What is the answer if you don't want a proper relationship but also not ONS?

[Floppysock]

I'm widowed after a 25 year marriage.

I had a good married life, but doing it again, as a middle aged, solvent woman, has no appeal at all. Being bereaved is hard and I still have moments where my heart breaks (mostly for my young adult DC), but generally I am very happy with my single life and freedom. I have no desire whatsoever to ever live with a man again, or to be tied to anyone on a permanent basis.

However, I do like male company and sex and miss it, but sex isn't something I have ever been able to treat completely casually. Good luck to people who do, but I'd be a terrible FWB, for example, it's more important to me than that.

I don't want to be someone who picks people up and drops them, but I don't know what the answer is, other than a life of celibacy?

Watching with interest.

I'm perfectly happy to have a relationship with someone but do not want to live with someone. It's just too complicated.

I've no idea what the answer is unless I can find an attractive available man who also wants a 'living apart together ' type relationship.

This is why high end prostitution exists.

I think you'd be surprised how many men would be happy with that!

My Mum and StepDad never lived together, even after they married. They were ribbed about it sometimes by friends, but also got lots of comments that it sounded lovely to be able to go back to your own space sometimes.

Also watching with interest! I want the same thing but am struggling finding it.

A relationship with someone who feels the same! Just be clear about what you want. You want dates out, sex, some evenings you spend together - but you're not dating to marry or live together.

Sounds ideal for two people in second relationships. No arguing over assets for children. Go to your own homes when you want to be alone. Don't even have to introduce children.

Why not just look for a man who wants company but not a wife. There'll be some out there just like you.

@PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister 😂😂😂

@Meadowfinch it’s true though! Find a good agency, someone you click with. Couple of meals out a month. Pay them well. No idiots, no hassle and no STI’s!

Friends with benefits surely?!

Yep, mid 50s here, married 30-ish years. If me and DH split tomorrow (or he died) I would never EVER live with another man, and I would certainly not get married again. In fact, I couldn't be faffed with another man at all tbh. Whilst my marriage has been happy more often than not, and I would not change a thing if I could go back in time 30 years, I would still very likely just stay single if DH died - or left.

I enjoy being with DH most of the time, but I LOVE being alone, and really enjoy my own company. I enjoy spending a few days with DH when he is off work, but I LOVE it when he goes back to work and the house is mine again, and I have lots of me-time.

It’s whet a lot of us mature women are looking fit but I’ve found it’s rarer than a rainbow unicorn carrying a pot of gold.

Ive been single (and celibate) for over 4 years now and hate the lack of sexy but I can’t to casual and despite having a very active social life and also trying OLD, I’ve only found one man I was attracted to enough and turned out he had ED

All of my single friends are in same position - unfortunately the pickings out there are very very slim

I don't know what it says about me and my friends, but I find the only reasonably presentable men, around our age, who are interested in us, rather than woman at least a decade younger, are recently seperated and in need of somewhere to live!

Sounds a bit like a distant (space) relationship. It's more than possible, read lists from a few women who have a friend they do things with, dinner, tv, sex etc. But again, think might be best to approach as a relationship type, but say you don't want all the time commitment? So (well I'd want) the sex to be exclusive between the 2 of us type thing.

Maybe some who is set up in life, has kids, but also what's to protect what he has for his kids? Therefore, not rushing for marriage, buying a house together?

.

I really don’t think high-end male prostitution, to service women, is a thing. Too much supply, not enough demand.

Isn't this what most of us want by our 50s?!?

Exclusive sex, connection, great friends, usual stuff but like fuck will we live with a man again or be a step mum.

I think living apart would be wonderful 🤭 there is absolutely no romance in washing someone else's pants or cleaning the toilet after them or having them fart in bed in their sleep while you're trying to drift off or going to the fridge for that avocado you were saving as a treat to yourself to find it gone, etc etc etc.

I miss living by myself!

What you're seeking is actually very common. The term used often is LAT (living apart together) or friends and lovers.
Weekly meetings, weekends away sometimes holidays. coffee, lunches, dinners, cinema, walks but not living in each other's pockets or houses. Each has their own set of friends, hobbies, and a career path. Families do not have to be blended.
Both are solvent and have their own homes.
It's a win win.

This is the relationship I have. It did start off as more of a casual relationship as we were both moving on from long term relationships but we have now been together 10 years. Separate houses but enjoy time together and go on holiday together but love our own space. You just have to find someone who wants this too.

This sounds wonderful 🥰

I know a man that would love this kind of relationship, but how do you 'advertise' it if you know what I mean?
He would be committed and available but happy to live apart and have own assets etc.
So any ideas on how to achieve that kind of relationship? I'll pass on the wisdom.

POF
Sort through the time wasters though.

Is he presentable and looking for a woman his own age? 😜

I have what you want.

My 20yr marriage ended. I went online looking for FWB. I found a good guy a few years older than me. He's

Got a mortgage free house in a very nice area in a very nice city
Solvent, with a decent monthly income
Got a good group of friends
Funny
Engaging
Kind
Got similar politics
Decent enough on the eye
Chatty with me throughout the day, every day on messenger
A Listener
Caring
Settled
Easy to talk to

We go on dates. He loves a countryside walk and pointing out nature to me. We often do watch party's for films and TV shows. We've met each others friends and families. We've been on UK holidays together. We have great sex.

We have absolutely no desire whatsoever to live together. The only downer is that he's a 2 hour drive away, so not as much sex as I'd like, but it means the wait is very worth it. We see each other on average once a fortnight. I often stay at his for a few days in a row as my work allows. He has no children, so it's more comfy staying at his rather than mine, where young adults still live.

We've agreed what we have is working for us, and has for the last 3 years. We're not long term committed to each other. When we were chatting the other day, he asked me to remind him of something in a few years time, so he's in it until it stops working.

We can still see other people if we're interested in them. If we had sex outside our FWB, that was fine with the other, but we don't need to tell, just keep the other safe. We were having an open chat last weekend and it seems I'm the only person he's seen for the last 2 years. I've seen a few people on dates/ONS, but nothing of substance. He was fine with that information.

So what you're looking for is very possible. I had to root him out in the dodgy websites, but I'm so glad I put the hard work in. There is someone out there for you too. Be clear from the off with what you want. I'm sure you'll find it. Good luck.

The problem is probably that this part-time type relationship is far more appealing to women than it is men. You have to dismiss all the blokes who only want a live in maid and sex on tap, which is obviously a good thing, who wants one of those anyway, but it does dwindle the number of men up for this somewhat.