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Original poster

I had paid deposit to move out of married home. I backed out of lodger agreement, and lost half the deposit. Was this fair?

40 replies

Hecubam · 21/06/2024 23:46

I am wondering if I am being unreasonable here, so would appreciate some other views.

The background is that I got married to my husband a few years ago and he has been controlling in several ways. We don't have kids. I have been putting it off.

I had been thinking about leaving for a while. I live in London and had looked at rooms to lodge in on spare room. I visited a place - a house in south London owned by a married couple who have lodgers. It seemed good and I paid the deposit (£450). They said they'd like me to move in but didn't mind when, because they were flexible.

I was in contact with the wife, who I got on with. I told her I was in a relationship and was moving out. I didn't give too many details and didn't specify I was in fact married.

Anyway, I couldn't move in the end. A mix of fear of losing my husband and fear of being alone. I was scared. So I told her - about 10 days after paying the deposit - that I couldn't move in and said I was really sorry for the inconvenience. I told her it wasn't the right time and it had been difficult.

Anyway, she kept back £200 of the deposit. I know I don't have any claim on it, because I paid it as part of the agreement I'd move in.

But should she have kept this? It feels like a lot of money to lose.

OP posts:
murasaki · 21/06/2024 23:48

She didn't have to give anything back, so I think you got off lightly.

Saying that, I hope you find happiness whichever way it falls for you.

IDontHateRainbows · 21/06/2024 23:50

Well, that's what a deposit is for

Otherwise why bother with them?

withgraceinmyheart · 21/06/2024 23:51

First of all, I’m sorry you’re in this position. Leaving a controlling husband is hard, I’ve been there and I get it. The timing has to be right.

In terms of the deposit…I don’t have knowledge or experience but I would think she’s kept it against the first 2/3 weeks rent? If you were supposed to give a months notice to move out and you’ve only given 10 days (even though you never technically moved in) you do owe her for the rest of the month.

I’m sorry it’s another rubbish in thing in an already rubbish situation.

withgraceinmyheart · 21/06/2024 23:53

Oh sorry I misread it as 10 days before you moved in. Either way, yes I do think her keeping back half the deposit is fair. She may have turned people down and now has to readvertise etc

saraclara · 21/06/2024 23:54

Sorry, but you are very lucky that you got half of it back. As others have said, that's the whole point of a deposit. It's a commitment.

nocoolnamesleft · 21/06/2024 23:55

I am sorry for your situation. But you were pretty lucky to get any of your deposit back.

seethingmess · 21/06/2024 23:56

She was kind to refund any of it.

MissConductUS · 21/06/2024 23:57

She could have been renting the room while you made up your mind. She was more than fair to you.

Aylestone · 21/06/2024 23:58

She was extremely kind to give you anything back at all. I’m not sure you know what a deposit it. You’ve wasted her time and she was nice enough to give you hundreds back.

Watero · 22/06/2024 00:00

what did you think the deposit was for? As others have said she has been kind to return part of it.

Original poster
Hecubam · 22/06/2024 00:01

withgraceinmyheart · 21/06/2024 23:51

First of all, I’m sorry you’re in this position. Leaving a controlling husband is hard, I’ve been there and I get it. The timing has to be right.

In terms of the deposit…I don’t have knowledge or experience but I would think she’s kept it against the first 2/3 weeks rent? If you were supposed to give a months notice to move out and you’ve only given 10 days (even though you never technically moved in) you do owe her for the rest of the month.

I’m sorry it’s another rubbish in thing in an already rubbish situation.

Thanks. Yes, the rent was £800 per month. She kept back a week's rent. (It was 10 days after paying it that I told her I was backing out, but had given her a heads up that I was unsure a week after paying it).

OP posts:
PrimaDoner · 22/06/2024 00:10

Bit weird that there wasn’t a move-in date

Would have said it was fair for them to keep all/some if you had agreed to move in and start paying rent on a certain date / to begin on a certain month, then left them in the lurch for that rental period

But if the start date of the agreement hadn’t even been set, then it doesn’t sound like they were bothered about filling the room with any urgency anyway. Although they will still have turned away other people who may have been interested and will need to start again now looking and vetting people.

As others have mentioned, it was decent of her to give you some of it back.

