Am I misinterpreting texts from my coworker?

[DearSwan]

this isn’t about a romantic relationship I just didn’t know what topic to put it under!

so my coworker who is older than me and married with kids, has recently started adding kisses and 🥰 emojis in our WhatsApp messages (for reference we whatsapp only about work projects as we’re in different departments and he doesn’t use email, we don’t WhatsApp about our personal lives etc).

I’ve worked with him for 3 years but only in the last couple of weeks he’s started doing this. In person he acts totally normal, no different to how he was before, he’s a really nice guy, never made any inappropriate comments etc. At first I wondered if these additions to his messages were some sort of attempt at being flirty? But then I was in his office the other day and he mentioned his wife which to me is a very “I’m taken and I’m making you aware of that” thing, like if he was trying to flirt with me on text wouldn’t your wife be the last thing you’d bring up in any convo?

im just a bit confused as to where this new WhatsApp vibe has come from and I can’t tell if he’s just being overly friendly or if he’s trying to be flirtatious and it’s too awkward to ask him obviously. I know I definitely don’t send my coworkers 🥰 emojis and kisses. Am I overthinking this?

This happened to me once when I put lol at the end of a text to my 10 years older than me female friend (back in the days before smartphones and emojis). She went really strange on me. Turns out it was because she thought I was signing off with lots of love

I have colleagues who seem to have a similar system. I was slightly perturbed the first time I received a love heart reaction on Teams but they do it in group chats too, so I'm pretty sure they're not grooming anyone...

Why would you not just say 'How come you've changed your way of texting, Jeremy? You're all love hearts and kisses now, what's with that?' Let him explain himself 🤷‍♀️

Could his phone be suggesting them and he just blindly clicks?

If I type “Sure no problem” my phone suggests 😉 which is flirty to me! Not the heart face but maybe different phones suggest diff ones.

I’d text back something like

So glad getting the files was helpful. Have you just been texting your wife by any chance? You’ve just sent me a love heart by accident 😂!

Friendly but clear that you’re not expecting it to be for you. Do it quickly before love hearts becomes your way of communicating!

I'd just text back "what's with the kissy kissy emoji Fred?"

Tell him to stop using WhatsApp for work and to stop using kisses and emojis

What do you mean he doesn’t use email? I’ve just checked, it’s 2024 not 1984. I call bs on this chancer, he obliviously thinks he’s being clever by not using email. I would stop communicating with him by WhatsApp, Urgh, this creep gives me the ick.

People can get emojis so wrong, it is never a good idea to use them in a work context. A very lovely but longsighted friend of mine responded with 😂 to news of a colleague’s suicide attempt. (She thought it was a crying emoji).

But I think this guy sounds potentially unstable. I’ve known several men who start doing this sort of thing out of the blue, after a previously totally normal working relationship, when they’re relapsiing into addiction or having a hypomanic episode.

Either ignore it, or ask him to stop. Don’t engage. Din’t feel responsible. Don’t feel sorry for him or feel tempted to rescue, etc. it’s not about you, it’s about him looking for excitement / stimulation / escape / danger / some spectacular way to blow up his marriage or career.

I would reply next time with words to that effect.

I think some of us old fogies just don't understand the interpretation that the younger generation see in an emoji. It's not our language,

Reminds me of that classic Grandma who sent the entire family ‘Uncle Geoff is dead LOL’

Maybe he’s crap with emojis - I use them wrongly too esp. the drooling face, I don’t get it and always use it to mean ill.
ANYWAY I like the idea above of ‘were you just texting your wife/family? You’ve added a heart emoji on autopilot 😄’ ends it kindly.

To me the face with the heart isn't flirty at all but kind of awwww or v content and happy face. I rsvp'd to a colleague's wedding invite yesterday and he gave it a heart emoji. No flirting, just enthusiastically saying thanks. You might be reading into it but we can't know. The biggest thing is probably that it's a change.

If it's me if they wanted to flirt then I'd let them put the relevant emoji first then I'd consider weather to copy it.

In my workplace, hearts aplenty all over Teams chats!! Took a while to get used to for an old fogey like me, most of the staff are much younger. No idea in your workplace but in mine wouldn't bat an eyelid now!

"Don't send me emojis."
If they wish to ask why then tell them.

Oh god I use that emoji all the time just to say thanks etc. I never would mean it in a flirty way! Note to self, never to use it again! Loads of people must think I'm trying it on with them! 😂

Maybe his kid have made fun of the way he txts like and old man or something so he’s started using emojis and got carried away! Especially if it’s just the same few. He’s using. My dad just leaned about meme’s and honestly he now replies to everything with them

Yeah that would be my reaction.

I find it odd that you both work in an office environment and he doesn’t use email with you. How does he communicate with other staff? Does your work use what’s app as a means of communicating with customers? Just odd.

I would try to shift messaging to Teams or Email for all colleagues TBH. More professional and you have a record on work accounts.
I would never reciprocate with any similar emojis.
I would grey rock about anything that wasn’t work related when face to face and ignore on WhatsApp if he starts non work chats there.

He is looking for you to send them back. He thinks it will start some flirtation. He is maybe after a fling. I don’t believe he is accidentally or naively sending these as some PP have said.

I find men are so confident that we feel the same way about them that he might think you haven’t realised what his emojis mean and he might try a face to face flirt thinking you will welcome it. Cut it dead. Grey rock. Saying something like ‘Ok. I’d prefer it if we stuck to talking about work thanks’ and ‘I’m not comfortable with this kind of chat. Bringing it back to the x project, how far away is y’.

Trying to be kind or navigate round men flirting at work rarely works. They escalate until you have to be very clear. So being clear before he hasn’t said or done too much will save you hassle in the long run. Even if he’s off with you for a while.

Sigh. Good luck with him.

If he was saying unusual things ("can we chat about project X over a drink Saturday night?"), I would be more suspicious. If it's just the emojis, then I wonder if his teenage family member has encouraged him to use them (...we all do, try them out, hearts are positive ones).

He is testing the waters, probably got a crush.

Ignore and he will get over it.

Oh I see this a lot of work and I hate it. I can't complain because I'm older and hatred of emojis in the workplace is an old person thing apparently.

I got one woman who is always sending me the kissy emoji or the one with the hearts going around the head. WTF is that? Just tell me what you meant Row 7, Col. J and I'm good. Don't need the hearts and kisses.

His grandkids have shown him emojis and told him they are cool. He doesn't know where and how to use them?
Maybe needs them explained in what they mean?.…preferably before he sends an aubergine emoji to someone important!