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Original poster

Post gcse moods

32 replies

awej · 07/07/2024 23:04

Hi,
fist time poster here- I am at my wits end!
in summary I am a completely alone single mum of two teens and feel like relationships are falling apart.
Since GCSES my son has barely been up before 12 and on some days mid afternoons. He peaked last week when he didn’t appear until 4pm despite me waking him offering porridge, a drink etc. I keep removing privileges saying that he needs to get up and contribute to the household (dishwasher, dog tidy his room mostly) if he’s to have the x box back or go out with friends etc. he says this is a catch 22 and that I’m not allowing him out. My point is get up and you can do whatever you want! I keep explaining that this should be the holiday of his life- no ties etc and feel he’s wasting it.
he has lots of friends, they chat via text and he’s been to a few parities so he’s not isolated I just can’t find a way to get through to him. Ideas welcome!
he has a part time job so did get up on Saturday and then went out so I think I’m giving him the message that the freedom is there,today I have blocked the wifi on all his devises in the hope he might sleep earlier as I think he’s in a bad cycle.

OP posts:
Hardingham291 · 09/07/2024 14:58

I don't think this is a battle you need to fight. Leave him to it. Perfectly normal teenage behaviour. He's just done his gcses, he's got mates and a part time job, he sounds nicely on track. Leave him alone.

Comedycook · 09/07/2024 15:03

I think you're overreacting a bit. He's socialising and has a job... Winning!

Baital · 09/07/2024 15:09

He needs to do his household chores, but does it matter what time of day he does them?

FloydPink · 09/07/2024 15:13

Mine is similar but normally up by 11, plays on Xbox, sees mates and thats it.

I am not fussed as he has 4 full weeks of work over summer and he has been working pretty hard for last 4 months on exams so can give him some leeway.

Original poster
awej · 09/07/2024 18:01

It matters to the dog!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 09/07/2024 18:11

If he doesn’t do his chores would put consequences in place for that, otherwise wouldn’t get too involved.

he has a PT job, that’s a lot more than many his age.

Octavia64 · 09/07/2024 18:14

Why on earth would his post gcse holiday be the holiday of his life? Never heard that one before!

He's just done a lot of stressful and exhausting exams.

Get off his back.

Hardingham291 · 09/07/2024 20:20

awej · 09/07/2024 18:01

It matters to the dog!

Well can't you compromise-you do the early walk and let DS walk it later. You're creating a huge battle over nothing really. He sounds like a good lad. They've got the next 50 years to be up and out for work etc. Let him enjoy his lie ins while he can.

Opentooffers · 09/07/2024 21:30

Quite normal for teens to be up late. He's got a job which is great. The dog is not his sole responsibility. Who walked it when he was busy with school? DC's might want pets, but the ultimate responsibility is with parents as they are the ones who buy them. I say that as a single mother who got badgered by my DS to get a dog. I did, and hoped he'd get involved, he does, but he's more my dog as I walk him mostly and feed him, but then I got him knowing that I wanted a dog too, so don't begrudge it.

DelilahBucket · 09/07/2024 21:39

I would be leaving him to it. DS has done what he wants so far other than some planned things or we've been out for walks/lunch/tea together more than usual. Only a couple of days he's not been up before 8:30 anyway. He does his normal chores every day, but there has been compromise on timings of he's gone out for the day. I wouldn't put the responsibility of a pet on his shoulders when it never has been previously.

Original poster
awej · 09/07/2024 22:20

That’s what I meant - he should be having his he time of his life - up and out with his friends not shut in a dark bedroom. Tbh I’ve found Al the responses more hurtful than he has been. I feel like a bitch now when in fact wanted to hear that others were maybe in the same position and had advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
awej · 09/07/2024 22:25

Oh this was in response to the comment does it matter what time he does the chores. As I said am completely alone and work full time so one of his jobs is to walk the dog, on some days he does the early walk but when he doesn’t get up the dog misses out. That’s all I meant ☹️

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Original poster
awej · 09/07/2024 22:28

@DelilahBucket Dog always has been, between the 3 of us. I think I had hoped for a bit more quality time - sounds like you have it sorted! I came in here feeling a bit desperate and hoping for advice really but it obviously wasn’t the right place. Thanks for a constructive reply though !

OP posts:
Original poster
awej · 09/07/2024 22:30

@Octavia64 That’s what I meant - he should be having his he time of his life - up and out with his friends not shut in a dark bedroom. Tbh I’ve found Al the responses more hurtful than he has been. I feel like a bitch now when in fact wanted to hear that others were maybe in the same position and had advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
awej · 09/07/2024 22:34

@Opentooffers all 3 of us have walked the dog it was never expect to be his sole responsibility, she’s my responsibility I know that. My point is that he needs to still do these things to contribute to our household as he always has and then have all the freedom he wants. I think everyone has picked up on the fact I want him to do a few chores (no more than he has done in the past) and get up and out of the house. I worry about him. That was all. The judging and feeling like I need to justify myself on here is really unexpected!

