Post gcse moods

[awej]

Hi,
fist time poster here- I am at my wits end!
in summary I am a completely alone single mum of two teens and feel like relationships are falling apart.
Since GCSES my son has barely been up before 12 and on some days mid afternoons. He peaked last week when he didn’t appear until 4pm despite me waking him offering porridge, a drink etc. I keep removing privileges saying that he needs to get up and contribute to the household (dishwasher, dog tidy his room mostly) if he’s to have the x box back or go out with friends etc. he says this is a catch 22 and that I’m not allowing him out. My point is get up and you can do whatever you want! I keep explaining that this should be the holiday of his life- no ties etc and feel he’s wasting it.
he has lots of friends, they chat via text and he’s been to a few parities so he’s not isolated I just can’t find a way to get through to him. Ideas welcome!
he has a part time job so did get up on Saturday and then went out so I think I’m giving him the message that the freedom is there,today I have blocked the wifi on all his devises in the hope he might sleep earlier as I think he’s in a bad cycle.

I think you're fighting an unnecessary battle op. And you're trying to push your idea of a 'good time' onto your ds.

Ds1 is 16 and just finished Y11. He worked hard for several months and finished mid June. He's not exactly in the best routine at the minute - he's staying up late gaming, sleeping until midday, often wandering around in PJ'S until he showers at 4pm and goes to the gym or football training. Then he leaves his chores (dishwasher, clean his room, put some laundry away) until 8 or 9pm at night 🙄

However, I'm largely leaving him be. He's eating pretty well, exercising enough, he is doing his chores (albeit frustratingly late) and is socialising regularly enough.

We had one, ahem, 'conversation' last week which was me going 'don't you dare moan at me about needing to get dressed and ready by 1pm today, I told you three days ago we were going to xyz...' 😂 and since then he's been a bit better and not a moan has escaped his lips when somethings happening he has to be up and about for.

Just leave him be for a few weeks to enjoy this time as he clearly finds enjoyable. Early bedtimes again from mid August in preparation for real life starting again in September.

@PosingPosture20 Thank you! I had to re read as I thought you were re describing my situation! I’m so glad there is someone in the same situation. I think you’re right I am imposing my idea of a good summer onto him.
it’s been a tough few months dragging them through revision, college applications, prom prep etc and all just me, so maybe I put high expectations on how chilled this summer could be and instead feel like we’ve drifted apart. I listened to a pod cast a while ago called ‘let them’ I need to do that more! Let him do his own thing 😍

I didn't mean to come across as criticising. I am a single parent to, and it can be tough!

I think you have done the right thing in preventing him being up all night on the Xbox, and by insisting he does his share of household chores.

But beyond that, let him have the summer that he chooses! If that is mostly sleeping, so be it.

DD's main responsibility is loading and unloading the dishwasher. Recently she moaned that this is never ending, and I said 'welcome to adulthood' 😂seriously, though, they are facing 50 years of never ending responsibilities, a few weeks of slobbing out (if that's what they choose) is ok

I wouldn’t allow gaming until late at night, even in holidays.

also wouldn’t be offering food/drink in his room.

But why not?

They are 16 and gaming with friends.

They have to start being able to make their own decisions. And they are on holiday

Ah ok @awej that makes more sense that it's the relationship side. I do wonder if it's still the stress of it all coming out now the pressure is off.

I don't know if your son is staying at the same school for sixth form or if his friends might be going elsewhere but for DD she is moving and so it's a big change - this huge thing, school, that's defined her life for so many years is over. She's had years of build up to GCSEs and then prom and all the end of year stuff and now she's out of routine, is getting her head around a new place for sixth form etc. So she's been quite grumpy at times!

I'm on my own too, it's tough. I reckon take the pressure off as much as possible, give him some space and things will settle down.

My daughter has just done her GCSE’s too, I just leave her to it, not sure what time she gets up when I’m at work. She’s worked so hard, she can do what makes her happy