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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this conversation a red flag between exs ?

113 replies

LexiAllen · 06/07/2024 18:26

the guy I’m dating ex girlfriend posted a quote on her story saying “she’s hard to replace, and unforgettable, hard to come bye”. He responded to her quote and texted her saying “yea yea yea” . she responded saying “you know it” then he said “mmh idk”. She then replied saying “you know you still like me” and he responded saying “how are you so sure” ….

why did he even comment on her post saying that?

OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 07/07/2024 08:55

@LexiAllen

you're 23 . Stop wasting your youth on this twat. You might think he's 'all that' but he's not. He'll break your heart and he's NOT worth it. Get out, go have fun, don't waste you life like this!!

SoupDragon · 07/07/2024 09:03

It doesn't matter whether he has feelings for her or not. You don't trust him. You're 23 and checking his messages and conversations. Is that how you want to live?

find someone you trust.

Wishimaywishimight · 07/07/2024 09:09

Why are you even paying attention to this utter nonsense? Stop living your life through social media and just walk away from this idiot.

inlandriverview · 07/07/2024 09:24

They still like each other for sure

Ingens · 07/07/2024 10:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SamW98 · 07/07/2024 10:46

So let’s get this straight, your bf and his ex are openly flirting online and you know his because you are stalking his private messages on his phone?

Seriously this is so playground it’s ridiculous. You don’t trust him (rightly so by sounds of it) and he’s still got a thing for his ex (and feeling is mutual)

Why are you wasting your life on this headfuck?

pinkyredrose · 07/07/2024 10:59

LexiAllen · 06/07/2024 20:36

No her whole post was for everyone to see…. I’m not sure if you guys are familiar with instagram/facebook? There’s a feature where you can post on your story which is public so that’s what she did. He responded to her post which went to her private message/DM… which only she can see his reply. Still doesn’t make it better though

Yes we know what Facebook and Instagram are, we're not living under rocks.

kkloo · 07/07/2024 17:10

NotAgainWilson · 07/07/2024 07:09

Have you had one of those in your life? I have and believe me, posting that thing online is NOT a problem, but having her trying to prove the point that nobody would be as good as her to her ex, just when the ex has started dating someone else, and more so, the ex entertaining such conversation are pretty good signs of a woman used to be in control and a man conditioned to do as she is told by her.

Whether he is looking to go back to her or not, is irrelevant. She still has a good hold on him and just for that OP would be better off letting him go.

The boyfriend messaged her, not the other way around.

Those type of 'I'm the prize' self-love type quotes are always being shared, he messaged her back with something that was either flirty or rude and so she responded.

You didn't make any comment on the boyfriend, just that the ex sounded deranged 🤔

LexiAllen · 08/07/2024 04:52

This was the updated text I forgot to add. So after he said “he did like her” she replied and said “and you haven’t done nothing about it?”
he then replied and said “what am I supposed to do lol”? Then he asked her “do you work on Friday”……..

that was it and yes I’m done with him.

OP posts:
LexiAllen · 08/07/2024 04:53

So meaning he liked her the whole time?

OP posts:
Lostworlds · 08/07/2024 05:17

Who knows, he may have liked her the whole time or he may have fallen for her again but really it doesn’t matter.

Its showed you the type of person he is and that you’re better off without him.

I know you’ll be upset but again he isn’t worth it.

LexiAllen · 08/07/2024 05:21

Lostworlds · 08/07/2024 05:17

Who knows, he may have liked her the whole time or he may have fallen for her again but really it doesn’t matter.

Its showed you the type of person he is and that you’re better off without him.

I know you’ll be upset but again he isn’t worth it.

How did he fall for her again?

OP posts:
Lostworlds · 08/07/2024 05:24

It doesn’t matter. Sorry you’re hurting but over thinking it won’t help you move on. Doesn’t matter if he liked her the whole time or decided he liked her again, the truth is he likes her, he spoke to her and he clearly wants to be with her so you need to accept that and forget about him and the conversations.

Sorry I’m being blunt but you’re 23, you have your whole life ahead of you and you’ve spent time looking through your ex’s phone which isn’t healthy. Spend time being single and enjoying the single life. Focus on you and don’t give him and this situation another thought

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 08/07/2024 05:54

Just be grateful you’ve realised he’s a dickhead before you got too serious… personally I think he’s liking being chased which makes him a bigger dickhead

Lick your wounds and realise if you ever feel the need to check a future partners messages etc then you aren’t in a loving trusting relationship

I don’t know my husbands PIN number for his phone - he’s told me I just forgot as I don’t need to know and if I needed to know he’d tell me ..

kkloo · 08/07/2024 05:58

LexiAllen · 08/07/2024 05:21

How did he fall for her again?