OP posts:
GeneralMusings · 09/07/2024 22:38

Give him some evening chores instead of morning ones so he can sleep.

Do some fun stuff when you're not working?

Original poster
awej · 09/07/2024 22:48

@GeneralMusings You mean me and him do some fun stuff? As he’s allowed to do as much fun stuff as he wants- the difficulty is getting him up to do it. It’s really hard to explain. When I am working from home I pop in and out with drink, offer of food etc and he just doesn’t budge.
we’ve made a family dinner list of stuff we want to do but he hasn’t suggested anything yet. His friend popped round the other day and he even stayed in bed then. I’m just a bit worried about him and struggling with it. I thought the chores thing would help. The idea was get those out of the way and then know that you’ve got the whole day. He went to the gym today but not until 4 pm which I suppose is better than last week!

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IfIHadAHeart · 09/07/2024 22:58

I don’t think anyone is replying with anything hurtful.

My DS finished later than most as one of his exams was a good bit later than all the others. I’ve let him have a chilled couple of weeks, and plenty of lie ins. This week I’ve introduced a few more chores and encouraged him to think about a Saturday job, but im quite flexible about what time of days his chores are completed as it’s pointless creating tension for no reason. I still don’t allow devices/xbox past a certain time of night so he doesn’t disturb the rest of the family and hopefully sleeps.

What exactly is it you want him to be up
doing? Presumably if he wanted to get up and go out with friends earlier in the day, he would.

Jonahseyebrows · 09/07/2024 23:01

I'm a little confused as to why what you've described is a problem, morning dog walk aside. My DD just finished GCSEs too and she has been exhausted, so I'm happy to just leave her to it and enjoy the more relaxed pace and not having to worry about getting her up and to school etc.

GCSEs are so stressful for them. And now he finally gets a chance to relax and chill. They only finished two weeks ago! It's great your son has a job and does chores, has friends. It sounds like all is going well! Teenagers naturally sleep in I think, isn't it part of how they're wired?

I am really curious as to why you're so uncomfy with what you've described. I get you'd like help with the morning dog walking so that's one thing, but aside from that? Why does he have to have the summer of his life? Seems like there's some pressure there considering he only just finished his exams. Do you know why you feel so strongly about this?

sleekcat · 09/07/2024 23:02

I think you have to let go really and let him get on with it. The holiday isn't over yet, there are lots of weeks to go. The exams were quite mentally draining because there were so many of them. Plus he's been going to parties and communicating with friends?

My son doesn't really do anything in the house despite me asking him to do about one thing while I'm at work. He is away at the moment but otherwise he likes to be in his room with the curtains shut. I know what you mean about thinking they are 'wasting' the time, but this summer isn't the only time they have to enjoy life. I remember when I had finished my GCSEs - I went out every single day and night and drank very high volumes of alcohol whilst hanging around with people my parents didn't even know existed. Got a part time job and gave it up as it was too much hassle and interfering with my social life. Sort of the opposite really, but not exactly ideal either.

Opentooffers · 09/07/2024 23:21

I think you'll find that the reason for sleeping in late is late nights on xbox or PS5. They all do it, they online game and actually chat a lot to their mates at the same time. Friendships are more online these days than IRL. Most IRL meets get arranged via gaming chat. It might seem odd to our generation, but it's how it's done these days. Gaming is socialising even though they don't leave the house.
You don't have too much to worry about, I did especially during lockdown, but then over a dozen of them organised and booked a holiday abroad online after A-levels.

Ducksurprise · 09/07/2024 23:27

But there will be no one to get up and out with as they will all be asleep.

It is perfectly normal for teens to want to sleep in, in fact being nocturnal isn't unusual.

I had what was classed as weird children as they were up early, and they used to moan all their friends were in bed.

Current Y11 is nocturnal, as are all their friends.

Get him to walk the dog later.

Original poster
awej · 10/07/2024 00:53

@Opentooffers yes you are spot in it’s why I took it away for a bit. He was still gaming at 2 am one night so of course he can’t get up. I know what you mean it’s very different this is reassuring thank you. Because I’m on my own and no one to sound off to, getting other perspectives is useful. I’m clearly also nocturnal as have only just shut my laptop from working this eve!

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Original poster
awej · 10/07/2024 00:55

@Ducksurprise good point! Some of his friends are up as they have cycled over to ours further to making a plan but he’s slept through! Good to hear others are nocturnal though.

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Original poster
awej · 10/07/2024 01:00

@sleekcat thank you. Yeah not sure I was up to much good post exams but I do remember it was fun! I want him to look back and have good memories. Letting go and not putting that high expectation on him is the way to go. It’s not the only time to have fun but it’s 10 weeks with no assignments, no rent or anything to worry about he could be enjoying it more! @Jonahseyebrows the wasting time is probably why it bothers me but it’s not that I want ‘help’ these are responsibilities both my kids have always had. The reason for my post was it’s the relationship breakdown that is upsetting me. He’s not interacting with me and his brother at all. Sometimes won’t even come down to eat. He’s definitely been better the last two days as he’s been going to sleep earlier ( no x box and he’s sat downstairs us)

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