How did you know your partner was a good 'un?

[Dogmum47]

Just that really. How did you know your partner was a kind and trustworthy person, what were the green flags? I haven't had much luck with my previous dating history and long term relationship so looking for a bit of positivity that I might meet a good man! Anything to run from might be handy too in fairness 😂

@Musicaltheatremum Haha so does Mine! Our Spare room is also like Screwfix, the amount of tools is unreal.. 🙈

Has only been together a couple of months and his Valentine's Day gift to me was just perfect. And I realised he understood me

Just said let's do something and we'd do it . No umming and ahhing shall we go on holiday? Where? When ok? Let's book.

And yes the dog just accepted him, no odd behaviour no barking just sort of went he's a good egg don't fuck this one up!

When we met he was dating someone else, and she was on holiday.

I didn't get so much as a hand hold until he had finished it with her, properly and face to face.

Lovely thread idea!

Firstly, we share a (quite strange) sense of humour. Then, when my father was dying he was there every step of the way- often involving long road trips with little notice, and never complained. He just quietly did what needed to be done. (I call him Captain Logistics- it's his super power.) Lastly- he is one of the few people that I am confident would do the right thing whether they were being watched or not.

I'd had a few relationships with unreliable arseholes previously and had had my heart broken really badly. Finally, I found myself wondering if I was mistaking something else for passion and deep connection. It was my mum who one day remarked that she had gone through something similar before meeting my dad and realising that she 'didn't trust that fire in the blood feeling' any more.

My children liked him. This was fundamental. I wanted a proper committed relationship, the children came as part of the package with me, we'd been friends for a while, and our children from our previous marriages had already met one another so there was no question of doing the Mumsnet-approved thing of not introducing the poor sensitive little souls to my paramour until they were about 25. If the children had had reservations, the relationship wouldn't have gone anywhere.

He was also very straightforward, no messing around and no mind games and no hedging his bets. It was just suddenly so EASY. Once we'd agreed that we might be a good match for one another, he never gave me reason to doubt him. Almost 20 years on, he still hasn't.

I think just seeing how he treated people. He's kind to everyone, generous and helpful. When we first met, I was 17 and he was 20. He would take his mum to the supermarket so she didn't have to carry all the shopping. He would drive 40 minutes to pick up my gran for Sunday lunch so my mum didn't have to do it. When I went to his work parties, the ladies in his office told me he's the best boss they've ever had. I've never met anyone who doesn't like him. He's just lovely. 34 years on, I know I made the right decision picking him. He's a keeper ☺️

We'd chatted online for a few weeks before meeting and then met in a pub. Sat at a table. Chatted. I went to get us both another drink. When I came back he had moved into my seat and left his for me because where I had been sitting now had some men squashed up against it and he said he thought I might prefer his seat. I thought that was very sweet of him. He also walked me home. Even though he had his car. He said later he thought I might not want to get in a virtual stranger's car so offered to walk me back instead (I didn't live far). He was a sweetie. Still is twenty years later, mostly!

Put "genuine" in his online dating profile labels.

Care for the society, care for the environment, love plants, make charity donations.

No he didn't show too much passion at the beginning and yes he was late to our first date and didn't pay for the lunch, but I know from early on that he is a good person in his nature and someone I can trust and feel secure with.

It sounds so stupid and twee, but I know he has a good soul because animals and children gravitate to him and love him. From the moment my mum's miserly, bad tempered, anti social old dog fell in love with him and became his furry little shadow, I knew he was a good'un!

I just knew and I can't even really explain how. I knew that he was my "it" within 5 days of meeting him and he hadn't done anything out of the ordinary except for being him.

A few weeks after we got together I had food poisoning. So bad the dr was called out. There were poo marks on the bedding. He still loved me x

I walked in the house (my house at the time was one where you walked straight through the front door into the lounge) and a few minutes later he said he could smell dog poo on my shoes. He checked my shoes and saw that I had. He then spent the next hour or so scrubbing up bits of dog poo from my carpet. We weren’t even official at that point.

Someone I know started seeing someone who put ‘genuine’ in their OLD profile. He conned her out of quite a sum of money.

Because no one had a bad word to say about him.

In fact, to this day (30 years later) I've yet to find anyone who doesn't like and respect him. Just one of life's good guys, and I'm so lucky to have him.

