Changing DC surname after separation?

[janiejonstone]

Wondered whether anyone had changed their DC's surname after separation/divorce? DH and I are in the process of separating. It's not my decision and the whole thing has been awful, including that he's left it to me to organise all of it and I've got a first meeting with a solicitor next week. My DD (age 6) has her dad's surname (I didn't change my name when we got married). Her first and middle names have links to my side of the family, so it's always felt like a good balance. But now I'm facing the prospect of being a single parent I've had a sudden urge to add in my surname, I guess so that she and I feel more like a stable unit together. It also occurred to me that it might make travelling easier if my surname is on her passport. Has anyone done this? And if so did you hyphenate or just add it in as an additional name?

I haven't done this but I understand why you'd want to. Fwiw I've never had problems travelling with my dc despite the fact we have different surnames, so don't worry about that.

Assuming he has parental rights, then you would need his agreement.

Petty... why didn't you change your name when you married? You had a child knowing it would have dad's surname.. he's still her dad! His family are still her family...

I've travelled plenty with my children, I changed my name after we broke up but the girls kept their dad's surname...

Sorry but this comes across as petty. She's 6, so that's how she's known at school at to her friends.

Pathetic and petty.

She’s 6, you can’t change her name now. I will never understand people who don’t want to give their children both names (mother and father). I wish my parents gave me both names. My mother’s is an amazing name that may die out soon. We gave our child both our names.

I wish women didn’t feel the need to add just the man’s name. I made this mistake with my first child and when we split I regretted it. 10 years later I didn’t with my next and thank god I didn’t as I’m now her only parent.

What I will say is if your ex is on the BC you will need his approval to change the name. If he won’t agree you can take it to court which will cost you but it still can be done.

If he isn’t on the BC you can do as you please. I used the uk deed poll service to do mine was all done online and via post just needed one person to witness you sign it. If your ex also needs to sign you will both need a witness.

I don't think you should try to do this.

Your child knows you are her mother, surname makes no difference to that.

Travel is no problem, either with her dad's or court permission.

I think it's a knee-jerk reaction to a horrible situation and not the best message to your child. What she needs is as much stability as possible.

Just start double barrelling it. You dont need to do it officially to be able to use the name

I actually don't think people are reading this right. The op doesn't want to removed her kids dad's name, she wants to add hers as well.

You'll need his permission.

Let this be a warning.

DCs should always have the mums surname.

It won't make any difference in terms of travel. If he will agree I would do it. If not you can apply to court but it seems a bit adversarial and pointless.

Why is it ‘petty’ for the OP to want to give her Dd an additional surname, her own?

I just don’t understand why a man’s name is the default for the children and their mother.

You and him have separated- she hasn't separated from her dad. You won't be able to change it without his consent- and she's 6- this has always been her name. The passport thing has never been an issue for us, and I suppose if you're that concerned, then you can always change yours by deed poll, or as your still married, change it with that. If you'd stayed together then any issues you're worried about now would have always been a (non) issue when you travel with her.

@BoudiccaOfSuburbia - I guess because it was and is only an issue now- she never felt that the child needed her surname whilst they were together

I wish I had kept my maiden name but I was terrified of exMIL back then. I reverted back on divorce and our kids chose which surname they wanted. You do need consent for under 16s.

Don't know why people are so critical of you OP.

Tradition dictates that babies are given their mothers last name.

Because, traditionally, women changed their base upon marriage, that was also the name of their father.

Some people don't understand this and think it's traditional to give a baby their fathers name.

My daughter had this situation with my grandchild after her divorce, grandchild was 6 or 7 when my daughter decided she wanted to add her maiden name to her child's surname. My daughter had reverted to her maiden name.

Her ex husband had remarried and second wife had taken his name and my daughter didn't want her child to have the same surname as her ex and his second wife.

The child had my daughter's surname added in front of the original name as an extra surname, not double barrelled. Child was completely unfazed by it, in fact was very happy because she now has the surname included of all her mother's side of the family to whom she is very close. She was consulted about whether she wanted the change.

It was done legally by deed poll which was needed to change the passport. The father was at first very reluctant to agree but did eventually back down. It was no problem at school or anywhere else at all.

After years of no contact from DD's other parent, I asked her primary school if they could change her "known as" name to my surname because she wanted that. Went through no problem. Same thing with secondary school. On her 16th birthday I'll have the form ready and waiting to make it legal. She's only been called DD my surname for several years now.

Just add it as the final middle name before her present surname. So DDfirstname DDmiddlename Yoursurname Hersurname. I wouldn’t hyphenate it - she’s dealing with enough as it is without having a new surname in school. Perhaps later when she’s adjusted to the new situation, but maybe I’m overthinking.
Assuming your ex isn’t a complete plonker I can’t see why he’d object - he’ll understand it makes things like travel and medical appointments easier.

Surely tradition is to give the family name?

Really helpful, thank you. Does having two surnames (rather than double barrelled) cause any issues in terms of forms etc?

Thanks everyone. Agree I'm not sure why it would be petty! I don't want to remove her current surname, just add mine in. DH wouldn't object - he was keen on double barreling when we had her. but I wasn't (for a couple of reasons but mostly just because my mum had a complicated double-barrelled name and found it a nightmare). But my decision not to change my name isn't really relevant, my main question was about hyphen or not.

Also regarding travel - the last time we went to France I was told at passport control that I couldn't take her through with me as our names are different (and I would need to have her birth certificate with me). We were travelling as a family but had got into separate queues without thinking. So I am hoping that the name change would make a difference.

Not petty at all. Can’t believe posters are saying that!

Op I’m doing the same for similar reasons. My kids are older so I’ve asked them and talked about with them. They’re quite excited about it.

im going to hyphenate, hasn’t thought of two surnames. Can I ask why you think that would be better than a hyphen?