Niece pregnant at 16 - have I done the right thing?

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My niece is pregnant, 9 weeks. She told me over the phone and asked me to tell her mum and dad. I said no, you need to tell them because they will want to hear that from you. I said she has a week to do it, I will be there if she wants, whatever she wants to do I support her and all that.
My brother and his wife had her at 18, so I don’t think they will be angry or judgemental. Obviously they will not be thrilled. I’m not thrilled about potentially being a great aunt in my 20s that’s for sure, but I love her and support whatever she does.
The reason I think it’s best for her to tell them and not me is because I know it would hurt my brother and sister in law to think she was scared to tell them. And also I think she does need to take a bit of responsibility.
I told my partner about it and he said he thinks a week is too long and I should have given her less time, I’m kind of second guessing now. If she does opt for an abortion she will probably have to have it inpatient because she will be too far along, so that is stressing me. However I think she will opt to keep the baby.
The other thing is the farther. He is her boyfriend, he’s lovely, and says he supports whatever she does. Obviously no one wants teen pregnancy, but if it’s going to happen he’s probably as good as it gets. He hasn’t told his family yet, and his family aren’t that nice from what I hear. So I am a bit concerned for him.
I’m really just looking for advice and to be fully transparent reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. I am very close with my niece and my brother and sister in law, my sister in law has been in my life since I was a toddler so I want to do right by them.

If I lived close by I would tell her that I'm coming over tonight and we'll tell them together, they won't thank you for keeping it from them for a week.

Has she had a scan to confirm gestation? I would be going with her to tell them tonight, especially if she may be considering an abortion. A disparity of a few weeks is massive for abortion.

Can you be there when she tells her parents? There’s a lot to talk about and consider, especially at such a young age, and any conversations need to be had sooner rather than later.

I’m far but I do have the means to get over. It would be a financial hit but one I could handle. I’d have to call into work but they're accommodating. To be honest the weak thing was because I assumed she would probably cave and tell them right away but it’s been two days now and she hasn’t. I’m spiralling a bit because I’m worried about why she’s not telling them.

I think given that she'd screwed up the courage to tell you, leaving it another week wasn't great. Better to rip off the bandage and tell her to do it today and that you'd be with her while she told them if that would help.

She's not telling them because she doesn't want to so she's putting it off as long as possible.

Honestly? If you'd just done what she'd asked it'd all be over by now and while yes, maybe they'd have been hurt, they'll know she told you first anyway which also will sting a bit. They'll get over it.

Like pp, I think offering to be with her when she tells them might be best.

But it is good that she has you to confide in, and that she has someone who can guide her. It's surely very overwhelming for her, but she may need a prompt to get the news out to her parents.

Your sound very close to all family involved. Of course niece sees you as a safe confident. I would call niece right now tell her you are coming over tonite and will be there while she tells her parents. You are coming from a place of love and support. I still remember when my friend CC had to stand beside her sister MM at age 18 in the 80s and tell her parents she was expecting. It all worked out she and baby daddy still married today even tho they were also young. And this allows time for all decisions to be discussed and the right decision for niece to be made. If niece can’t get it out or cries or simply loses her words just place a supportive hand on her back and say it for her and then SIL and db will take it from there.

She's not telling them because she's worried about how they'll react. My son was worried about telling me his girlfriend was pregnant and they're in their 20s. It's to be expected. I wasn't offended that he was worried, I just tried my best not to ruin it for him by not being happy for him.

Personally, I'd rather find out over the phone from a third party than know that others knew and didn't tell me for days but it's your choice.

I'd be so pissed off if I were your sister. She asked you to tell her parents - so presumably she wanted them to know but was afraid to tell them herself - but instead you chose to sit on the information for a week. Meanwhile, your niece is left stressing about how to tell them and without parental support.

Wrong call.

This

No, I don;t think you have done the right thing. She asked you to tell them. At the very least I would have gone over in person and either told them with her or if not just told them like she asked you to.

It must have taken a lot for her to ask you.

Have you asked her directly if she wants to continue with the pregnancy? If my sister had come to me at 16 and didn’t want to continue, I honestly think I would have taken her to get a termination without involving our parents.

