First date?

[firstdatenerve]

NC for this. I don't really date because I'm so bloody nervous about it all. Last relationship was a complete train wreck when it turned out he forgot to mention he was engaged

I've met someone online and thinking of going for a date, and wondering where to go/what to do, what do we even talk about honestly I am so clueless

This was his message (changed a couple of bits for anonymity)

Well hey…I’m not going anywhere and not looking to rush into jumping into bed with anyone. I’m happy just to grab a drink somewhere

No pressure, expectations, motives etc and at a place of your choosing where you feel safe. Hell I’d turn up early so you could see me before you met me and if I wasn’t your type then a text message saying that you weren’t feeling it would not upset me.

Well, it doesn't float my boat, but to each his own! 😂
Seriously, OP, does this message appeal to you?

I would go for a drink - maybe coffee, if alcohol is likely to be unhelpful. Somewhere you can get to easily (or get away from easily), with lots of people. I'd aim for no more than an hour on first meeting- a lunchtime date can be good, "got to get back to work!"

Talk about... how lovely it is to have a few days sunshine (very British, talking about the weather.) Almost every first date has asked me how I'm finding the apps, so be prepared for that one. Normal stuff - were do you live (I'm usually vague - they don't need to to know my full address, just the area.) What do you do for work (again, not usually more specific than "IT," and as I'm M3/M4 corridor, it's often the same for them.) You can talk about if you have pets, if you do any sports, what food you like, what music, books, films, what do you do at the weekend...

Even if it's not a great date - they can create great anecdotes to amuse your friends with.

Good luck! Hope it goes well.

That wasn't the only message we've been talking for a while
I think he was just trying to reassure me

I’d just for a drink or a coffee with him and see. The message makes it sound like he’s fairly decent but I guess time will tell

Coffee sounds a good idea, neither of us drink
Wasn't sure whether to suggest a place near me as they do coffee but also have a nice snack/light lunch menu

Sounds fine. You don't have to let him know it's near you.

I think he sounds like a decent guy and that message was clearly meant to reassure you

I've sent a text and suggested the place

To me this sounds like he is trying to reassure you. Enjoy your coffee!

I think his message sounds fine. I actually find the bit about turning up early quite sweet!

Don’t worry too much about the conversation… if it’s right it will flow.

I'd say that this is a message that shows you have been oversharing lots of worries you have about meeting him and he felt he had to say all that in response.
All told, it shows that you are not ready to do OLD yet and your mind is still on past trauma.
I wonder if you'd be the type to still be talking to him about your past experience - if you already have, then it's not a good sign.
I'd say if I was him, I'd be the wary one and probably give you a miss tbh. I think it shows this is too soon for you if you are that anxious about it.

I haven't said anything except mentioned first date nerves and he said yeah, same
There's no past trauma except for family stuff, I just haven't really dated and had long term relationships
Mostly ones I fell into at uni or started as friends etc
If anything he is the over sharer

I have to start OLD - I've been single for the best part of a decade not counting the last not relationship
I'm not getting any younger!

Try not to take it all too seriously- statistically, most people you meet will not get past a first date, sometimes second or third. The point of dating is to see if you click, and often you don't. Or you might get on well enough, but there's no chemistry. The truly awful dates you have to see the humour in. And among all those, there are some lovely men.

Yeah I think once I've done a couple of dates I'll be fine, it's like anything new I guess

Give him a chance!

He's replied "that sounds lovely, we could sit outside if the sun comes out! Let's have a coffee there and we can always get food on the day if you like"

When is the date? Let us know how it goes!

I think he sounds lovely OP and I hope you have a great time.

Next week, just sorting a date as I work shifts and he has 3 DC

He sounds lovely and i think letting you choose the venue shows he wants you to feel comfortable.

As others have said go along with no expectations as if you’re meeting a friend for a coffee and catch up. If it goes well, you can always extend the date or if not one coffee and that’s it.

Ive had first dates ranging from 20 minutes which seemed like days and 5 hours where we both could have stayed all night

Good luck

It sounds like you are making it hard work. I wouldn't jump through hoops for anyone on a first date. If he is jumping through hoops then he's desperate.

I've not made it hard work at all

That text was a response to me saying "yes that sounds good, I'm a little nervous"

He tends to send quite lengthy messages

Maybe I'm just best leaving it

No, go!

For every person who thinks it's jumping through hoops, there will be others who thinks it's good to have the details sorted. He sounds like the latter.

I feel like I must be reading a different thread to you. I don't see any hoops or jumping.

Go for it OP.