Hi everyone,
I met a guy (we're both in our late thirties) through a mutual friend for a couple of months and managed to hang out with him in his friendship group a few times, although only every few weeks as we both work a lot and are in different cities. We've also been whatsapping a fair bit and he seemed like a really sweet person who I have things in common with, although obviously that's something you need to explore over time. Last weekend he asked if he could kiss me, we kissed and I suggested I go back to his place since I knew it'd be a while before I could come to his city again. He had a handful of teenage girlfriends, dated a woman more recently but only for a month or so I think and apart from that, just had one relationship for almost a decade with someone who didn't believe in living together or sex before marriage.
I found the sex pretty weird and I'm not sure what to make of it! I'm a confident and athletic woman, not petite and quite assertive in life, and he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom which hasn't happened with anyone since I was much younger. He said he was 'quite dom in the bedroom'. Then he was making growly animal noises, (gently) biting my neck, did a bit of manual stuff, bit of oral, I gave him some direction (faster, slower, press there, etc) and he was a bit thrown and said 'oh ok, erm, you're a bit bossy! Like you're saying faster one minute and then slow the next...' so I was like, well, all woman are obviously different so I need to show you what works for me. But I was feeling pissed off that he said I was bossy. We moved on to penetration and he seemed to be just moving from position to position and not really taking any cues or expecting feedback, then he said I was being really quiet and didn't look like I was enjoying it. He said he would have liked it if I'd been noisy and come really explosively (!) so I was trying to explain that I was unlikely to come the first few times with a new partner as it takes me time to adjust, and also thinking it's pretty unrealistic to expect that (although I only know for myself obviously, maybe some women do do that?). Neither of us came so I suggested we cuddle for a bit, he kept doing the growly biting thing and I ended up saying let's get some sleep now. He also said as we were having sex then would it be okay to be exclusive? I said sure because tbh that's generally how I operate anyway, I don't like focussing on multiple people at a time.
We spend time together the next day and he said a few more things I found pretty weird, one was that (I think he meant it as a compliment) he kept saying I was a 9/10 (haven't heard that kind of thing since I was a teenager!) Also, I hadn't shaved my happy trail as no one normally sees it and we were talking about body hair and I was saying how I generally don't bother to shave in the winter as it's cold here so it's always covered up, but generally do in the summer. He said that for him I was a bit less feminine with clothes off than on because of the happy trail and he'd never seen one on a woman before. So I was like, well, a lot of women have one but they shave it...
Since then he's been whatsapping me daily with flirty messages with kiss emojis and cutesy gifs and stuff. It got a bit much as I was abroad and very busy so after a couple of days I asked if we could just leave the whatsapping until I was back home. I just find that kind of thing quite annoying which I realise is something I should communicate to him, but I'm also a bit thrown at the level of contact this early in. I am an introvert who dislikes texting anyway so that could partly be me.
I'm trying to weigh up what to say to him now I am back home - he does seem like a super nice person and ordinarily I'd go on some dates with him and carry on getting to know him to see where things go. But the sexual dynamic was pretty off for me - not sure how much that's his personality and we're basically incompatible or how much it might be something that improves with time and a lot of input from me. The bossy comment, hair/femininity comment and 9/10 comment I would usually interpret as red flags but with him, I'm thinking maybe it's just bumbling around due to inexperience. On the other hand, how does someone get to their late thirties and act like this? Input would be very welcome.