I'm finally giving in...

[planAplanB]

I can't take it anymore so I'm finally giving in. I'm constantly fighting... trying to keep the house clean and tidy, trying to get to work on time, trying to get wraparound childcare, trying to earn more money with limited hours, trying to keep husbands work stuff from spilling out all over the house, trying to support an angry teenager and children with absolutely no motivation to do anything, trying to get children to eat, trying to keep car tidy, trying to limit screen time, trying to keep on top of the laundry. I'm done.

Do you mean you're giving up work or making them do there fair share or just ignoring the mess.

I've tried ignoring the mess to my own detriment. Going to take a few days off work to figure my shit out. My husband wants me to be SAHM which I know loads of people think is amazing but I'm a well qualified professional and would like to work. Due to lack of childcare (they are at primary) I cannot take on a teaching role. Husband just wants a live in maid.

It does sound really exhausting. Could you pay for substantial domestic help and childcare and keep your career? If you can afford to give up work I am assuming you can afford that?

My husband wants me to be SAHM which I know loads of people think is amazing

Well let him be a SAHP and see how amazing loads of people think is amazing

Who are these people? Not on mn I can assure you.
Here you will get advice not to stop working, but also to ensure you spread the load

It's a fools errand, you cannot have it all, you cannot do it all. If you can afford for you to give up work, don't do this, buy in help instead.

I was reading a thread on here the other day filled with inspiring people who have discovered that being a single parent with an ex is much easier, happier and more peaceful than staying married. Even finding that they had more money left each month in spite of earning much less, because it wasn't being diverted who knows where.

Failed to link, it's called
Things I've noticed since the divorce.

Excellent post.

Are your salaries equitable?

There is no childcare available. I've been requesting it from the primary school for over a year now.

I only earn £250 a week

Your H wants, kids don’t care.

What do YOU want? I would not pack in my work to be a maid and servant to people who have no gratitude to my efforts (speaking from bitter experience).

Rocket up everybody’s bum and consequences. Kids can help tidy up, H is perfectly capable but lazy.

I read this too!! We are separating.

If you don't want to be a SAHM you have to outsource all the extra childcare, cleaning etc and if DH does like this he needs to step up and do more childcare and cleaning. It's always a balancing act.

Maybe look for a nanny type role who can clean during the day and then do pick ups and make the kids dinner.

Yup, true in my case

Great idea but paying this person would probably exceed my own salary!!

I just want a quiet life now. No more nagging or battling.

Husband just wants a live in maid
Well he's the problem isn't he.
What exactly is he doing?

There is no way I would give up work and become a SAHP and end up being a slave to an entitled husband who doesn't see why he should have to do thing and children who should be doing more around the house.

Take a couple of days to think and clear your own head and make lists of what you want and want needs to change. And then start discussing it with 'D'H.
If he can't/won't change then you have the option to separate.

Don't think it would, I would definitely explore every avenue before you give up. I have teacher friends who say there is no point working part time as a teacher as you still end up doing the hours and you take a big financial hit for it also. Hope you find the solutions you need, just keep thinking out of the box as DH is being useless xx

Where else have you looked?

I'm a well qualified professional

What is it you do that's well qualified but you inly earn £250 a week?

I'm a teaching assistant but qualified as a teacher. I have to take my kids to school in the morning so can't be a teacher. I'm feeling very sorry for myself right now.

This.

If it’s that you only earn that due to part time working, then obviously increasing your hours will increase your salary and therefore you’ll have more scope for nanny/childcare and cleaner. Also, your husband should be contributing financially to the external help that’s required.
If you’re working part time then this is why your husband is expecting you to manage the child care and the house (but that doesn’t mean it should all fall to you).

It sounds like right now you’re so frustrated that you can’t see the wood for the trees. In reality you will still have to juggle childcare/housework/career if you split up. Therefore unless you just don’t want to be with him anymore, then look at options to work more hours and tell him he needs to fund a cleaner as a minimum and then work out sharing the cost of childcare when your hours increase

How old are your children?