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Original poster

Niece pregnant at 16 - have I done the right thing?

40 replies

Namechange4231 · 02/07/2024 14:40

My niece is pregnant, 9 weeks. She told me over the phone and asked me to tell her mum and dad. I said no, you need to tell them because they will want to hear that from you. I said she has a week to do it, I will be there if she wants, whatever she wants to do I support her and all that.
My brother and his wife had her at 18, so I don’t think they will be angry or judgemental. Obviously they will not be thrilled. I’m not thrilled about potentially being a great aunt in my 20s that’s for sure, but I love her and support whatever she does.
The reason I think it’s best for her to tell them and not me is because I know it would hurt my brother and sister in law to think she was scared to tell them. And also I think she does need to take a bit of responsibility.
I told my partner about it and he said he thinks a week is too long and I should have given her less time, I’m kind of second guessing now. If she does opt for an abortion she will probably have to have it inpatient because she will be too far along, so that is stressing me. However I think she will opt to keep the baby.
The other thing is the farther. He is her boyfriend, he’s lovely, and says he supports whatever she does. Obviously no one wants teen pregnancy, but if it’s going to happen he’s probably as good as it gets. He hasn’t told his family yet, and his family aren’t that nice from what I hear. So I am a bit concerned for him.
I’m really just looking for advice and to be fully transparent reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. I am very close with my niece and my brother and sister in law, my sister in law has been in my life since I was a toddler so I want to do right by them.

OP posts:
BruFord · 02/07/2024 17:06

Regardless of whether she decides to keep the baby or not, her parents do need to be told. They’re responsible for her and what if she had medical complications after a termination, for example, and they had no idea what was happening? It could be life threatening.

You’re being great, OP, your niece is lucky to have you in her life. 💐

Icanttakethisanymore · 02/07/2024 17:08

BarHumbugs · 02/07/2024 14:42

If I lived close by I would tell her that I'm coming over tonight and we'll tell them together, they won't thank you for keeping it from them for a week.

Yep

5128gap · 02/07/2024 17:24

Tell your sister for her. First reactions to this sort of news are not always the best and you will be sparing your neice and sister potentially saying and hearing things that may be hard to get past. Let your sister know and compose herself so she can respond to her daughter calmly.

Rycbar · 02/07/2024 20:38

Namechange4231 · 02/07/2024 14:40

My niece is pregnant, 9 weeks. She told me over the phone and asked me to tell her mum and dad. I said no, you need to tell them because they will want to hear that from you. I said she has a week to do it, I will be there if she wants, whatever she wants to do I support her and all that.
My brother and his wife had her at 18, so I don’t think they will be angry or judgemental. Obviously they will not be thrilled. I’m not thrilled about potentially being a great aunt in my 20s that’s for sure, but I love her and support whatever she does.
The reason I think it’s best for her to tell them and not me is because I know it would hurt my brother and sister in law to think she was scared to tell them. And also I think she does need to take a bit of responsibility.
I told my partner about it and he said he thinks a week is too long and I should have given her less time, I’m kind of second guessing now. If she does opt for an abortion she will probably have to have it inpatient because she will be too far along, so that is stressing me. However I think she will opt to keep the baby.
The other thing is the farther. He is her boyfriend, he’s lovely, and says he supports whatever she does. Obviously no one wants teen pregnancy, but if it’s going to happen he’s probably as good as it gets. He hasn’t told his family yet, and his family aren’t that nice from what I hear. So I am a bit concerned for him.
I’m really just looking for advice and to be fully transparent reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. I am very close with my niece and my brother and sister in law, my sister in law has been in my life since I was a toddler so I want to do right by them.

I’ve just had a miscarriage at 9 weeks and that was at home so she might not have to be an inpatient. However, it was incredibly painful and there was a lot of blood so I think if a medical abortion is the same (which it is because medication to abort is the same as helping with retained product in a miscarriage) I think she’d struggle to hide it from her parents at home.

