What would you do if you found a video containing porn material at the bottom of your dp's wardrobe

[ghostfreak]

Okay I was looking for the blood pressure monitor that I know he keeps in his wardrobe. I had problems finding it and ended up tossing alot of things to one side, and thats when I came across the video.
It was in a plain sleeve and didn,t have a title on it.
I was very curious and decided to play it to see what was on there.
What I saw was truly disgusting, very graphic.
I felt this wave of unsettlement come over me and I was thinking I don,t really know my dp after all of these years.
I felt sick at the thought of him coming home that day.
Anyway I decided to ask him about it and he very calmly told me that someone at work handed it to him as a joke at work and told him to check it out.
He says he didn,t even know what was on there as he hadn,t even looked at it.
This has really unsettled me I have been with him for 20 years and we have one ds.
Our relationship has always been okay.
But now I am thinking is he secretly addicted to porn and what else has he been hiding.

i wouldnt say hes addivcted if theres just one video, but i also dont believe he 'doesnt even know whats on it"!..why would he keep it if he wasnt that botherd!

I think if after 20 years of marriage and you have never previously had suspicions then I would take his answer for what it was.

Are you concerned about the porn per se or the breach of trust?

I think looking at porn is quite normal. Hiding it is odd though. Why is he ashamed of it? Have you previously said you don't like porn?

I would want to know why he felt it necessary to keep it a secret.

And, if it was handed to him as a joke, and he hasn't watched it, why has he hidden it in his wardrobe?

Don't read too much into this one incident though.

If you trust him that he is telling you the truth, that's fine.

If you don't, that is another issue.

in our first house(i was 21) i found some mags in our attic and because i have always been veyr openminded with dp i was FURIOUS that he had 'hidden' them were he thought i wouldnt find them!..i promptly made him dump them and said i was so dissapointed he had made it into a dirty little secret when i really would have been fine with it had he bought them and showed me!

I am concerned that he has a unhealthy interest.
I feel really shocked to find something like this after 20 years.
I am now seeing him as a social misfit, a bit pathetic, etc.
Does that make any sense.

I have found porn on my DP's computer, as you say it is a bit unsettling, but I wouldn't worry that he's addicted to porn or that he's hiding anything else. I think most men look at porn at some point.

He was probably hiding it because he didn't want you or your DS to see it, its not the kind of thing you leave sitting around on the kitchen worktop! But I personally wouldn't see it as too much of a problem.

If it is bugging though, try to talk to him about it.

I'd be relieved he was normal

What 'interest' did the video cover??

bugging you, I meant!

One video is hardly an addition. And considering your reaction it isn't really surprising that he hid it. It seems pretty simple to me, he likes porn, you don't so he hid it! I should think he does know what is on there, but your extreme dislike of it has led him to lie. I'd be more bothtered abotu the lying that the porn personally. But I also am not convinced that you have a right to stop him watching a bit of porn in private if he wants to!

bootsmonkey

Men and women doing you know.
It was reallly graphic showing evreything from every angle.
And it showed groups of men and women doing the business.

bu;t straight sex with adults only?

hardly very hardcore by teh sounds of things!

Does porn upset you then?
Or the lie

One video is hardly an addition. And considering your reaction it isn't really surprising that he hid it. It seems pretty simple to me, he likes porn, you don't so he hid it! I should think he does know what is on there, but your extreme dislike of it has led him to lie. I'd be more bothtered abotu the lying that the porn personally. But I also am not convinced that you have a right to stop him watching a bit of porn in private if he wants to!

Found a few DVDs hidden away by DP over the years. He said he had forgotten about them. I just shrug my shoulders and say "men what are you like?"

One video is hardly an addition. And considering your reaction it isn't really surprising that he hid it. It seems pretty simple to me, he likes porn, you don't so he hid it! I should think he does know what is on there, but your extreme dislike of it has led him to lie. I'd be more bothtered abotu the lying that the porn personally. But I also am not convinced that you have a right to stop him watching a bit of porn in private if he wants to!

Okay I am wary of porn in general.
Maybe in most mens hands its okay.
But in the wrong hands I think it can be destructive.

oops, sorry, I have net problems.

I feel that I am more hurt by the deceit than anything.

Wouldn't be bothered,although my dh hasn't ever hid them,agree with kitty-mine has some but I don't think they've been watched in yrs-they were covered in dust last time I saw them.

As CD says, hardly an unhealthy interest - men and woman. If it was animals/gay/bondage I would probably have more to say. But for straight sex I would just bin it tbh. If it was well hidden, it is unlikely it comes out of the wardrobe that often.

How is your sex life?? If he was using porn and ignoring me, then I would be alot more angry!!

Could it be just the way he said?? That he hid it away and forgot about it??

No he doesn,t ignore me.
I am just shocked to discover this side of him.

Maybe it is bootsmonkey.
I do know that my dp can tell a lie and be really convincing.

I think the general consensus is that if it is there, men will have a look. It dosn't mean that he seeks it out at every oppotunity. It could really be a one off, that he has forgotten about. I don't think you should take it too far to heart. Get rid & forget. Give him the benefit of the doubt.