Giving up on conspiracy theorist friend

[Mamananas]

I don't really have anyone to discuss this with so I'm putting it here. I am quite isolated as I'm single and the carer for a grown up disabled child and I'm finding the whole situation very stressful.

My friend has been through a lot in the past couple of years and it's really affected her mental health. On top of this she has started to get into conspiracy theories which are making her MH even worse.

At first I thought that if I listened to her, was understanding about her reasons and reassured her that she would come out the other side. I was SO wrong!

She has become obsessed and it's exhausting. Any time I tell her disagree with her she becomes angry, accusatory and abusive. When I try to reassure her about her anxieties she always seems to take it the wrong way and she becomes quite nasty. A couple of weeks ago she took what I said in a text exchange the wrong way. I wanted to explain to her that I was not trying to upset her but I can't bring myself to send the message I wrote as I'm really fucking angry! How could she could take what I said that way after all the time I've spent listening to her rants and reading the shit she sends me!

Being alone is better than this, right? I'm starting to have problems sleeping due to anxiety. I've tried to be understanding but I'm really fucking done!

Someone rational?

Yeah I would bin them op. I recently met a guy who spends his evenings watching nonsense conspiracy theorist videos on YouTube, he has mental health problems, takes valium and drinks. He kept going on about the covid vaccine and said i wont tell you what I've heard, it will scare you. He smokes like a chimney and drinks every night, neat whisky, also he speeds and drink drives when hes only had a driving licence 2 months. I think covid vaccines are the least of his problems. He ghosted me after I wouldn't lend him money. Did me a favor the weirdo. Sadly my mum is pretty much the same. Can't have a normal conversation with her anymore but we only talk once a week. They're exhausting and will only drag you down.

I had a similar issue with a close friend. I asked her so many times if we could agree to disagree and not discuss the subject anymore, but she couldn’t help but weave her beliefs into almost every conversation. It suddenly dawned on me that every interaction I had with her made me feel like shit. I don’t have many local friends so the decision to cut her off wasn’t easy, but I do feel a lot better for it. I know it was the right decision because months later I’m still annoyed when I think about it.

This is difficult as I don't believe that's is easy to just label it as conspiracy theories. Some people will question things they see on tv/media and will feel strongly about that through their own personal experiences. We have no right to deny their feelings or think they should accept everything that we believe. I think it's more of a difference of opinions and values on subjects. However, if it is tiring you out and you don't feel you can have a friendship with someone who has such opposing views as you then maybe have a chat and explain or just drift away if you can.

Oh and forgot to say, the verbal abuse is not acceptable! In this basis you have every right to close down the friendship

Oh god OP just walk away. My cousin is like this and it's pretty much every conspiracy theory you can think of. Chem trails, stuff about COVID vaccines, apparently the Ukraine war is all fake actors. His profile pic is him with David Icke and he genuinely believes the royal famil are lizards 😅. The reason he's now blocked is him asserting that cancer is fake (my dad has had a lung removed from cancer and nearly died)

Part of me feels sorry for him as he's really not the brightest. But nah. Can't engage with that bullshit!

Well, I wouldn’t be friends with someone who is a racist and a bigot, so I would step away from this person.

She isin’t your problem to fix, whether she has mental health issues or she’s just a hatefull person.

Oh I forgot this one - apparently Birmingham is entirely governed by Sharia law and they chop people's hands off 😬

Real friends, whilst they might occasionally disagree with you, have general things in common in my experience, and do not bombard you with their views and beliefs when you are a) not interested or b) disagree. I think there is a fundamental lack of respect and disdain in doing so.

Has she always had this “tendency”?

The abuse is even more unacceptable.

It’s always a bit sad to lose a friendship.

But just cut the cord.

Perhaps because they are all totally unreasonable and without one degree of serious evidence to back them up?

This sounds really difficult. The only way to remain friends would be if she didn't bring up any of these controversial subjects with you, but I feel that's not going to be possible.
She certainly shouldn't be abusive but it probably is a lot to do with her MH at the moment.
I'd just not send the message, leave her to it. You don't need to block her, but keep your distance and be busy if she asks to meet.

I agree with you, but you only have to look at threads on here about climate change to see how many people think human-made climate change is a hoax.

Wrong, only on mumsnet! For the record, I don't believe for one minute MMR is caused by the vaccine, that is utter nonsense. As for covid vaccine, Well well, only on mumsnet is that a conspiracy, it's disgusting. And has never had any long term data, and has affected many. And to be honest I wonder if that manipulative, abusive gaslighting, lying, coercive control freak Matt Hancock often comes on these threads, with his classic 'conspiracy theorist, if you dare question the pig. He even called a well known, excellent in his field of medicine, and brilliant cardiologist a conspiracy theorist. The doctor put that piece of shit in his place! It was great!

lol. Climate change, yes let's discuss geo engineering in depth as well. Fighting age Muslim men? I haven't heard that one. They aren't conspiracies, they are different view points shared by many in the real world, and even in my home country, which isn't the UK.

Unfortunately, legal actions against AstraZeneca add 'weight' to CT as they are able to say, well I was right about this, I'm right about xyz and I will be proved right. < sigh>
Cloud seeding does happen, that is accepted, but CT say it's routine, chemtrails.etc..
grains of truth extrapolated.
I get to listen to this stuff daily at work. aren't I lucky

They become conspiracies when it is seen as a plan that a group of shadowy people are conspiring to enact/cover up.

I can tell you’re beginning to dread the interactions with your friend, and the conspiracy conversations. For your own sake, start withdrawing your contact.

The problem is conspiracy theorists don’t ever tell you the nonsense they spout is opinion, they believe what they tell you is factual but then can’t usually provide actual facts (as opposed to factoids) to back them up.

The issue here isn't really that she has views that you don't agree with. The issue is that she becomes abusive to you and this is making you feel bad and miserable and anxious and having to post on here about the friend. Even if every single thing she believes is 100% true it's still is not right for her to be abusive. I agree with others, you are far better of without her there is an enormous online community here on Mum's net, Facebook, Twitter, and lots of other forums where you can make lots of friends full stop there is an app called next door which is local to everybody so there's a possibility there that you could meet a friend that you could actually meet up with in real life. I really do suggest you do this you need a new friend even if it's just one.

She sounds like another thick racist. And nasty to you as well.

Fighting age Muslims? You wouldn't be able to tear them away from the Euros at the moment!

I had an ex like this. It was exhausting. I really couldn't take the constant negativity - like, if you really really believe in these things then why not take some sort of action instead of constantly complaining as if that's going to change anything. Although I suppose there's not much that can be done if they think lizard people are in charge.

MMR and autism. Covid vaccine is the cause of all the excess deaths since Covid and for Long Covid. Muslims are invading the country with fighting age men to start a war AND to replace the indigenous population AND enact Sharia law. Climate change is a myth.

So she watching GB news then?

I had to ask a friend to stop watching it for the same reason or I would have fallen out with him permanently

@NotAllowed

I love your insightful, well reasoned arguments...

We’ve had the royal family are lizard people who keep children imprisoned under Buck Palace, abuse them and sacrifice them by a river… as well as those your friend spouts.

Also chem trails; 5G causing Covid (so no need for masks)…

I feel your pain, OP- I have had to block this person on all channels, and now only see them at family gatherings, where we are perfectly friendly because she’s not browbeating me.

I'd be interested in just how many people believe all these 'opinions'. It's a frequent subject on here, and I come across it in RL and social media a lot. I do find it all fascinating that some get really sucked into this whole alternative narrative.