Ghosted for weeks. Do I offer to pay?

[Deepcalm]

I would like some advice please. I have dabbled in online dating this year but I haven’t really been taking it seriously. I met a man for a dog walk. We got on pretty well. He asked to meet up with me again which I agreed. However, he said he had a lot of dates lined up which didn’t bother me one way or another. He text me a few times after walk (very low intensity from both sides) then ghosted me for about 2-3 months. A week ago he sent me a couple of messages that didn’t require an answer so I didn’t reply as I just didn’t yet round to it. Yesterday he told me he had tickets to a group I liked ( he has no idea I like the group as we didn’t discuss music on our walk) and asked me to accompany him to a concert which is in about a week. I agreed to go and I’m really looking forward to it. I assume he’s been let down by someone he is dating. The question is do I offer to pay for the ticket or not, bearing in mind a) He ghosted me b) I’m obviously a last minute, replacement invite?

Don't offer to pay in advance. You can offer to pay for the ticket on the night. You're obviously not viewing him as a potential partner so I don't see a problem with just having a nice evening without any expectations.

Rather than offer to pay, ask him if he wants money for the ticket, and if so how much. Honestly that should have been your first question, then you can make an informed decision on whether you want to go or not. You can still ask, just send him a text saying hey did you £ for the ticket? And take it from there, if you're not happy to pay for it then say look sorry I didnt realise you were selling it, it wasnt clear, sorry you need to find someone else.

Eff him. I do get that you might not be bothered, but he seems to be making a very deliberate effort to let you know that you're "just an option".

I’d rather go on my own. Not sure why you’re pursuing this

I’m not going. I had a good think about it and as much as I’d like to go Rotherhithe concert I realised it was a bad idea

He didn't ghost you though, did he? You weren't invested, he was multi-dating. There was no relationship to ghost.
I'd just go to the concert.

@Missamyp i probably would’ve gone but I’m having a horrendous time at home ( carer for my elderly mother and everything is going tits up) so I made the decision to cancel

I’d probably go if I was sufficiently keen to see the band. I think I’d offer to pay because I wouldn’t want to feel indebted.

I don’t think I’d think too much about it beyond that.

It doesn’t sound like a great romance in the making but equally it doesn’t sound like either of you are losing sleep over it.

edit to add - missed the updates!

Absolutely do you NOT pay. Hes used up too many lives already. If you pay then hes really going to think youre a pushover. And dont spin me that line that says : If I dont pay then Ill have to reciprocate in another way. No woman on this Earth has to have an excuse not to copulate with a man. Sorry to be blunt. This is just my opinion; others may differ.

Are you living with your mother? That's going to make it difficult to form any relationship if so.
I'd of probably gone but not paid seeing as he was rude with communication. Or I'd of replied when asked "you paying?".
But then I'm a sucker for a good gig. In that price bracket, I'd guess its a tad mainstream for my taste though. Can't think of a band I'd want to see for that money.

Go and meet him, enjoy the concert and then bugger off home. He asked, I wouldn’t be offering any money. If he wanted paying for it he should say that.

I disagree, you cant get things back on track for the price of a concert ticket. What a farce....Im not payin fir no meal.

If it’s a band you really want to see then definitely go. That said, I’d friend zone him. He’s not boyfriend material, and I wouldn’t see him again - definitely pay for the ticket but not until you see him and you’re inside the venue. If you want to go just reply, ‘Spinds good. How much do I owe you for the ticket. I’ll give you the money on the night’.

@Opentooffers no i don’t live with my mum but I live nearby. She hasn’t been wee in the last week. I am also stressed out my head as I am unable to get her meds despite phoning every chemist in the area. I wouldn’t be in the right frame of mind to go to a concert with someone I don’t know very well

Offer to buy the tickets off him (at knock down price) and go with someone who appreciates you.

So many who is shagging many women finds himself at a lose end so reaches out to you.

Why are you going? If you want to go, get together with a friend and go separately without telling him.

If ypu both like the group and both just want someone to go with then it could still be a fun night. You might make a friend, assuming that neither of you are that bothered about each other romantically to persue each other in that way, you can still go to a concert together on a friendly basis. In that case I would say to him, yes but you would like to pay, and keep the conversation by text casual but friendly and I would probably say something like 'oh i do love that group and it would be great to have someone to go with that also likes them. Let me pay for my ticket, it will be fun to hang out. Hope the dating is going well, you can tell me how you got on when we meet'. I would say you could end up with a like minded friend whonlikes dog walking and the concerts you also like, it coukd progress from there but it seems neither of you were desperate to contact each other for romantic dates but you never know with these things.

He hasn’t treated you badly. It was one dog walk date and he was upfront he was seeing other and was all low key. You don’t sound fussed either way about it either.

All these people saying he treated you so badly need a head wobble. Do they expect a proposal from date 1? Goodness.

if you liked his company and want to go, go. Wouldn’t over complicate it. If you can afford the money offer it. If you can’t then simply say you haven’t got the money and he may just give you ticket as he has company anyway. Don’t over think it all.

I’d maybe offer to pay for next meal out of this one goes really well and a next time was def gonna happen but I’d not offer to contribute to the concert and if he mentioned it I’d know that was the reason for you going to claim back some expense. Different if you had both mentioned the band/ concert and said hey do you wanna half in for tickets then it could have been sorted out then but he’s already got them so you know you’re a second option

You’ve made the right decision not to go, but for clarity, he didn’t ghost you. You both had other stuff going on and were both dating others, so the contact dropped on both sides. That would have no correlation to whether or not you should be paying for your ticket.

I was surprised to see you are in your 50s because it seemed quite immature to think not paying might be appropriate, especially as you said he had texted you a couple of times and it was you who didn’t reply to him. Also, why would you want to be indebted to a man you barely know. I agree with the others, you need to work on your self-respect.

I am perplexed that you'd call that ghosting.

Not that he sounds appealing but you could have texted him instead of scorekeeping.

@BettyBardMacDonald yes I agree, I explained things incorrectly. I’m not firing on all cylinders at the moment as I’m struggling to care for my 90 year old parent. I think the stress of it has killed a few brain cells. I’m not going to the concert now anyway as I’ve got too much on my plate