i was going home first. The math is easy. He didnt have to stay and wait for me.

If he read this he would probably say i was deluded, a liar, that my version of events is not reality.....

This morning he has text asking if we are going for lunch with his family? like nothing happened!

Sometimes i feel like i am losing my mind

So he's an alchoholic too. That will make everything worse. Not all men are like this, you know.

Yes, it's unacceptable and miserable. But I do find the predictable LTB advice rather depressing. It's an answer - it might even be the answer - but......

I think he's like this because he's unhappy - frustrated. So he's taking it out on you because you're there. He probably doesn't see the impact it is having and feels he's entirely justified in what he does and how he does it, because he is the victim - of something.

I can't begin to guess whether this stems from your relationship or is completely unrelated, but he needs to be brought into a position where he can see for himself that he's being a tw*t. Then he can opt to do something about it, or go. But I think he needs to see that these are the options, as clearly the current status quo is unsustainable.

Can you stand up to him OP?

As in can you calmly and firmly say, when he isn't hungover

"It is never MY fault YOU are drunk"

Can you point out these things?
Or just send him a long text sonhe can't interrupt you?

What do you want to do?

Do you want him out of your day to day life? .

@EveryonesMother can he not have a special box/drawer for his little "treasure's"? God he sounds like a right arse. Sending hugs 🫂 💐 🙏

Having a big strop about a bread bag?? No, not all men are like that, just the horrible, bad tempered ones. This really isn’t normal.

You will lose all your sense of self if you choose to remain with this man. This is who he is, an alcoholic abuser and he is not going to change.

It is also not your task to show him he is being a twat. He knows you you feel and he does not care.

He's probably texts you about lunch because he was so drunk he had no recollection of his poor behaviour last night.

I would start untangling your lives if I were you (and I was and left). You only have one life, why waste yours with this horrible person who doesn't respect you