FawnFrenchieMum · 02/07/2024 20:47

Thinking of your @Namechange4231 hope it’s gone ok.

ChickenAlaPox · 02/07/2024 21:08

I would be fuming at you tbh. She rang you, all vulnerable and scared and you bullied her. So the fuck what if you tell them instead of her? Your reasons are so weak. It would mean so much to have you there and tell them. A week is too long in case she wants to abort. You should tell her parents like she asked. She trusted you, you should have stuck by her not humiliated her like this. All you have to lose is an awkward conversation, she has so much fear and worry. I think you were unbelievably callous and weak, you have let her down. The only way to correct it now is not with a game plan and mcdonalds, it's for you to go to her parents and tell them with the kid's permission.

ChickenAlaPox · 02/07/2024 21:09

Fuck them being hurt she didn't tell them, they have bigger problems by the sound of it going for many years. I feel sorry for her because she obviously thought you are the closest person to her that she could talk to and you too have messed her and let her down. This kid has nobody, no wonder.

BruFord · 02/07/2024 21:42

@ChickenAlaPox Calm down, the OP hasn’t done anything wrong, she’s been blindsided by this and has handled it as she thought best.

Tbh, I think her niece should tell her parents as the three of them will be dealing with the situation, whatever she decides. It’s nothing to do with her auntie really.

ChickenAlaPox · 02/07/2024 22:02

It sounds mad.
Can u tell them now? No, you do and have a week to do it. Ok then I will wait the week. Then meet her and lets rehearse a gameplan. It's like you blackmailed her when she came to you vulnerable and scared. @BruFord I think it's insane how you're saying she was great and lucky to have her lol so if you think my reaction is inappropriate, the feeling is mutual hun.

BruFord · 02/07/2024 22:09

@ChickenAlaPox Even if you think that the OP has mishandled the situation, I don’t understand why you were so rude to her. Why did you swear at her?

freakinthespreadsheets · 02/07/2024 22:12

OP you did what you thought was right at the time in the face of a big dilemma needing to make a split second decision and on reflection you changed your mind. That's OK, and you are still there to support your niece.
Hope all has gone well x

SoulofaPanda · 02/07/2024 22:16

No idea why you said she had a week. That’s bonkers.
Should have told her she had to tell them by the end of the day.
Id be furious if I knew a family member knew for a bloody week and didn’t get her to tell me.

babadumm · 02/07/2024 22:49

ChickenAlaPox · 02/07/2024 21:08

I would be fuming at you tbh. She rang you, all vulnerable and scared and you bullied her. So the fuck what if you tell them instead of her? Your reasons are so weak. It would mean so much to have you there and tell them. A week is too long in case she wants to abort. You should tell her parents like she asked. She trusted you, you should have stuck by her not humiliated her like this. All you have to lose is an awkward conversation, she has so much fear and worry. I think you were unbelievably callous and weak, you have let her down. The only way to correct it now is not with a game plan and mcdonalds, it's for you to go to her parents and tell them with the kid's permission.

"Bullied"? "Humiliated"? You need to calm down and get off your soapbox. OP loves her niece more than you do for sure. There's no right or wrong playbook for these situations, and she's going to physically be with her niece now.

NeedingAGoodNap · 03/07/2024 00:27

ChickenAlaPox · 02/07/2024 22:02

It sounds mad.
Can u tell them now? No, you do and have a week to do it. Ok then I will wait the week. Then meet her and lets rehearse a gameplan. It's like you blackmailed her when she came to you vulnerable and scared. @BruFord I think it's insane how you're saying she was great and lucky to have her lol so if you think my reaction is inappropriate, the feeling is mutual hun.

This is such a strange overreaction. I don’t think OP was overly harsh on her niece. She has gotten herself into a grown up mess so perhaps she should deal with it like a grown up and tell her parents herself. Especially if she wants to keep this baby - she needs to grow up fast

FawnFrenchieMum · 06/07/2024 22:08

@Namechange4231 how did it go? How is everyone now?

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