Giving up on conspiracy theorist friend

[Mamananas]

I don't really have anyone to discuss this with so I'm putting it here. I am quite isolated as I'm single and the carer for a grown up disabled child and I'm finding the whole situation very stressful.

My friend has been through a lot in the past couple of years and it's really affected her mental health. On top of this she has started to get into conspiracy theories which are making her MH even worse.

At first I thought that if I listened to her, was understanding about her reasons and reassured her that she would come out the other side. I was SO wrong!

She has become obsessed and it's exhausting. Any time I tell her disagree with her she becomes angry, accusatory and abusive. When I try to reassure her about her anxieties she always seems to take it the wrong way and she becomes quite nasty. A couple of weeks ago she took what I said in a text exchange the wrong way. I wanted to explain to her that I was not trying to upset her but I can't bring myself to send the message I wrote as I'm really fucking angry! How could she could take what I said that way after all the time I've spent listening to her rants and reading the shit she sends me!

Being alone is better than this, right? I'm starting to have problems sleeping due to anxiety. I've tried to be understanding but I'm really fucking done!

What are the conspiracy theories she’s advocating for?

MMR and autism. Covid vaccine is the cause of all the excess deaths since Covid and for Long Covid. Muslims are invading the country with fighting age men to start a war AND to replace the indigenous population AND enact Sharia law. Climate change is a myth.

There may be more.

How are they conspiracy theories? There’s plenty of people who share similar views. If you disagree with her, just don’t engage.

My mom was like this for a while.. still is really. We now agree to disagree eg I change the subject. I personally don't drop friends due to differences in opinion even if heated arguments arise. But you might want to meet up less often /give each other more space for a while.

What do you mean by abusive? Does she actually hit you?

no there isn't, there is a tiny very very vocal minority, mostly with mental health issues

She sounds nuts, ditch her.

I had a 'friend' who was latching on way too much, constant, constant messages none of them making sense. Turned out she was an alcoholic, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help her more.

You need to cut her from your life, or you will not have a life. Sounds harsh written down but best thing I did for me and my family

She sounds exhausting for you. Life is too short.
If you can’t face the fallout of breaking the friendship, just start to withdraw slowly. Become less available. Don’t rise to what she says. If she goes on about one of her conspiracies just murmur something.

You couldn’t be more wrong.

No, she becomes verbally abusive.

We have tried to agree to disagree but she continues to bring these things up and get augmentative. If I stop her in person she just sends me links via whatsapp instead.

I am not wrong. There are a tiny tiny number of highly deluded individuals sprouting anti-science, anti-rational-thought anti-logic, but even amongst themselves there is no cohesion or consensus. So the number that believe any individual conspiracy theory is miniscule. And conspiracy theories often contradict each other. There is a certain type of person who falls for this type of rubbish, and they often have serious issues, such as narc traits, and so on

My dad has gone down a similar internet rabbit warren. I just change the subject or say something like “er, okay” with a disbelieving face. I won’t hide my thoughts/argue. He now doesn’t mention it. He’s never rude to me though. That’s not a friendship. Do you get anything positive from her?

It is starting to become a daily occurrence. We had a lovely outing together a couple of weeks ago and I thought she was finally accepting that I didn't want to talk about these things but then she bombarded me with stuff later on.

My dearest, oldest friend went down this path during Covid and I thought our friendship wouldn’t survive but we are absolutely fine now. She still thinks all of the same things but it doesn’t consume her anymore and we just don’t discuss it. Not engaging at the time didn’t work as she honestly thought/thinks she was saving my life, but like with most things we all calmed down in the end. I honestly thought 30 years of friendship was over as we were just upsetting each so much, so I hope that everything works out for you and your friend.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 normal people don’t believe this shite.

I do but the positives are being severely outweighed by the negatives at the moment!

Wrong.

Yes, she is very upset that she's revealing all this to me and I don't see how she's saving me. For now I am just taking a step back and waiting until I stop being angry and seeing if we can move forward.

I would distance but still keep an eye out, just in case it could be the start of psychosis? Are there any other changes in her behaviour?

You know that abuse doesn't have to be physical, surely?

Her mental health has plummeted recently which is why I entertained so much of this, I thought she was just anxious and would come out the other side with reassurance. But it's becoming all encompassing and it's starting to affect my mental health too so I just can't do it anymore.

To expand on my previous comment. For a while she was convinced that she had brought all the bad luck and poor health on herself and me reassuring her that was not the case seemed to help, but she does just seem to have now found another thing to blame it on rather than just 'shit happens'.

It's really sad. I want to help her through this but I am not going to allow someone to upset me all the time.

Honestly, find new friends. I know it’s not easy but she sounds like a drain. You don’t need that.

This is obviously written by a certain type of person too