I'm finally giving in...

[planAplanB]

I can't take it anymore so I'm finally giving in. I'm constantly fighting... trying to keep the house clean and tidy, trying to get to work on time, trying to get wraparound childcare, trying to earn more money with limited hours, trying to keep husbands work stuff from spilling out all over the house, trying to support an angry teenager and children with absolutely no motivation to do anything, trying to get children to eat, trying to keep car tidy, trying to limit screen time, trying to keep on top of the laundry. I'm done.

I don't understand why you are all telling me to pay for childcare. There is NO childcare available in my area. No places at breakfast club and childminders are all full.

I had a full time teaching job but I had to give it up. Now I just feel like giving up everything.

And, what is your husbands hourly rate compared to yours? I assume his is much much more otherwise you could switch.

Sounds like Groundhog Day. If your dhs work overspills, collect it all up in a black sack and chuck it in the bin. Leave for work early and leave h to do the childcare drop offs. Ignore mardy arse teen (don’t get dragged into their negativity). If you have a teen they should also be pulling their weight and earning their pocket money/privileges. Get h to deal with it.
Book yourself a long weekend away and let everyone fend for themselves. Fuck ‘em!

But surely those childminders will have vacancies in a few weeks, when their current children move on to secondary school?

I'm sorry you are so defeated - you've had enough.

I know its easy for us to say "well just do x,y,z"

So lets look at practical help- where do you live? (rough area ish)
Do you live in a big town / small rural?
Do you have friends who also work part time? could you mind each others dc while the other is working?

Get on all the local FB groups, next door, ask friends, whattapp groups etc for child minders - this is the perfect time of year as there's a lot of movement or people moving in or out of areas.

You have to make it happen, I know it's hard when you don't have time to breathe (totally single parent here) I'm paying for childminding over the summer even though I can't really justify it money wise because I just need a break and try and catch up with everything

Is it possible to move (together or alone) to somewhere where the kids can take themselves to school or enough neighbours do , for you to share? Or make a mutual "at home breakfast club" deal with another parent? You could at least get a part time teaching job then.

I guess if you do separate your ex would have to do one or two drop-offs at least, too.

You seem excessively restrained by the school dropoff. You need to focus on getting back into the work you want to do, and bugger the tidying.

The fact that supporting you back into full teaching isn't a priority for your husband does strongly suggest that you aren't a priority for him full stop (beyond the services you provide of course)

How old are the children OP?
I did a low paid job PT for several years in the nhs while updating my qualifications. For 3 years my take home salary went on child care. But some of it went into a pension. Once my youngest was in secondary school I had worked my way up to a band 7 role. It was worth it in the end.
If you can't get child care, which would presumably be expensive, could you use that money to pay a cleaner and regular service washes?
Your problem is your husband, so keep working towards divorce and 50:50.
Once your youngest is in secondary you will be in a better position to pick up your career.

If there is no childcare in the local area and you have experience of working with children why don't you become a childminder? Sounds like you'd have plenty of potential customers and could also work around taking and collecting your own children from school.

Good positive first step.
You sound too burnt out emotionally to think of a practical way out but there will be one. Some of the suggestions already made here might offer the solution when you are in a better space to think them through clearly and more logically than you can now. Of course some of them may take time to pull off (getting kids names down now for childcare in a year's time or longer, moving to an area with the facilities or job opportunities that suit you better).
And maybe that all seems so far into the future that it's not worth even beginning. But it will come around sooner than you think, I promise.
A practical idea for now or soon. Individual tutoring which you can do at home, might work if your own DC can entertain themselves for the duration.
I worked as a ta and it's desperately badly paid for the skills required, and it leaves you no time to do anything else. In my case I wasn't trying to be financially independent so it didn't matter. In your case, I'd be looking for other part time employment. Working in a supermarket pays more. There may be other jobs out there that you can do from home.
Have you seen the GP for antidepressants? They can be a huge help when your problems seem insurmountable.