Family dinner - please help!

[Starlight1979]

I come from a very large family who all get together at least once a year in an area central to where everyone lives. In total there are probably 30-40 of us but can be more / less depending on if everyone can make it / whether people bring OH, kids etc.

Anyway, we have a catch up planned for a weekend August which will include a meal at a restaurant on the Saturday evening (mid range - gastro pub type place). There will be (at last count) 32 of us. There are all age ranges from 80 to 8 months.

The problem (and where I need MN help!) is that every single time we eat out, there is ALWAYS an issue when it comes to paying the bill.

Previously we have:

1. Sat and gone through every single meal / drink and try to calculate it all individually and then paid separately - Mortifying and takes an eternity. Embarrassing for all concerned.

2. Try to split it per couple / family - Won't work any longer as there are now more singles and also the kids who used to eat for free / cheap are now teenagers who probably eat more than the adults! Also a pain when some people drink and others don't.

3. One person / couple pay the bill and then everyone transfers their portion to them after the event - DP did suggest we do this but we're not exactly rolling in it at the moment and the thought of forking out £1,000 - £1,500 indefinitely just scares me a bit. Don't get me wrong I trust my family to pay it back but some of them will take weeks and it's awkward having to chase people up!

Can anyone give any other ideas as to how we could work this???

Thanking you in advance 🙏

Splitwise APP. Sort it out in the moment at the restaurant. It's not unreasonable or uptight to want to do this, just actually necessary when such a high total sum is involved. Best of luck! I know it can be tricky dealing with money with large groups/family.

i had this too with my family. I insist now in going to one of the places where you go up to the bar and pay for your food when you order it.

If it was me I would ask the venue if they can keep separate tabs per smaller family group and everyone adds food /drinks to their own tab.

Could you go somewhere where it's a fixed price per head? A set menu or all you can eat type of place? Then, everyone could pay in advance to one person who settles up on the night. Drinks to be paid 'as you go' so no drinks bill at the end.

We just had a meal out for 20 people.

The restaurant set up separate tabs for us for each family group and when ordering just told them which tab. We all just paid our own tab at the end.

I did organise it all in advance which made it easier!

I agree with this. We have a similar problem when going out with a large group of people from work. Having a set meal works and I get them all to transfer the money to me first. Then drinks pay as you go. It honestly works well. I found most restaurants like to give you a set meal as it’s easier for them when there is so many of you.

Go somewhere where each group goes up to the bar and orders separately.

Either that or pick in advance (surprised they don't want that anyway with such a large group) and pay in advance. No money no food.

Thank you all for suggestions so far!

Unfortunately where we are going is pretty rural so there were really limited options on where to eat and where could seat 30+ people on a Saturday night!

I wish it was a set menu / order at the bar type place as that would make it so much easier. However thinking about it, I might ask if we could pay as we order and then get drinks separately at the bar??

Sorry I should have said - we do have to pre-order starters and mains in advance. But I might ring them and ask if they can split it out as other people have suggested!

I just want to add, there is nothing to be embarrassed about totting up the bill on the night, and splitting it accordingly to each of the parties.

OP, your family set up sounds like mine and we used to do a 4 way split, as it's 4 families when the kids were younger.

The 'kids' are mostly adults now but we still see them as the kids and would still cover them in the 4 way split, BUT some families have more kids and the ones with less, inadvertently end up paying more. I feel bad, because it's my side of the family, not DHs.

I like PPs suggestion of each family having their own tab/bill.

I'm not sure I could suggest it with my family, as I have the least number of kids and I wouldn't want it to seem like I was being tight. I'd much rather my siblings with the larger family raises it.

Like you, we've had it where one person pays, then others transfer their share afterwards. It's always the same people who step up to pay first though.

I get bill anxiety in these situations, so I get where you're coming from.

Good luck!

If you have to preorder ask if each family order can be paid upfront too, then you've only drinks/extras to pay on the evening, and everyone can just be responsible for their own.

I think no.1 is your best option op. There are lots of apps that take the stress out of this for you! Have a look and Google “dinner splitting payment app”

Ask the restaurant to treat your table as a number of smaller bookings. Each smaller family unit places their own order and gets their own bill to pay.

The restaurant won't have any trouble managing the orders as if you were all separate tables - so, Family A, Couple B, Family C, Single D, etc. They'll appreciate it if you tell them beforehand. Once you're seated, ensure your server knows your groupings.

Issues could arise when you order bottles of wine for the table. Discuss this with the paying guests before you go: shall you set up a kitty, for instance, have each group order for themselves, or agree to split a separate drinks bill between all the drinkers?

Oh I know - it's more the time involved and people quibbling over what they did / didn't have! Some of the family are very generous and aren't bothered in the slightest and others will argue over a couple of quid!

Split proportionally by family group regardless of whether children in that group are adults or not. So if group is:
A) Grandparents
B) 1 x sibling, their partner and 3 children (incl. adult children if still living at home etc)
C) 1 x sibling and 2 children (as above)
D) 1 x sibling and 2 children (as above)
E) 1 x adult grandchild plus partner
that's 15 people. A) pays 13%(2 out of 15), B) pays 33% (5 out of 15) etc.

Unless people are going to be arsey about whether children have eaten more or less than adults etc.

I'm not sure I could suggest it with my family, as I have the least number of kids and I wouldn't want it to seem like I was being tight. I'd much rather my siblings with the larger family raises it.

This is slightly bonkers, @SandyY2K. Just suggest it! If your siblings see you as tight for not letting them freeload off you, all the more reason to insist. And if they're nice, reasonable people, they'll immediately see it makes more sense!

Are you all staying in one house? Hire a private chef to.come and cook. All paid in advance, menu choices made in advance. You supply your own drink. Its much easier. (I am a private chef and this is what I do all the time in my job )

I think you’ve come up with the best solution yourself!

Get in touch with the venue and ask if people can pay when they order and then go to the bar for extra drinks.

Sadly not but that sounds amazing! We're all staying separately (and some live semi-locally) but none of the accommodations would fit us all together.

That is definitely something to bear in mind for next time though!

Just ask the server for individual bills

I genuinely didn't know you could do this! Must have been living under a rock 😂

😂 I’ve done it before, just ask when your ordering I’m sure they’ll accommodate it

I would ask the restaurant for a set meal with a set price so everyone knows their food cost then buy drinks at the bar!