Has anyone recovered from having no conversation topics?

[Toffifee1]

DH and i have had a conversation yesterday and we both find it difficult to talk to each other.
It started because i was angry at him for (once again) using technological terms that i won‘t understand and trying to lecture me after i asked him to „just talk to me about anything“.

I have in the past told him to stop talking to me (in great detail) about his work projects. He‘s a research engineer, he LOVES his job and does not understand that i do not want to learn about engineering. I‘m not one of his students, i have my own career but have been at home with the kids since 2020 with only 3 month back at work in 2022 before the birth of our youngest. I‘ll be back at work in august but being at home with toddlers is boring and even though i try to meet friends or other moms during the day i long for adult conversations in the evening. I do not however desire to become an engineering student.

When i told him about things that worry me about my new job he told me to take a breath because i was talking to fast and repeatedly told me that he doesn’t think my career ideas are wise because i tell him about the worries instead of the positives(i’ve told him all the positives more than once but they do not change!).

He doesn’t watch the news. He doesn’t like talking about politics because it saddens him. If i try to dream up things for the future like travel ideas he‘s „realistic“ and tells me that my ideas are impossible with the kids, cats and reminds me that i also want a dog at some point. He doesn’t like tv. Neither of us follows sport. All he does is work and house renovations - which he doesn’t want to talk about because any ideas i might have stress him. I don’t have time for hobbies with the kids being so young.

Any advise?

I‘m not willing to give up on him/us just yet.. i hope he‘ll change when the kids are older..

That was my experience. If I’d posted on here I’m sure I’d have been told to end the marriage, but we got through the strains of the early years and now it’s great and he’s an amazing dad. It sounds like your DH works really hard at work (and research can feel like a calling and a quest so IME (former academic) nearly everyone works way way over their hours). Also with the renovation I imagine he feels he’s working hard for the family’s future, and maybe if he’s not that well paid for the hours he does maybe he feels this is a way he can make another kind of contribution that should pay off financially. But yes, it’s sad if he’s missing out on the good moments of them being little. I hope you work out ways of being that are supportive for all of you.

Thank you for your input. It puts all of it into a different perspective. DH used to be a lovely person and we used to be able to talk about everything. I think stress and possibly a close to burnout level of it can turn anyone into an inconsiderate and hard to talk to, selfish prick.

He sounds like my husband - he's autistic. It's lonely.

You say in one of your early posts about having no conversation and maybe that's normal. It definitely is not.

Me and DH have been married 44 years and still have plenty to talk about. We talk about his work (I am retired), our dogs, plans for days out, plans for holiday, tv programmes, books we have read, newpaper articles, plans for our house, plans for the garden.

We are best friends as well as husband and wife. We have always chatted loads. We don't have children though so never had that big change and stress in our relationship