Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Said he is going to Vegas in the midst of planning a wedding?

42 replies

sarahmarkets33 · 27/06/2024 11:47

Fiance said last night his cousin is 21 in September and they are thinking about doing a 2 day 1 night trip to vegas in September?? We are getting married in May and my fiance has strictly told me 'no more vacations or trips away before the wedding' because he was getting upset feeling like I was more concerned with planning trips than planning our wedding so I stopped and listened. We have A LOT of expense coming up (international travel visiting family/ visiting the wedding venue abroad) which I KNOW he is already very very stressed out over, he also has his own business so time off = no pay. I just don't think this is a smart move whatsoever. He is going with the cousin, and the cousins dad and uncle (in there 50s)

Now he calls me and says this?? And is saying 'how many times do you turn 21' - well how many times do you get married... sigh. I will add the cousins brother sadly passed away 3 months ago so I think now he feels obliged to be his new big brother in a way and some obligation/loyalty to now do everything with him. I understand but I also am about to get married to this man and I do often struggle with feeling like a priority against his huge family who are very important to him. There is already a camping trip in July (just guys), and another trip in November (men and women)

How do I navigate this??

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 27/06/2024 11:51

If the cousin’s brother passed away then I can totally understand why your fiancé feels the need to step up a bit and having a 21st celebration without his brother could feel very bittersweet, so the more support he has the better.

That said, it does represent a change to what had already been agreed. I think you probably need another conversation about the nuts and bolts of what is booked and how much everything is costing in terms of travel before the wedding. Or else are there areas of the wedding where you could make some changes to make it cheaper so that you’re not having to sacrifice at the expense of new travel plans?

The huge family element is another issue entirely and, again, sounds like something you need to do some thinking about as you’re going to be part of this big family before long.

SabbatWheel · 27/06/2024 11:53

If you’ve got the cash, just do it.
Life’s too short.

pikkumyy77 · 27/06/2024 11:55

Given the death if the cousin I think you have to just suck it up. But recognize that this marriage is always going to be crowded with other people and feel financially stressed. Because he is impulsive, and can’t or won’t prioritize your needs iver family wants.

Needmorelego · 27/06/2024 11:58

With the loss of his other cousin maybe his priorities have changed.
You can get married for a couple of 100 quid in a registrar office - and you're just as married as the couple who spends £50 000 on wedding.

Cinai · 27/06/2024 12:02

The argument about planning I don’t get, 2 days away in September would hardly impact the planning of a wedding in May? Finances are another topic of course, if it impacts you or the wedding financially then I can understand your concern.

Greentreesandbushes · 27/06/2024 12:03

Presumably it’s over a weekend? So not work time? I would be fine with it, tbh I would probs suggest that they stay a few days as it’s a long way, not like NYC

QforCucumber · 27/06/2024 12:05

I mean, 1 night in Vegas is a bizarre concept considering it takes 8 hours to actually get there, but I do think YABU - so is he though, he can't start dictating to you about going away of he's allowed to do it.

Pootles34 · 27/06/2024 12:07

I was with you until you said about the death in the family. Absolutely he needs to support his cousin at the moment (and cousins dad as well of course) - this is not the moment to throw your weight around. It's different to other trips away/vacations.

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/06/2024 12:16

Ah I think just support him and let it go. He sounds stressed, it'll probably do him good. I know this is a challenging financial time for you, but to be brutally honest you've chosen to put that pressure on yourselves. Abroad travel is not a necessity, and it sounds like you've chosen to have an expensive destination wedding when you could do a perfectly good one for a few hundred here. Is the big wedding something you both really want and are invested in out of interest?
I'm sorry - I don't mean to criticise your choice of wedding, I just find it difficult to get my head around spending serious money on one day when it could make such a difference to life!

Shittification · 27/06/2024 12:18

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5106453-aibu-fiance-planned-trip-to-vegas-for-cousins-21st-whilst-we-are-saving-for-wedding-house

You have two identical threads running and they are both in "Relationships"

ExpectoPatronums · 27/06/2024 12:19

I was sort of with you because you'd agreed no trips, and then you mentioned the death in the family. He should absolutely go, this is a big milestone that the cousin is going through without his brother. Let your partner support him with your blessing.

Changingplace · 27/06/2024 12:21

Can you afford it? If so then let it go, the only thing I’d question is that’s a ridiculously long journey to spend only one night there, I wouldn’t go all the way to Vegas for such a short time, he’ll virtually spend more time travelling than being there.