Doesn't matter. No one knows the ins and outs of their relationship and their relationship dynamic except for the 2 of them.

What you do know is that he's behaved inappropriately and disrespectfully towards you and that he let her know he still had feelings and tried to meet up with her.

LexiAllen · 08/07/2024 06:29

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 08/07/2024 05:54

Just be grateful you’ve realised he’s a dickhead before you got too serious… personally I think he’s liking being chased which makes him a bigger dickhead

Lick your wounds and realise if you ever feel the need to check a future partners messages etc then you aren’t in a loving trusting relationship

I don’t know my husbands PIN number for his phone - he’s told me I just forgot as I don’t need to know and if I needed to know he’d tell me ..

You think she’s chasing him ?

OP posts:
Azerothi · 08/07/2024 06:41

LexiAllen · 08/07/2024 06:29

You think she’s chasing him ?

He's chasing her, definitely.

Iaskedyouthrice · 08/07/2024 06:44

If this is real please stop @LexiAllen . Just stop. They like each other. She knew exactly what she was doing and so did he.
You are checking his phone and do so regularly by the sounds of it. It is all very toxic isn't it?
Stop looking for reasons to cling on to him, he will NOT respect you for it and will just ramp up the bad behaviour cos he knows you will put up with it.

LexiAllen · 08/07/2024 07:23

Azerothi · 08/07/2024 06:41

He's chasing her, definitely.

The poster above you said that “he likes been chased”…..

OP posts:
LexiAllen · 08/07/2024 07:25

kkloo · 08/07/2024 05:58

Doesn't matter. No one knows the ins and outs of their relationship and their relationship dynamic except for the 2 of them.

What you do know is that he's behaved inappropriately and disrespectfully towards you and that he let her know he still had feelings and tried to meet up with her.

I’m done with the situation but…. Why do you think he’s trying to meet up with her is it maybe only for “ intercourse”? Right before we started he did admit he hooked up with her …. But there wasn’t any feelings involved..

OP posts:
AGodawfulsmallaffair · 08/07/2024 07:27

Rondel · 06/07/2024 18:57

Exactly.

Fortunately in my case it was pre-Internet, so we just scribbled PAUL+LISA4EVER on walls.

😆

sparkles79 · 08/07/2024 07:38

OP just walk away they will have feelings for each other

Newnamehiwhodis · 08/07/2024 07:52

i completely understand that you have a ton of questions - it feels like it would feel better if you had all the answers, maybe-
but it won’t. And you can’t ever know, really. Just work on stopping. Stop giving your energy to him. Wondering why, does he have feelings, when, etc- it’s all a waste of your life.

he is an idiot. He’s shallow. He’s boring - I mean seriously, these messages are DULL AF. you can do so much better than this dumbass.

he keeps sending her little messages because he’s fishing for attention.

drop him, block him, know you’re WAY better than this crap, embody the ice queen and just walk away.

I promise you, denying him ANY more of your time, attention, and energy is the best possible revenge.

Lostworlds · 08/07/2024 08:04

LexiAllen · 08/07/2024 07:25

I’m done with the situation but…. Why do you think he’s trying to meet up with her is it maybe only for “ intercourse”? Right before we started he did admit he hooked up with her …. But there wasn’t any feelings involved..

Stop analysing it! Sorry to be blunt but no one here you can tell why he likes her all we can say is move on.

He has decided he likes her, he went about it a really rubbish way but it is what it is. You’ve found out from checking his phone so you didn't trust him anyway!

You’re really paranoid about this one girl, it’s not her, she’s single and can do as she pleases. Hes the one who was in a relationship with you and has disregarded your feelings .

Doesn’t matter if she was chasing him or he was chasing her, they’ve decided they like each other and you’re better off without him .

PinotPony · 08/07/2024 09:34

@LexiAllen It doesn't matter why, when, how...stop asking yourself those questions. You'll never know the answers.

He's openly flirting with his ex, either because he wants to fuck her or she's the love of his life. It doesn't matter which. All you need to know is that he's a twat who disrespects you.

The unanimous advice from all of us is to dump him immediately. Then block him so he can't wheedle his way back in.