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Original poster

Ghosted for weeks. Do I offer to pay?

72 replies

Deepcalm · 01/07/2024 14:33

I would like some advice please. I have dabbled in online dating this year but I haven’t really been taking it seriously. I met a man for a dog walk. We got on pretty well. He asked to meet up with me again which I agreed. However, he said he had a lot of dates lined up which didn’t bother me one way or another. He text me a few times after walk (very low intensity from both sides) then ghosted me for about 2-3 months. A week ago he sent me a couple of messages that didn’t require an answer so I didn’t reply as I just didn’t yet round to it. Yesterday he told me he had tickets to a group I liked ( he has no idea I like the group as we didn’t discuss music on our walk) and asked me to accompany him to a concert which is in about a week. I agreed to go and I’m really looking forward to it. I assume he’s been let down by someone he is dating. The question is do I offer to pay for the ticket or not, bearing in mind a) He ghosted me b) I’m obviously a last minute, replacement invite?

OP posts:
Thursdaygirl · 01/07/2024 15:34

Deepcalm · 01/07/2024 15:32

When I say ‘ghosted’ I mean we stopped messaging and I really wasn’t bothered as he had been honest, saying he was seeing others ( as I was too ). I know he wants to travel and as I have commitments, so I’m unable to fit into the lifestyle he wants, so I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t hear from him.
I don’t view this as a date, I see it as an opportunity to see a group I’ve liked for years. I’m not transferring any money before the concert in case it doesn’t materialise. I don’t think he’s a scammer though as he’s local and he’s affluent and I know where he lives

So he didn’t ghost you, just a case of neither party keeping in touch?

Khanga27 · 01/07/2024 15:34

Had it not been for the ghosting I’d have offered to pay. However given the ghosting already shows his flakiness, in my head you’ve two options:

  1. if you accept, see if it actually happens and he doesn’t fob you off again for someone else. If you do go, offer to pay but not until after the event.
  2. Decline the invite
Original poster
Deepcalm · 01/07/2024 15:35

I’ve no intention of shagging him and I don’t want a full on relationship with anyone as I haven’t got time due to family responsibilities. I’m in my late 50s and just want someone’s company at the weekend occasionally

OP posts:
Original poster
Deepcalm · 01/07/2024 15:38

My definition of ghosting is, our last communication after our walk meeting, he asked me a question, I replied and then I didn’t hear from him again until last week.
If he’d asked me on a date I’d have declined but I really want to see this particular group

OP posts:
voiceofastar · 01/07/2024 15:39

If I really wanted to see the group, I’d pay him for the ticket on the day, thank him and then walk off to stand/sit elsewhere Grin

Idontjetwashthefucker · 01/07/2024 15:40

I wouldn't be going either, he probably bought the ticket for someone else and is looking to recoup the money. If I did go, I certainly wouldn't be paying for the ticket.

How does he know you like this band if you'd never told him you did?

80smonster · 01/07/2024 15:52

Why all the drama? OP says she wasn’t that bothered by him, they were both dating others, now he’s cycled back to ask OP for a date and invited her to an expensive concert(one she’d love to see). I’d go and I wouldn’t even mention offering him half for the ticket… If I invite someone to something involving pricey tickets, I’d rather they paid for dinner and drinks after.

Sasqwatch · 01/07/2024 15:56

passthehobnobsplease · 01/07/2024 15:04

Have some self respect and cancel this date. He's treated you really badly and you deserve better

This

If you want to see the Band get your own tickets. You’re worth more than this OP.

Gettingbysomehow · 01/07/2024 15:56

Absolutely not!!!!! You didnt ask him to buy s ticket. Dont be so wet

Bittenonce · 01/07/2024 16:19

You want to go - so go!
He offered the ticket, so take it.
If you want to see each other after that, you pay for a meal.
But do this if you've both had an honest conversation about what you each want and expect.
Don't overcomplicate it, there's been no dishonesty or commitment on either side, take it as you would from a friend.

Janehasamane · 01/07/2024 16:23

I really don’t see the correlation between fhe ghosting and the paying, you can’t possibly think you’re entitled to a free ticket as he stopped communicating, how incredibly odd. Of.] course you offer the money, what’s wrong with you.

