What is the answer if you don't want a proper relationship but also not ONS?

[Floppysock]

I'm widowed after a 25 year marriage.

I had a good married life, but doing it again, as a middle aged, solvent woman, has no appeal at all. Being bereaved is hard and I still have moments where my heart breaks (mostly for my young adult DC), but generally I am very happy with my single life and freedom. I have no desire whatsoever to ever live with a man again, or to be tied to anyone on a permanent basis.

However, I do like male company and sex and miss it, but sex isn't something I have ever been able to treat completely casually. Good luck to people who do, but I'd be a terrible FWB, for example, it's more important to me than that.

I don't want to be someone who picks people up and drops them, but I don't know what the answer is, other than a life of celibacy?

Yes, I find men my age (mid 50s) are either "old" and looking for someone to look after them or "young" and wanting women much younger. The "young" one do want casual relationships, but not with middle aged women!

This is exactly what I have and how I met my lovely, sexy boyfriend of nearly 7 years. I don't think it's as rare as you think it is. It works for us both.

Agree. Since been single I’ve found the majority of vaguely eligible men fall into 3 categories

1 - want a woman 20 years younger
2 - want a ‘nurse with a purse’ to cook clean and wipe their arse.
3 - want to talk sleaze from the off and after no strings sex

The problem is most women aren’t looking for anybody the above and there’s a lot of very eligible women looking at the same very small pool of men.

I agree with that.

Just do normal online dating and don’t agree to move in / marry them!

I’ve seen later life second marriages implode, and it’s not worth the stress. You have financial security and independence - you’re in an amazing position. Just be very picky, because you can be! And if sex the first couple of times is awful, just move on to the next guy and have fun dating again!

Lots of wealthy men your age, esp if divorced will be equally wary and not want to marry, so seek those out! Bonus is they can afford lovely holidays :)

La family member has been with her partner for over twenty years and never lived together.

That's what I should have done.

Wow! is that what you do? very brave to talk about it, good luck to you

My sister was with her (now ex) partner 21 years and they never lived together.

I used to think it was strange - now I think it’s the best way to be

My widowed mother is with a widower she met locally and they don't live together (10 years now) but they were about 70 at the time.

My current partner actually brought up "Living Apart Together" after a few dates. He said he'd been researching it apparently! I had never heard of it.

To be honest, my insides churned when he brought it up, because it felt futureless (and was a cold thing to hear) but we're still together a year later and I honestly can't see myself ever living with him in the future, although that may be because I took what he said to heart. So it became a self fulfilling prophecy for him I suppose.

So there are some men out there who are in an equal and opposite situation. It's not all about the physical either, more about needing comfort rather than commitment. We're both 50.

The context of his position on this was that he'd been through two breakups in his life where he'd been living long term with them (one he was married) and he just couldn't face going through all the pain and upheaval of having to separate a home again. He has carved out a nice life (and home) for himself and doesn't want to put that on the line again. He is a very organised tidy person and doesn't handle change or disruption to his routine well at all.

I am sure there are others like him out there, I suppose you just need to be patient and keep the faith.

I have a long ish distance relationship with DP who I’ve known as a friend prior to our relationship.
Neither of us want to move in with each other, share finance or get married. We don’t see anyone else ( exclusive).
We visit each other, enjoy same outdoor activities and the sex is brilliant. After a few days together we are both happy to go our separate ways.(see the back of each other until next time )

Not your conventional relationship but for is it works. If we moved in together we’d probably split up.

We’re both divorced ( been there and done it and don’t want to again).
We talk on messenger for about an hour or more every day.

Hmm I dunno about that, man here & have similar views on it to a lot of female posters on here.

I can't imagine ever wanting to live with someone again, not sure on wanting another relationship even, but equally I can't imagine the next 30- 40 yrs (or however long I have left) of my life are to be single & celibate.

Good men do @CallmePaul

If I ever can be arsed to date again, I plan to be upfront that a LAT relationship is what I'm after.

I expect that will mean 9 out of 10 men will instantly block/ghost me, which is great and so I can use this as a quick filter of which men only want a maid and sex, and don't care really which woman does it ie the men I'd rather be single than date.

I'll then join the fight in the 100s of women after that 1 man.

If I can be arsed. Which is unlikely.

Yep - the decent ones in that age bracket won’t be looking for. Middle age women