Original poster
sarahmarkets33 · 27/06/2024 12:25

Changingplace · 27/06/2024 12:21

Can you afford it? If so then let it go, the only thing I’d question is that’s a ridiculously long journey to spend only one night there, I wouldn’t go all the way to Vegas for such a short time, he’ll virtually spend more time travelling than being there.

@Changingplace thanks, well no this is the thing, he said to stop planning vacations because he can't afford them all, and we need to focus on the wedding. I was going to go away beginning of the year but he said no because of money which I understood, so thats why this has made me kind of angry. I am trying to sympathise and guess that he feels obliged although he hasn't actually communicated this which would probably help.. he is already financially stressed with his business right now, but he says these things to please people then I get the brunt of the stresses at home.. @ExpectoPatronums @OrlandointheWilderness

OP posts:
violetposie · 27/06/2024 12:29

If you're upset at your lack of a trip, why not agree so long as you get a night away somewhere with your friends too?

cheezncrackers · 27/06/2024 12:29

A 2-day 1-night trip to Las Vegas - from the UK??

That would be utterly bonkers! Las Vegas is an 11-hour flight from the UK. Then add in travel to the airport, 2-3 hours at the airport before the flight, another hour the other end for security, travel to the hotel ... They'd spent the entire 2 days travelling and see absolutely nothing of Las Vegas!!

So how do you navigate this? Personally, I'd explain to the moron you're about to marry the idiocy of this plan.

JurassicClark · 27/06/2024 12:29

Two threads on the same topic?

OP, his cousin’s brother just died very young. I can see why your fiancé would want to go all out for the poor lad’s 21st. The father and sons trip sounds a nice idea for them all.

However, what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Book weekends away yourself and have a brilliant time.

skippy67 · 27/06/2024 12:30

Why have you started 2 threads on this?

Original poster
sarahmarkets33 · 27/06/2024 12:30

cheezncrackers · 27/06/2024 12:29

A 2-day 1-night trip to Las Vegas - from the UK??

That would be utterly bonkers! Las Vegas is an 11-hour flight from the UK. Then add in travel to the airport, 2-3 hours at the airport before the flight, another hour the other end for security, travel to the hotel ... They'd spent the entire 2 days travelling and see absolutely nothing of Las Vegas!!

So how do you navigate this? Personally, I'd explain to the moron you're about to marry the idiocy of this plan.

@cheezncrackers we are US based haha :) otherwise i agree even more crazy haha

OP posts:
cheezncrackers · 27/06/2024 12:35

Okay, well in that case @sarahmarkets33 I'd tell him to fuck off with his lecturing me about taking trips before the wedding. He doesn't get to lecture you and then do the same thing. TBH though, I'm not sure you should be getting married. He sounds like a controlling hypocrite and you sound annoyed at the encroachment of his family into your life. Are you sure he's 'the one'?

Original poster
sarahmarkets33 · 27/06/2024 12:36

cheezncrackers · 27/06/2024 12:35

Okay, well in that case @sarahmarkets33 I'd tell him to fuck off with his lecturing me about taking trips before the wedding. He doesn't get to lecture you and then do the same thing. TBH though, I'm not sure you should be getting married. He sounds like a controlling hypocrite and you sound annoyed at the encroachment of his family into your life. Are you sure he's 'the one'?

@cheezncrackers funny because hes said im the controlling one because i dont want him going on this trip... but its ok for him to stop me going places prior to the wedding and i give him the respect he wants. I am trying to think is it just because the cousin has died, and be more understanding.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 27/06/2024 12:38

@sarahmarkets33 if you're US based isn't a "City Hall" ceremony even easier and cheaper than a UK registrar office one ??
(This is based on what I know from American TV/Movies.....so 🤔).

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/06/2024 12:38

we are US based haha :) otherwise i agree even more crazy haha“

In which case, an internal flight?

Don’t see the problem, tbh.

InWalksBarberalla · 27/06/2024 12:38

It's much easier to break up with him now than after the wedding so I'd really think hard about his priorities, communication, family etc.

Original poster
sarahmarkets33 · 27/06/2024 12:39

InWalksBarberalla · 27/06/2024 12:38

It's much easier to break up with him now than after the wedding so I'd really think hard about his priorities, communication, family etc.

@InWalksBarberalla I know - but I am thinking whether this is a priority just because the cousin has died. But this is me guessing, he hasn't said thats why he feels obliged to go. Its really mix some people saying they wouldn't mind and others disagreeing. He keeps saying about the duration of the trip is just 1 night and apparently thats why its ok, but for me its the principle that he stopped me, and the cost.

OP posts:
TinyTigress · 27/06/2024 12:42

Do you not have your own finances? It sounds like he's saying you can't go away because he can't afford it, but do you not have your own money?