NewName24 · 22/06/2024 00:42

Same as everyone else.
Whereas I am sorry for your situation, you were actually very fortunate that she gave you any of the deposit back.
I mean, that is the point of a deposit - it is a bond to say you will stick to what is agreed. As you changed your mind, you weren't entitled to any of it back.
They were generous.

pandasorous · 22/06/2024 00:52

@Hecubam the deposit is the least of your issues

if you have a controlling partner, you need to leave before children become part of the equation.

it won't be easy because he has killed your confidence. look up the freedom programme and contact women's aid.

if it helps, talk to us about it. you can do. being alone is much much better than being in an abusive marriage. it will only get worse.

HeddaGarbled · 22/06/2024 00:56

You need to think this through. What do you think a deposit is for? It’s to stop people being financially impacted by people changing their mind about purchasing a product or service. You changed your mind. They were impacted financially (they could have a lodger in and paying by now if it weren’t for you havering).

Giving her a heads up you were havering doesn’t help her in any way. It actually makes things more difficult for her, giving her the dilemma of whether to ditch you immediately and re advertise or to sacrifice the income. She gave you the chance and you let her down. It sounds like she’s been pretty decent in giving you any of your deposit back at all.

You’re having a difficult time but that doesn’t mean you can mess other people about.

BabyBobs · 22/06/2024 01:23

Regardless of your personal circumstances you wasted her time and should be grateful she returned half.

Lellochip · 22/06/2024 02:02

I'm not sure everyone else is right, though I'm no expert on tenants' rights and know even less about how lodgers compare legally BUT tenancy deposits are meant to be returned, minus any costs. You've cost them nothing, without an agreed tenancy start date she can't argue you had any rent arrears, and obviously no damages etc to consider.

Landlords can charge a holding deposit while you're in the process of applying etc, but that's meant to be capped at a week's rent - again this might be different for lodgers though.

Could you get any advice from somewhere like CAB or Shelter?

PaminaMozart · 22/06/2024 02:22

@Hecubam - instead of fretting g about the deposit, you should focus your efforts and mental energy on leaving your controlling/abusive husband and addressing your fear of being alone.

Freedom Programme
Women's Aid
WHY DOES HE DO THAT (free pdf online)
THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF ESTEEM
Counselling

DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum · 22/06/2024 03:53

Lellochip · 22/06/2024 02:02

I'm not sure everyone else is right, though I'm no expert on tenants' rights and know even less about how lodgers compare legally BUT tenancy deposits are meant to be returned, minus any costs. You've cost them nothing, without an agreed tenancy start date she can't argue you had any rent arrears, and obviously no damages etc to consider.

Landlords can charge a holding deposit while you're in the process of applying etc, but that's meant to be capped at a week's rent - again this might be different for lodgers though.

Could you get any advice from somewhere like CAB or Shelter?

None of that is relevant to the OP because she wasn't a tenant she was a lodger and you're talking about a different type of deposit.
As you say when renting a flat as a tenant you can be charged a non refundable holding deposit which you lose if you change your mind about renting the place. That's what OP paid. You're talking about a damages deposit which is a different thing.

BananaLambo · 22/06/2024 04:08

I hope you make it out of your controlling marriage soon. As others have said, she was very generous to give you any of the deposit - she didn’t have to do that.

feathermucker · 22/06/2024 04:29

She could have kept it all, so you're lucky you got back some.

Your relationship sounds unhealthy and you need to leave by the sounds of it.

RawBloomers · 22/06/2024 04:34

Despite what people are saying, a deposit is simply funds “deposited”. It is not necessarily a sign of commitment that you lose if you change your mind (and, equally, if you change your mind you may owe more than any deposit you’ve paid). It depends on the contract you had with them. Did you talk about the deposit at all? Did you sign anything? Did they tell you what the deposit was for? Why did you think you were giving them money before you moved in?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable or unfair of them to expect compensation for the time the room was off the market when they were expecting you to move in. They could have been looking for another lodger and filled the room sooner. But they should have been clear that your money was at risk if you changed your mind.

Shoxfordian · 22/06/2024 05:37

That's how deposits work, op, but you know that

Focus on getting the support you need to leave

betterangels · 22/06/2024 05:56

She could have kept it all, so you were lucky.

TooLateForRoses · 22/06/2024 06:17

Your relationship issues are irrelevant to the deposit. She has been fair and someone else may have tried to keep it all. She was even kind enough to give you leeway with when you'd move in. £200 is a lot, it's a lot to her too.

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