Partner terrible in mornings

[sarahmarkets33]

Everytime my partner wakes up he is so moody for about an hour. I think he could be low key depressed but he refuses to speak to me about anything, so I am very limited in to what i can do. I even offered to pay for his therapy.
He speaks to be very condescending, I am at the point now where I might just start to create my own life and do my own thing eg gym early/walk the dogs/cook breakfast. Once he comes around he is quiet, but he is just very sarcastic. I am working away at the minute and call him in the mornings on the way to work and its always passive agressive for example "where did your dad go last night then?" him " i dont know i dont care either" me "ok" --- dead silence. me "what you doing at work today" him " i dont know babe i havent got that far yet" me "ok - silence" its like im just bothering him and im starting to feel useless/stupid.

Now today, i just said "i am going to get off the phone now" and he said ok and we hung up. i have tried talking about this over and over and his usual response is blaming me for being annoying or asking silly questions, this approach isnt working, so i think im just going to distance myself as its getting me down. imagine having kids and just being so miserable in the morning - anyone experienced this??
Then when he does call or text me again he acts like everything is normal, takes an interest in my day, and we are back to square one and i cant help but feel annoyed how he spoke to me? am i meant to just get on with it?

Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?

another example we have a virtual tour for somewhere for a party, and i said do you think its an opportunity to ask more questions and his response is "its an hour long tour - you have to be kidding me right"? - why is everything i say an issue :(

You don't sound well matched.

It seems like you are just not compatible. He's not a morning person and doesn't like inane chatter, and you are a morning person and do like to chat.

If you are away for work and know he's like this, why on earth are you calling him on the way to work for a chat in the morning when you know he hates it and will be rude to you?!

But I think fundamentally you aren't compatible and shouldn't waste any more time on this relationship.

@musicalfrog i suppose. Can I ask why you say this?

TBH it sounds like you just annoy him which is a bit of a death knell for a relationship. Don’t be a doormat for his grumpiness. Definitely don’t call before mid day unless it’s an emergency- in fact if he’s being patronising and rude don’t call him at all. Make plans to see friends and do hobbies- and don’t let him gloss over being rude to you. Definitely don’t pay for therapy, there’s no known cure for being a grumpy twat.

Was he always like this?

You know he's not a morning person yet persist in calling him for inane chatter, you'd annoy me.
If he's a good guy the rest of the time, leave him be in the morning.

Quite. My partner can be short in the mornings if he's slept badly. I just leave him to it.

Just ignore him. Do you need this inane chatter every morning.

I can be quite chatty from about mid morning onwards but anyone burbling first thing in the morning would probably think I'm quite miserable.
I just need time for several coffees to wake my brain up first.
It sounds like he is the same.
If he's ok the rest of the time just call him later instead.

He's not treating you with respect for a start. If he truly cared he would at least sit you down and talk to you about why he's not enjoying the morning chats.

You deserve better.

Just leave the poor man in peace in the morning if your relationship is otherwise fine.

@GrumpyPanda haha, i get it, its one thing just not being a morning person though and another thing being rude and condescending in my opinion. he has communication issues and just cant communicate i suppose

where did your dad go last night then?" him " i dont know i dont care either" me "ok" --- dead silence. me "what you doing at work today"

On the way out to work if I got asked questions like that daily I'd go spare.

Regardless of if he's not a morning person etc, there's no need to be rude to you, he needs to communicate that he's not up for chatting in the morning etc like an adult and find a compromise etc, and instead he's being rude and miserable? Yeah this is only going to get worse.

Does he talk like this to you say after midday - if yes then you have big problems.

If he is fine and chatty in the afternoon night just don’t call him in the morning… I would hate to be talking on the phone in the morning , I’m a morning person but don’t want a full blown recount of my night first thing and a million questions either. If he isn’t a morning person and you know this why are you calling him?

My Dd is like this.

Shes lovely when she comes round though.

I don’t enjoy speaking to people first thing in the morning so I don’t. I’m sure I come across grumpy if people try. Can you not just respect that mid morning onwards he’s more well placed to chat? I couldn’t be with someone that expected me to talk for the first few hours. I just want coffee and to eventually come to.

OP he doesn’t like mornings.
Why call him in the morning and ask him what his dad was doing? Or ask what he’s doing at work before he even got there? His response to the last one sounded quite reasonable to me.

I think it’s good he still picks up the phone if I am really honest. If you call at a time he doesn’t want to talk it’s not up to him to make a fun conversation with you.

How about calling and saying ‘ I just wanted to hear your lovely voice and now I have I will have a better day’ or something less cheesy. Or call him at lunchtime and just text a quick good morning text to him as you head to work.

Also if you’re ringing from a car journey I would find that annoying. People driving / commuting never fully focus on the call and just as well if they are driving. But it’s tedious for the listener.

If he's moody and sarcastic all the time, get rid. As PP said, is this how you want to spend your life?

If he's not a morning person and you are, it might be a case of compromise.
My DP isn't a morning person at all but I am.
We generally do our own thing in the mornings and then come together for a brew once he's woken up properly and once I've got my first-thing burst of energy out my system. If we have to interact, we're conscious of each other's headspace and always apolgise to each other later if we're inadvertently inconsiderate and piss each other off.

Why does he answer the phone though?

Stop calling him in the mornings and see how it goes.