Berlinlover · 01/07/2024 16:27

You must have very low self esteem OP if you’re willing to meet this man again.

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 01/07/2024 16:29

passthehobnobsplease · 01/07/2024 15:04

Have some self respect and cancel this date. He's treated you really badly and you deserve better

This. ^ Cancel @Deepcalm then block him. Cheeky article he is! Hmm

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 01/07/2024 16:30

Berlinlover · 01/07/2024 16:27

You must have very low self esteem OP if you’re willing to meet this man again.

Yep this. I would just cancel, block, and ignore. Seems clear to me that this bloke has been let own by some other woman, and is using the OP as a 'reserve.'

PrincessMee · 01/07/2024 16:43

Oh no he can piss right off!

Flyrightby · 01/07/2024 17:04

I wouldn't want to go but you do so of course you offer to pay.

I can't see the connection between being ghosted/a last min invite and not paying. If you said yes, you should offer to pay for your ticket. Just transfer it after the event.

Aylestone · 01/07/2024 17:42

80smonster · 01/07/2024 15:52

Why all the drama? OP says she wasn’t that bothered by him, they were both dating others, now he’s cycled back to ask OP for a date and invited her to an expensive concert(one she’d love to see). I’d go and I wouldn’t even mention offering him half for the ticket… If I invite someone to something involving pricey tickets, I’d rather they paid for dinner and drinks after.

Because she originally said he ghosted her, and then drip fed other little bits of information which would have been relevant. As it is, I would still be questioning his motives for inviting her. If you had a spare concert ticket, would it even cross your mind to think ‘oh I know, I’ll invite that man I kind of dated but haven’t spoke to for 3 months because I didn’t really like him’. Those tickets cost a lot of money and it’s easy enough for the op to say she’s not going to sleep with him. But if it were me I’d still be imagining a night with a date who originally rejected me, probably having at least a few alcoholic drinks and then spending the night trying to get me to sleep with him. The op doesn’t state whether these are seated tickets and she can get away from him in this situation

ArsesUnited · 01/07/2024 17:59

I wanna know who the band is! 🤣

Tempnametoday · 01/07/2024 18:06

Depends who the band is…

sabryna · 01/07/2024 18:12

Could you offer to buy both tickets? (for a good price) And you take someone else?

Presumably he bought these with a view to take another women and they have split, so he might be grateful to get rid of them

RockingBeebo · 02/07/2024 06:42

I don't see why others are making such a fuss about this. Of course go. Doesn't sound like he has done anything wrong or that you are in danger of being hurt. I'd either ask how much you owe (hoping he says it's on him), or say thanks and that you will buy him drinks/food in return.

yourlittleworldfallingapart · 02/07/2024 06:59

I'd go but I wouldn't offer to pay. Just buy him a couple of drinks while you're there.

Speedweed · 02/07/2024 09:48

Go, but don't offer to pay.

It's a bit door-matty to allow someone who has met you, ghosted you and then turned back up (ie, wasn't really interested at the start but since nothing better has turned up, any port in a storm...) anyway, so don't compound that by offering to pay a lot of money for a ticket you never asked him to get.

And for God's sake, if he disappears again, block him and delete his number. Next!

Morgansgirl52 · 04/07/2024 21:43

You seem very comfortable with what you’re wanting out of the dating scene, which is great. Maybe treat it as going out with a friend (in which case, I’d automatically pay for my own ticket).
You obviously enjoy his company, so go, enjoy and carrying on living your life how you want to 😊

MystyLuna · 04/07/2024 21:54

I think you are over thinking it. Ask him if he wants any money for the ticket, if so pay him at the time rather than in advance. They just go to the concert and see what happens.
I once went on a date with someone I met online, we both had other dates lined up that week.
We saw each other a few times and then it kinda fizzled out. Over the next month or so we each saw other people and didn't speak to each other.
After about 6 weeks of no contact he text me out of the blue and we went on a date again, over the next few months we started seeing more and more of each other and eventually stopped dating other people.
We are now married and have a 12 year old son and are very happy.
Monday is the 14th anniversary of our very first date.