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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Puffy eyes

12 replies

Catchingrainbows · 30/06/2024 08:18

I name this puffy eyes as I’m typing this away with the most puffy eyes from crying early hours this morning.

My husband picked me up from our town as I met a friend and was over the limit to drive home. I wasn’t drunk.

He seemed fine picking me up, we got home chatted. But he became annoyed when I started to doze off as he felt he had a wasted evening with me.
He then mentioned that I was taking the p* that I asked him to pick me up last night as he had drove a lot today up the country and back for a day out that was planned.

He went in the other room. He just kept ignoring me. I was kneeling on the bed over him and I was crying, saying Im sorry, I don’t understand, you shouldn’t have picked me up. Etc

He kept saying stop spitting at me, I wasn’t spitting but talking above him and sorry disgusting as it sounds I must have been spraying as I was frantically / begging him what it felt like.

He pushed me off the bed I fell on my back, there was washing, washing basket , suitcase on the floor which I fell on. My arm is now bruised.

When I fell I cried and said my arm, he said oh come on. Then said if you had tidied it up in here …. Can’t remember the rest

i said he shouldn’t have pushed me and he replied you was coming at me , in my face, you wouldn’t leave me alone

is that justifiable.

we have not been getting along lately but thought we sorted things out, we just had a lovely holiday last week.he said to me last night it’s over, we’re not working.

I don’t know how to be when he wakes up.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 30/06/2024 10:38

If someone was kneeling over me in bed crying and shouting and covering me with spittle, I'd push them away too.

BagFullOfNoodles · 30/06/2024 10:42

So he was annoyed at you and removed himself from the situation, you responded by following him, kneeling over him crying and spitting, he's not right to push you but in his mind he'd gone out of his way to collect you when he'd already done a lot of driving that day and then you fell asleep while he was talking to you. He was right to remove himself. I'd just want you away from me

Olika · 30/06/2024 10:46

To be honest I think it's better you two go your own ways. Sounds toxic and unhealthy on both sides.

OrlandointheWilderness · 30/06/2024 10:50

Was it intended that your evening would result in you being over the limit etc and planned he would pick you up, or was it a spur of the moment thing?
Tbh it doesn't sound great, I think you escalated that when you didn't need to.

Catchingrainbows · 30/06/2024 10:51

Thanks all

OP posts:
yellowsmileyface · 30/06/2024 10:51

It seems like a disproportionately big response to be frantically crying and begging over him being annoyed. Can you pinpoint what caused that reaction in you? Was it just the alcohol leading to heightened emotions, or does this typically happen when you argue / he's annoyed about something?

BMW6 · 30/06/2024 12:37

I think you were more inebriated than you think. You have over reacted because you were drunk.

PP was right - he removed himself from the situation and you wouldn't leave it alone, so I think you escalated it.

He's got a lot of driving to do today so let him alone. Wash your face and go for a walk to clear your head. DONT CRY IN FRONT OF HIM.

Let it all cool down for a few days, then apologise.

SamW98 · 30/06/2024 12:55

BMW6 · 30/06/2024 12:37

I think you were more inebriated than you think. You have over reacted because you were drunk.

PP was right - he removed himself from the situation and you wouldn't leave it alone, so I think you escalated it.

He's got a lot of driving to do today so let him alone. Wash your face and go for a walk to clear your head. DONT CRY IN FRONT OF HIM.

Let it all cool down for a few days, then apologise.

Totally agree with this. He shouldn’t have pushed you but you instigated, provoked and wouldn’t leave it.

Let the dust settle for a few days then have a calm sober conversation.

Catchingrainbows · 30/06/2024 22:17

thank you all

OP posts:
Frazzledmummy123 · 30/06/2024 22:40

He shouldn't have pushed you, or he should at least have apologised that he caused you hurt yourself. However, I am inclined to think perhaps whilst you weren't rolling about drunk, you had more of a drink on you than you think.

It sounds like you reacted quite extreme to his annoyance, I am going to assume this was either due to the drink, or/and there is a backstory there (not necessarily concerning your dp) why him being annoyed at you caused such a terror in you?

Both of you were wrong, but if this isn't a regular occurence and him pushing you was only because he misunderstood the situation and thought you were going for him, I don't think it's anything a long, honest chat won't fix.

TahTah · 12/08/2024 00:06

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5070099-my-husband-invalidates-me

Old thread I know but this is another thread from OP about hubby and I need to step in and say this sounds like an abusive relationship.
OP please stepaway from Mumsnet and go to Women's Aid as unfortunately not everyone on here can spot emotional abuse. You got some great advice on your previous thread regarding domestic abuse, the posters here don't know the full story of your husband's temper & general behaviour as outlined in previous thread.
Good luck, I hope you get the help you need and get away from him❤️❤️❤️
xxx

My husband invalidates me | Mumsnet

Am I being OTT here but my husband really upsets me when I feel he’s invalidating me. For example; I have struggled with sleeping since having our so...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5070099-my-husband-invalidates-me

PersephonePomegranate23 · 12/08/2024 06:24

Is your drinking a bone of contention between you?

Firstly, you mention not being drunk - why would that be a problem on tbe first place If you were? Secondly, your reaction screams drunk person to me.

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