How did you know your partner was a good 'un?

[Dogmum47]

Just that really. How did you know your partner was a kind and trustworthy person, what were the green flags? I haven't had much luck with my previous dating history and long term relationship so looking for a bit of positivity that I might meet a good man! Anything to run from might be handy too in fairness 😂

He wasn't put off that I brought my sister with me to meet him. Offered to buy her lunch also.

When we first decided to spend the night, my mum was on holiday. I'm disabled and couldn't access the boiler. He didn't bat an eyelid when his now MIL told him that if he was going to be staying overnight, he'd better come and learn where the boiler/rcd panel etc. were.

Then when my mum came home, cooked us both dinner and happily looked at all her holiday pictures.

He just fitted in like he'd always been there.

Offered to take PTO to stay overnight when my mum had surgery, so I I wasn't alone.

once when I was really low when we’d just started seeing each other he put me in his van and drove me to a high place where he knew there was a big murmuration. Stopped to pick up fish and chips on the way. Needed nothing back from me at all but to see me feel better, and did the most perfect thing I could have thought of to to help me get there. We bicker like fuck and can’t collaborate on some of the most simple jobs, but I love him completely.

I got pregnant 6 months into our relationship, but then had a miscarriage. He cried as much as me. Then he drove to my parents house to tell them in person as he didn't want to tell them over the phone.

20 years married now, and he's still the most decent man I've ever met.

He was punctual. I didn’t know him before our first date but lots of my work circle did and every single person, man or woman, said he was lovely. Almost all of his staff had worked for him for over 5 years. He loved his mum, dad, sisters and dog. His profession involves dealing with very angry and upset people at the lowest financial points in their lives. He always took the phone calls from these people, even when he isn’t professionally obliged to so so, and never fobbed the difficult people off to his staff. He told dad jokes, even before being a dad.

Instinct and I opened my eyes and didnt lose my brain just because we got together

He didn't put a foot wrong, was respectful to me and my parents and treated me like I was someone special to him that he wanted to spend time with. When he was based away he would travel 400 miles to come and see me every weekend.

Not long after he used to drive down for three to see me at weekends and a uni friend asked me if he would give her a lift back. Afterwards she said all he talked about was me for most of the journey and she was bored to death.

He fitted. From day 1 he just fitted - like a jigsaw piece. No games, no fuss, no nonsense. It was like all the cogs slotted into place and the relationship started moving - it felt inevitable. It was almost like an ‘Ahh, there you are. Let’s go home’ moment.

Second marriage for both of us. We met online, and when I found out where he worked, I phoned a friend to ask whether he was OK. When we first arranged to meet and he told me where he lived, I said pick me up on the way. “Is that wise?” he asked, “You don’t know me”. I thought his concern for my well-being was very endearing, and so it has proved - he has never let me down, and always has my interests at heart. Three weeks after I met him, he took me to Paris, which I thought was fabulously romantic - and we just had such a good time, so I knew he was a keeper. He was also not put off by my teenage children, who like all teenagers, had their moments!

We were young and didn't drive. He'd walk me to the bus stop, sit on the bus with me, get off the bus, walk to the next bus stop, get on that bus, get off, walk me to my parents' front door, deposit me on the doorstep with a kiss.
And turn right round and catch the 2 buses back to his parents' house.

We were 17 and I didn't like travelling in the dark because of lots of intimidation and cat calling, he made sure I was safe because he cared.

I will say though, other people would probably describe it as controlling or something else.

But we're 15 years in, married for 10, and it's mostly been wonderful, he's my biggest cheerleader!

So many lovely stories here 😍 nice start to the day! Giving me a little hope that a nice man exists out there 😊

He has absolutely no “front”. What you see is what you get. I very quickly realised that, as nobody would put on his mannerisms or behaviour which are a bit unusual! But he is so positive, so kind, so naturally caring. So without ego or defensiveness. Doesn’t hate women - actually thinks men tend to be quite shit!

I can't think of any one particular moment, but over the years he proved himself to be kind, thoughtful and hard working. We took it slowly to begin with. We've been together for 27 years now and I still love him to bits.