Or do you think she’s stalling to tell them until she is too far along to have a termination, so they can’t pressure her to have one? If you have the means to go and support her in person to tell her parents, I would do that. If she wishes to continue with her pregnancy, she needs to be on vitamins and registered with a midwife ASAP.

It's difficult being a pregnant teenager, but there's actually an extra layer of pressure being a pregnant teenager in a family where there's a history of teen pregnancy and "We were fine! Look at our amazing family when we were such young parents!". Even if it's not actually the parents' personal opinion, it can feel difficult as a teen to say "well actually...I don't think I want it for myself"

So hopefully, everyone will be neutral and make it clear that all options are open.

She’s not said she wants a termination, I asked what she wants to do and she said tell her parents. I also said you know you have options and she said she doesn’t think she can do that. Based on things she’s said in the past and this I think she wants to keep it. I know they won’t try and pressure her. Obviously you never know till it happens but I am confident they wouldn’t do that and I’d be pretty shocked if they did.

Poor girl. She is 16, pregnant and scared. I see you said you would be there, so arrange to be there, and as quickly as possible. Waiting up to a week to tell them is going to start impacting her options, if she does not want to continue the pregnancy.

Please call her back OP.

I’ve told her I’m coming down tonight, I will probably be there at around 8 and I’m going to pick her up and take her to Maccies (probably not what’s best for the baby but I always take her to the drive through) and we are going to make a game plan of what we say then we are going in and telling her parents. She isn’t thrilled at the thought of this but accepts it has to be done. When I get there I’m going to ask what she wants to do, tell her she has my full support ect. If she does want a termination I will probably give her the option of not telling her parents but I honestly don’t know about that. I have a strong suspicion she will keep it, but I accept her either way. I feel like with a lot of the things she’s said she’s testing the waters for wanting to keep the baby.

I'd tell them for her like she wanted you too. I'd tell her to go out for a bit then I'd tell them. I'd give them chance to get their heads around it and gather themselves together. Then I'd ring her and tell her to come home and stay whilst she discussed things with her parents. Poor girl, I hope she gets the support she needs.

TBH the supporting her through termination decisions etc if surely the job of her parents? Her mum isn't going to be best pleased if you took her DD to have an abortion without being given the opportunity to support her, you aren't her DM. This is her choice yes, and it is wonderful that she has you, but make sure you aren't inserting yourself too far into a role that isn't actually yours. We've no evidence so far that her parents are going to be unsupportive

I'm glad she has you to talk too.

Be prepared her parents might be annoyed ( initially ) that she has come to you and not them until they get their heads round it.

I know you mentioned if she wants an abortion you potentially wont tell them but I probably wouldn't mention that too her incase she thinks its a good way for them not to find out.

Also, if ever they found out later, years down the line, I wouldn't want to have to deal with the fall out that you knew and never said anything.

Best of luck to your niece OP. She sounds sensible and I hope her parents react as well as can be expected.

I'd just do what she asked and tell her parents.

She's a kid. She's scared. But she wants them to know, but doesn't know how to tell them.

You're the adult here and - in your shoes - I'd have told her parents asap.

She does need to think a LOT about how being a parent will affect her life if she chooses to continue her pregnancy. How will she manage college or an apprenticeship. Will she defer or carry on with a short period of mat leave. Where will she live. How will she afford childcare etc.

But if she's c. nine weeks along she doesn't have a tremendous amount of time and you and her parents as responsible adults need to be supporting and guiding her to think and decide about what she wants to do.

I think you’re going the right thing being physically there when she tells her parents.

Has she just done her GCSEs so is off school or is she in year 12? It might be better to do it on a Friday night if she’s in year 12 so she doesn’t have to go to school the day after an emotional night.

I think you’re doing the right thing and going over and doing it with her!
let us know how you get on!

Does she even know that a termination under 10 weeks is via tablets at home? Or tablets in a clinic if she is slightly further along rather than surgical? Give her the options, lay it out for her. Termination, adoption or keep the baby.

How is she going to pay for everything this baby needs? How is the Dad meant to pay for anything when he is also a child? The reality is this is going to be incredibly hard even with support. Would her parents want a baby in their house?

You're doing the right thing. I would consider telling them yourself with her present if she just can't get the words out. If I was her parent though I'd want her to have a termination at 16.