Partner terrible in mornings

[sarahmarkets33]

Everytime my partner wakes up he is so moody for about an hour. I think he could be low key depressed but he refuses to speak to me about anything, so I am very limited in to what i can do. I even offered to pay for his therapy.
He speaks to be very condescending, I am at the point now where I might just start to create my own life and do my own thing eg gym early/walk the dogs/cook breakfast. Once he comes around he is quiet, but he is just very sarcastic. I am working away at the minute and call him in the mornings on the way to work and its always passive agressive for example "where did your dad go last night then?" him " i dont know i dont care either" me "ok" --- dead silence. me "what you doing at work today" him " i dont know babe i havent got that far yet" me "ok - silence" its like im just bothering him and im starting to feel useless/stupid.

Now today, i just said "i am going to get off the phone now" and he said ok and we hung up. i have tried talking about this over and over and his usual response is blaming me for being annoying or asking silly questions, this approach isnt working, so i think im just going to distance myself as its getting me down. imagine having kids and just being so miserable in the morning - anyone experienced this??
Then when he does call or text me again he acts like everything is normal, takes an interest in my day, and we are back to square one and i cant help but feel annoyed how he spoke to me? am i meant to just get on with it?

Some people just don't function in the morning. I know someone who won't sit in the same train carriage as his daughter going to work in the morning, as communicating with anyone until he's more 'in the zone' pisses him off too much.
Personally, it's when I have most life and energy, but sometimes I have to just do my own thing until later.
If that's the only issue, live with it - just don't try to talk or plan to do anything together in his zombie period.

God, I'd have no patience with this. Why is it ok to be an arsehole just because you've decided you're "not a morning person"? It would be a thumbs down from me.

You know he doesn't want to talk in the mornings (not everyone does) yet you insist on making a totally unnecessary call to him every morning?

That will no doubt add to his annoyance.

It's not OK to be rude to you, or condescending. But it's also not OK to force a conversation on someone every morning which is unnecesary and they clearly don't want. Your call appears to irriate both of you and get both your days off to a bad start.

Why not stop the morning calls? If you're together in the morning, do your own thing.

If he's generally rude / doesn't want your company / won't have a conversation - that's another matter and you shouldn't be with him.

I have a friend who is antisocial for the first couple of hours in the morning. She knows she is. She's told those around here. We all just steer clear until mid morning. But she's lovely the rest of the time, and even when 'grumpy' is never unkind or rude.

Totally agree. I’m not a morning person at all and struggle to even grunt before midday. My nearest and dearest know this and it’s a standing joke not to even attempt to engage me in any form of conversation until lunchtime. It’s not even that us non morning people are being deliberately rude, our brains just aren’t functioning on a normal level at that point.

OP - if you know he’s crap in the mornings because that’s his his brain and body clock function, why keep trying to engage him It’s ? Let him come round in his own time.

You’ve got mismatched body clocks - it’s either something you work together to accept or you realise it’s a deal breaker.

Are you one of my friends because you’ve just described me 🤣🤣

Im absolutely fine after an hour or so but my mates know it’s pointless trying to speak to me when I’ve just woken up as my brain just doesn’t function.

I don't think calling people to chat early in the morning is sociable or normal, it's quite rude.
Texting surely then chat on the phone at lunch. Then at least there will be something to talk about. Rather than 'yeah, I'm awake. Brushed my teeth. Yep had a shower. Yep I'm on the tube. Yeah, Weetabix...'
It's just inane and pointless.

Just don't call him for pointless chat in the morning??

I can't stand this either. Inane chat before I've woken up viscerally annoys me. If I were him I'd just have stopped answering your morning calls long before now

Do not have kids with this man!

If you phoned me before work to barrack me with pointless questions, I'd be very rude the first time then just never answer the phone again. Conversation in our house is essential stuff only until I've had tea, breakfast and my shower. So immediate plans for the day might be briefly discussed such as can you pick up some milk on your way home but random conversation about what dad did yesterday is totally banned. Also if you wind me up first thing it's likely to put me in a bad mood all day. If my DH was able to learn to give me a bit of space I'm pretty sure you could If you tried

i work away a lot and all my partner gets in the morning is a 'morning x' text, which is reciprocated. no chance either of us would be calling for a chat. I usually give him a quick call before bed once i get in from dinner. Luckily we're both on the same page. Doesn't sound like both of you are.

This man doesn't like you op, he talks to you like shit.
He's treating you like this so you will end it, he's too much of a coward to do it and also men will toddle on with any woman even ones they don't like if she's facilitating life a bit for him, sharing bills, cooking, cleaning, sex etc anything will do but they won't end it, they just treat you with contempt until you've had enough and leave.

Tbh it would irritate the crap out of me if anyone called me for the absolute inane reasons in your OP . Honestly I don’t see your partners reaction being anything out of the ordinary and yet you’re trying to medically diagnose him with depression just because your body clocks don’t align - seriously that’s ridiculous. Hes made it clear to you he doesn’t do mornings so why keep pushing him?

And as for not wanting kids because he’s not a morning person - well I’ve got an adult son and he’s even grumpier in the mornings than me 🤣🤣.

I honestly think this is primarily on you. Why are you calling him in the mornings when you know he doesn't like it?!?? Are you doing it deliberately, do you see it as some kind of character deficiency on his part? Just leave him alone and let him talk when he's ready to, unless you'd like him to bother you when you don't want to be bothered

i honestly am struggling to understand your mindset - how can your own partner "bother" you, surely you have the wrong partner? my partners never "bother" me unless i am in a really bad mood, and again thats MY BAD MOOD problem... @JumalanTerve i cant just tell my partner they bother me because of my mood swings...

Are there any other warning signs - is he like this at other times? If so, this will only get worse.

If for some strange reason he is only rude in the morning and he's otherwise fabulous....maybe you can't change him, but you can change you, so consider your options. I would either (as you say) live your own life of a morning and not communicate with him OR I would be equally rude and awkward back, e.g. by just terminating the call. Don't pander to this and don't keep taking it. He is treating you with contempt, it's not a good sign.

I’m not a morning person and someone waking me up for a nonsense chat would drive me nuts.

Phone/message him later.🤷‍♀️

For the people saying that you are the problem for calling him, what you are doing is pretty normal, it's what a lot of people do to keep the connection. If he is not a morning person he could just diplomatically explain that he needs time to get going and better if you both don't speak before noon, maybe he could not answer the call, sent you a text like 'speak later x', nothing you are doing is making him be a dick - that's all on him.

His tone and being rude is absolutely not ok. But I do think you keep setting yourself up here by calling him in the mornings when you know he's not keen. If he told you he didn't like coffee would you keep bringing him a cappuccino just because you like coffee?

Give him some space with the morning calls for a bit and see if things improve.

Tbh I wouldn't like this. Inane chit chat before 11am would annoy me.

I don't like phone calls just to chat about nothing.

He might have low blood sugar after waking up.

Just stay separate in the mornings till the weirwolf comes back to normal.

Or leave him.

Has he ever asked you for some distance or peace & quiet in the mornings?

Sorry but someone calling me in the morning with no offence but pointless chit chat would drive me mad

why do people treat people with contempt? he does this A LOT

why do people treat people with contempt? he does this A LOT

If he treats people with contempt 'a lot' you have an answer. Don't be around to be the focus of it in years to come. It is more likely to get worse, not better.

I don't like to talk in the mornings when I start work but my lovely coworker is a chatterbox all times of the day. She will call in the morning and no matter how irritated I am, I'm always polite, even if its thru gritted teeth. So i think your DP could show more grace, and you probably shouldn't call him too much in the mornings, maybe once a week or so.