Family dinner - please help!

[Starlight1979]

I come from a very large family who all get together at least once a year in an area central to where everyone lives. In total there are probably 30-40 of us but can be more / less depending on if everyone can make it / whether people bring OH, kids etc.

Anyway, we have a catch up planned for a weekend August which will include a meal at a restaurant on the Saturday evening (mid range - gastro pub type place). There will be (at last count) 32 of us. There are all age ranges from 80 to 8 months.

The problem (and where I need MN help!) is that every single time we eat out, there is ALWAYS an issue when it comes to paying the bill.

Previously we have:

1. Sat and gone through every single meal / drink and try to calculate it all individually and then paid separately - Mortifying and takes an eternity. Embarrassing for all concerned.

2. Try to split it per couple / family - Won't work any longer as there are now more singles and also the kids who used to eat for free / cheap are now teenagers who probably eat more than the adults! Also a pain when some people drink and others don't.

3. One person / couple pay the bill and then everyone transfers their portion to them after the event - DP did suggest we do this but we're not exactly rolling in it at the moment and the thought of forking out £1,000 - £1,500 indefinitely just scares me a bit. Don't get me wrong I trust my family to pay it back but some of them will take weeks and it's awkward having to chase people up!

Can anyone give any other ideas as to how we could work this???

Thanking you in advance 🙏

My favourite way (when with easy going / sensible) people, is for everyone to put in what they think they owe. And then split/make up any remaining shortfall. This has worked really well for me amongst friends, but could backfire if some people are particularly finicky. In which case the setting up separate tabs is probably the way to go - but check the restaurant is willing to accommodate this in advance!

This is the problem! We have some family members who are overly generous and others who, um, are not shall we say 😂

I don't understand why it's a problem. Can't you just tell the server which people are under each check and whom to give the checks to at the end? We go out to brunch every Sunday with a group and we just tell the server who's with whom and they bring several checks at the end. We're in the US so maybe they don't do that in Europe?

Yeah you're probably right and I just hadn't thought of doing it as we haven't before! We prefer to do things the British way of being overly polite and awkward and making life difficult for everyone involved😂

Use the OneSplit app. You photo the receipt and it does the work for you.

We do that with the group I go out with - no problems

Whenever I've been out in a big group each person just pays for what they have had separately on their own card ( either at the bar or the waiter has brought the card reader to the table, and in turn we've told them what we've had and pay for that ). It's never been an issue.

Can all the adults just split the bill say between 30/40 adults I'm sure all the adults won't mind paying for children it's only once a year.

Definitely get in contact beforehand and arrange ordering and paying beforehand and people go to the bar themselves.
It's the only way with a group that make it so difficult.
Do NOT offer to pay under any circumstances.

If everyone has pre-ordered starters and mains, then everyone knows in advance the bulk of the food bill, so you can tot that up in advance. Then ask everyone to get their own drinks at the bar. The only thing left is a few deserts that IME not many have if had a starter, it's usually one or the other. So deserts and coffee to work out only.

I did this last night and all sorted now thanks to all the suggestions on here😊

And thank you. My DP is an absolute bugger for picking up the bill for everyone (no, we're not wealthy - probably because of his ridiculous generosity!!!) and the amount of times we've left a restaurant, got in the car and I've gone "WHY DID YOU DO THAT - WE'RE SKINT" 😂

That's the problem - there aren't really any "kids" any more (apart from a couple of babies). Most of the kids - who we obviously all used to just cover as adults - are now teens who eat more than any of us! Especially the lads!

Reading this gives me palpitations!
I remember when I was first dating my husband about 25-30 of us went for an Indian for a birthday. We were absolutely skint and had no money at all, made it clear in advance that we were eating beforehand and then just coming to have 1 drink to be sociable (we were also teenagers just starting out renting too).
Everybody had their food, one Auntie even had TWO curries because she couldn't decide, pitchers of beer brought to the table too. At bill time we were asked to pay £25 per head, my jaw hit the floor I'd had 1 coke zero and paid for it at the bar. I thought they were having me on! My husband felt caught in an uncomfortable situation because it was his family and it was the 'polite' thing to do, but I was having none of it. £50 from us for no food, no chance! It was 7 years ago and still stresses me 🤣

So in your case, people should bring cash to 'pay up' in advance, or see if you can pah at the bar or ask for individual bills. There's always one cousin (same family) who will polish off 2 bottles of expensive red and want to split the bill when I've sipped 1 coke all night!

Everyone picks in advance and sends through the cost including service charge. Buy Drinks at the bar

No sure I you can do this in the UK but in NZ we just each pop up and pay for our bit with are cards or cash. No one needs to math as they just but it through the till.
Tipping isn't done in NZ

We recently had a night out for a large sports group. Menu circulated in advance and everybody picked and so knew what they owed. Drinks ordered and paid for separately at the time on the night. All went really smoothly - just need to make sure someone has the spreadsheet of who ordered what with them on the night.

Just go up to the till and pay for what you’ve had (obv if a family of 4, pay for those meals). They can tell you if it balances at the end.

I love this app but it wouldn’t really be much help with one large bill like that-you are effectively going through the items. Brilliant for group holidays though.

Same here in Scandinavia. Easy. And no tip.

It’s what they would expect at the restaurant, easier for them too. Why complicate things.

I organise eating out for a sports team travel squad of numerous families.
if you contact the venue and organise to preorder they are usually more than happy to split the bill by family/group.

Ask the restaurant for separate bills for each family group

This is what we do. It came in handy when Mother in Law invited 3 extras to a meal we were hosting/paying for. To be fair to the "extras", I am sure they didn't expect us to pay for them anyway and just took themselves off to order, but it saved any awkwardness at bill time.

Urgh this sounds tricky. My family are same. Would quibble over a few quid. When I've had big parties in the past for birthdays or kids parties etc I've sent out a menu and asked for their choices and payments before hand. Means I'm stuck paying at the end but I too find it so embarrassing trying to split the bill. Drinks etc will be purchased separately

Everyone order their own - simple.

Separate bills for each group