Retroactive jealousy

[Autumcolors]

Anyone been on the receiving end of retroactive jealousy?
Did your DP/DH get help and things improved?
Its been just over a year. It goes up and down.
At the point I’m just wondering what others have experienced.

Honestly? Dump him.

His fixation is not an excuse to treat you badly. He's projecting his issues on to you and it's emotional abuse.

I've had to learn about OCD as my DD also experiences it. Also in the form of intrusive thoughts and rumination with a side order of contamination OCD thrown in!
It's a sneaky and insidious form of anxiety. Most, indeed all people get intrusive thoughts. But with OCD they take over. The compulsions are very persistent and can take different forms - like hand washing for example. Pure O which is more around thoughts is poorly understood generally. I think with both DH and DD they start off as reasonable thoughts but mushroom. With the person often seeking reassurance about the unlikely scenario they have constructed in their head. Unfortunately reassurance doesn't work, it soothes the itch for a bit but then comes back.
What I have to do is refuse to engage - I will give DD a baseline of a single reassurance or explanation as she's younger but if it continues I will refer her back and say we're not discussing it further. She understands this and knows because it's an intrusive thought not because I am refusing to be kind.
Recognising it's just a thought is very empowering for the sufferer but it does take effort to resist. But the push to do the thing/say the thing does go away. DD says it's very tiring to do this though when it's flaring up.
With DH I didn't actually know this was the best way to respond so it was more luck than judgement. I simply said it was none of his business and the subject was closed. But it did get to the point that I said even trying to bring it up would result in me leaving. He absolutely had to deal with it himself.

@PanicAttax yes he is waiting to have a second blood test for hypothyroidism. He was told he needed a 6 week gap between tests.

Ah, I thought it sounded a bit familiar!
Once he has been on the meds for a few weeks he should calm down. I can't express enough how batshit it made me - completely uncontrollable emotions. They say "emotional instability" and that's about right, so sudden too like a flush goes up and its sudden rage or fear for example. I have hyper so tend to the anxiety but he is probably getting huge washes of being lost and hopeless.

As I said I don't want to excuse his behaviour totally but I really do hope that he will feel more even in a month or two of being medicated. It's helped me tremendously already.

I really really do hope so.

I have the same with my boyfriend. Almost a year together and 9 months of retroactive jealousy. On and off. Sometimes better (I could deal with every other month or so), sometimes worse (every week lately). It’s draining and I don't know what to do with it. He and our relationship are absolutely perfect outside of it. But it makes me feel like he’s unreliable and I'm uncertain about the future.
He also says it’s some kind of OCD. In our case ultimatums don’t work well. I hope he can deal with it and it gets better in the future. If it does’t….

I think you have to mean it when you offer an ultimatum. Even with OCD. I know it's hard - DD also experiences it.
You can also decide it's not how you want to live. However lovely your bf is in other ways.