Father on birth certificate

[TidySwan]

I gave birth to my baby just over a month ago. I am a young mom (19) and the baby's father is also the same age. I registered my baby as quick as I could but the father wasn't present meaning that he is not on the birth certificate. I am still with her father but don't know how to tell him that he's not on there. My reasoning for him not being on there is that we are a young couple and if I'm being realistic there's a chance that we won't stay together. He is also highly immature and I don't trust him to make decisions on her behalf. We also broke up late last year (we got back together sometime this year) and he reacted very petty. I'm worried that if we break up again he will do the same thing, only this time use my baby against me. I need advice on how to tell him or if I should add him onto the certificate (I have a form which would enable me to do so). I just want what's right for my baby.

Quite sure if you aren't married be has to be present to be on the certificate, so that's on him

The Dad was saying he didnt put the mums’ name on the birth certificate

C’est n’est pas possible. Can you guess why?

Assuming you’re in England or somewhere with similar rules, you can’t choose whether or not to put him on, he has to turn up to the appointment.

If he cared about this, he would know about it.

I wouldn’t make any changes.

Also agree but on mumsnet it’s positively encouraged to use being on the birth certificate as a method to try and control behaviour/call the shots, often under the guise of “protecting” the child.

Don't add him. If he was that bothered, he'd have looked it up and wanted to turn up - my ex managed it 32 years ago because he wanted to be on it (it didn't even confer JPR at that time).

I've been a single mum for 14 years. Ds' dad started with the bullying and control as soon as DS was born. I stuck it out for 2 years then we left.

I would love for ex not to be on DS' birth certificate. However, DS has benefitted from having ex in his life (even if he proved to be a controlling and abusive creep). Ex sees ds at my house for 6 hours a week, more (failed) attempts at control but at least I see how he treats ds and am there to intervene if necessary. Ex has behaved as the ultimate Disney dad, so DS is only now, as a 16yo, realising what his df is really like.

The intervening years have provided ds with a feeling of consistency and security, even if it was just for show.

On balance, and with the end in sight, I would probably take the same approach.

She has no right to deny the father this right. It is not her decision to make. It is up to him if he wants to be on the birth certificate or not

@TheTartfulLodger

Parents don’t have rights they have responsibilities. One responsibility is to legally register their child’s birth. OP has met that responsibility. Doesn’t sound like the father gave any thought to his responsibilities. When he does, he can go on the birth certificate.

A birth certificate is a statement of fact, not a political or emotional tool.

Just tell him you’ve registered the birth but he has to fill out forms to be on the register as the father has to do that himself. He’ll either get off his arse and do it or not.

Don’t tell him. Down the line you can mention it if in 5 years you’re still together and he’s a great dad. If it was that big a deal to him he’d have been there or done the research to know! Trust me I recently split with my ex and didn’t put him on and thank god I didn’t!!!
He can apply any time to go on but for now it gives you all rights and protects you and child incase he does end up not being a decent father. Mine now doesn’t even see our child so I’m so relieved I didn’t put him on. Plus as I was the only one named on the BC I was able to change my child’s surname to just mine without needing his approval!!

Don't feel bad about it, I know some will be against it but as I said already if he cared that much he’d have showed up to get the certificate in the first place - it’s not your responsibility to do that for him!!!

Just make sure you sort a will and put people down as legal guardians as you will want your child protected if anything happens to you as currently you’re the only registered parent.

Good for you OP 👏👏👏
Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby 😊

No she won't

Tell that to the millions of people who dont know who their father is because his name isnt on the BC. Knowing our ancestry is important to most people.

LOUDLY for those at the back - in the UK if you are not married a woman can't PUT a father on a birth certificate even if she wanted to - he has to do it himself.

If a man can't be together & interested enough to google the basics around registering a childs birth, well that is 100% on him.

^ Exactly!!!!

Also you can still get child maintenance whether he’s on the form or not xxx

You’re being deliberately obtuse. Of course an unmarried woman can’t just put a man on the birth certificate without his consent/him being present, but she absolutely can let him know when the birth is being registered and give him the option to attend and sign OR give him a form to sign beforehand.

Barring abuse or serious safety concerns it’s really sneaky to just go and register the birth without telling the father.

Thank you - dd's dad did this. Then took us to court to try to not pay maintenance and is now trying to get full custody of her over 10 years later because he wants me to pay him maintenance, despite never paying any himself and meeting her 5 times. She is terrified and he doesn't give two shits.

If they CBA to come to sign their own kid's BC it is on them, not the mother or anyone else. It usually shows very clearly what they think about the child so pay attention.

Unless he's a danger to the child, or he doesn't bother with the child, I think you've been extremely cruel.

My DH knew nothing about registering the child unless we had a baby. If he was that bad, why did OP have a baby with him? Why is OP still with him?

The birth certificate is not there to facilitate the future or lack of, of yours and your boyfriend's relationship.

Christ, I know it's not possible for mums not to be out on the BC but imagine the uproar if this did happen.

Doesn't he know he isn't on the bc?

I think OP is in US, so different laws.
Their fathers are held to account for maintenance, for example.

Where are you getting that from?

She says 'mom' but they use that in the UK

She thinks she can add him herself which you can't do here and has a mysterious form.

The way the OP is written it suggests she registered the birth without telling him, so he had no opportunity to be there at the time and have his name put on the certificate. And now she's asking for advice on how to tell him, if he wasn't interested or is ignorant of registering the birth then she wouldn't bother telling him anything.

My guess is that the 6 weeks is nearly up and he's aware of that and thinks it's still something they need to get done. Otherwise op wouldn't be worried about telling him. I can't see their relationship lasting either - dishonesty tends to be a relationship killer.

Wow I think this is disgraceful OP and feel sorry for your partner that you would have a child with him - and be in a relationship with him. - but don't trust him enough to be on the birth certificate

Yet the anti-abortionist movement is alive and kicking. Odd huh?