He never slagged his ex off and spoke about her respectfully, despite what had clearly been a difficult split.

His kindness towards me and my 3 DC (they met him before i did).
His complete acceptance of my situation - I was going through a messy divorce when we met.
We have a similar sense of humour and outlook, he doesn't drink, we talk and compromise when needed and in 9 years I can count on one hand the amount of cross words we've had.
He's clever and a fixer, he looked after me through spinal surgery, he's loyal and he's genuine.
And my dog loved him!!

When I arrived at the vet school with my horse after she’d been hit with a car, he unloaded her, got someone to bring me tea and drove me home after her surgery. My mother was horrified when I got home with a man I’d only just met ha ha ha. He stayed that night on the sofa and was gone when I got up in the morning. The day I was bringing her home he appeared again, he was all very business like until I went to get into the lorry, he handed me his card and asked me to call to keep him updated. Three weeks later we went back for a check up and the rest is history really.

That was the first time I knew he was a keeper but there’s been so many more occasions since then in the last 32 years.

He always, always has my back.
Makes me laugh, always has time for me no matter what else is going on.
If I care about something or someone it's important to him too.
Could not want a better man.

When I raised a minor issue with him and he immediately apologised, promised to make changes and followed through. My exH would have made me feel awful for even mentioning anything.
When he cleaned my floor after traipsing in a tiny bit of mud from outside.
Meeting his parents and realising how they treat each other and that they were his relationship role model growing up.
A million other things that show me every day that he loves and respects me.

I thought he was until he wasn't. After ten years of marriage, I had to admit that my initial assumption was wrong, so very wrong.
I don't know if it's possible to know whether or not your partner/spouse is a good 'un at the outset. Spending time with them in the company of other people is a good indicator. Kindness, empathy, generosity... important traits.

It just felt very easy and natural from the beginning and I knew he loved me just the way I was. Clear communication, always messaged back straight away. Very independent, amazing cook and always polite to everyone. Introduced me to his friends after about a week and stayed with his parents after six. Let me pretty much live in his flat as my student digs were rat infested and horrible. That was 20 years ago.

The fact our first date was almost 10hrs long, included bowling, coffee and dinner, and the conversation flowed as if we’d known each other forever.

When it turned out we had mutual friends despite being from very different parts of the country (met via uni etc), and those friends are ‘good eggs’ which suggested he likely was too (he is).

That he was respectful towards me from the start, and that hasn’t changed in over a decade together. This was completely different from the ‘boys’ I’d dated before him. He’s never wasted my time.

He accepts and believes in me. He’s never tried to change me, but always throws himself into helping me with anything I want to do for myself because he wants me to be happy. Career change? Check. Health issue needs exploring? We’re on it. New exercise plan? He’s making space for the equipment.

Kids love him; he has a really nice way with them, listening and almost comically reacting to what they say - it always makes them laugh. I was sure he was going to be a great Dad and he is, he’s lots of fun but also does the ‘boring’ Dad stuff (even if he does find the school WhatsApp group tiresome at times!).

Ultimately he’s the one person I know I can completely rely on, he’s always got my back no matter what life throws at us. And he calls me gorgeous multiple times a day, which is nice too 😁

First date in a pub, now wife jumped up to hold a door open for an elderly man. Second date (picnic) bought an impressive cheese selection after a conversation about cheese (way to my heart).

Very kind when I was ill.

Super fun and kind when she met my DC, invented lots of silly games and was generous with time and energy and I could tell this was genuine - not to impress me.

Listens well, remembers things I've said, does things to lighten my load like notices my petrol is low so fills my car up without even telling me.

... and makes my legs tremble in bed. I got very, very lucky!

Don't ask me. I got it wrong every time. Should've had a dog to set me right!

We were only really young when we got together and we hadn’t been together very long when a really big trauma happened in my life, I completely shut down and he didn’t give up on me when it would’ve been really easy for him to.

He proves to me every day that he’s a good man. I’ve never met anyone better. He’s the kid of man I would be proud of my son growing up to be, I’d be chuffed if my kids married a man like him, and he’s better than I ever could have imagined a husband being. I count my blessings every day and I’m so happy that I met him when we were so young so that we have been able to share so much of our lives together.