I've been with my partner for 25 years and brought up three kids together - but seeing the gentle care he's given to his ailing mother over the last few months has reinforced what a lovely man he is. Sounds mad to have that realisation so long into a relationship, but there you are.

My divorce to my ex took a while (covid/house sale). My DP knew every detail of my finance battles. He made spreadsheets for me to illustrate everything so that I could understand it better as it was quite complicated. Every time my ex wrote me yet another ah#tty email related to the divorce, my DP sent me a reply for him (I was too upset to think straight). So all my communication to my ex was actually written by my DP, and as he works in finance, he knew what he was talking about. I knew then that I loved this man who came to my rescue every time.

Geeky, loves reading.
Generous with time and money.
Empathic and kind to others.
Automatically helps strangers eg lifting prams downstairs, starting cars, opening doors, generous to other drivers on the road.
Gentle, loves babies and pets.
I think that caring about others/ strangers/ disadvantaged individuals is the most important thing. Exes who have shown any enjoyment at the misfortune of others have always turned out to be bad eggs even if kind and lovely towards me.

Lots of things.. everything really. He’s a kind, decent human being who has always gone out of his way to make me and the DC happy.

I think I agree about kindness to strangers etc being the most important thing. That's one of the things my ex wasn't and would go off at strangers for making a mistake when driving etc and it just made me realise he wasn't a very kind person, which then feeds into other aspects of life!

My DH and I met when we were young so it's a bit difficult to identify within the excitement of teenage romance!

But, I had an operation when I was 19 and was really poorly, readmitted to hospital. DH didn't drive and it was before we lived together but he took two buses and about a 3 hour round trip each day to come and sit with me. He also insisted on staying with me whilst I had minor surgery on the ward, and helped me get dressed/undressed. That felt like a big thing to me.

Otherwise, 18 years on, he's just very much my person - he's funny, we share key beliefs, he's kind and patient with me and a wonderful father.

I am very pleased with our life 😊

Together 14 years, 3 of which were long distance.
He was my rock when Mum died.
He does all the "people" admin stuff without being asked because I struggle badly with it.
He does all the grocery shopping when I'm feeling agoraphobic and panicky.
He just cracks on and does things.
And he still buys me flowers and little things I've mentioned in passing "just because".
As above, he listens to me.
He makes me laugh.
He makes me feel safe.
He's the best cat dad (we're child-free by choice).
And he's 15 years older and autistic himself - I'm sure there are days when he'd rather take things a bit easy but because my health and conditions (physical, mental and ND) are worsening, he goes out of his way to make life easier for me knowing it's not so easy for him either.

He learnt early on that I like a cup of tea in bed first thing and he has never once in five years failed to get one for me. Plus my dogs loved him immediately.

We just found it really easy being together. No drama, no game-playing, just completely open and honest with each other and on the same page since day one. He's my best friend and I still get excited to come to him every day 😊

When one month in, I fell off my bike. I called him. I was really shaken and in pain. He was two hours away, and immediately dropped everything, drove to me, ran a warm bath, helped me into it, gently sponged all my grazes and bruises, gently washed the mud out of my hair, patted me dry (I couldn't move one arm), and tucked me into bed. He then tidied the whole house, because I said knowing things were a mess was stressing me, arranged dinner and went out to buy that anti-bruise cream and a bunch of comfort snacks I'd asked for. He stayed over and cared for me like that for three days, helping me dress and undress, and doing every tiny task for me, until I got some mobility back.

What if they are a truly terrible driver though? Plenty of people on the road with no awareness or ability whatsoever.

He showed me who he was by turning up on time, calling when he said he would and generally never letting me down or giving me any cause to doubt him. He never made me feel bad about myself or worthless by what he said or how he acted towards me and instead made me feel beautiful, safe and loved.

He isn't perfect but he's pretty damn close!

We met when he was 18 and I was 21. He was at college with two jobs so straight away I knew he was a hard worker. We were on the phone one day and I heard a baby in the background. I said who’s that thinking omg he’s got a child and he said my little brother. When he took me round to meet his mum and I saw how he was with his baby brother I knew