Am I being over sensitive or is my husband a knob ?

[alwaysguilty12]

Have a 10 week old son, he’s happy and healthy and as newborns go he’s a dream - honestly feel like I’ve won the baby lottery. My pregnancy was straight forward, we had a lot of house renovations done during and even though it was stressful, I sucked it up and got on with it all whilst WFH full time. Had a planned c section and again just got on with it - we went for afternoon tea 4 days after. I love my husband and we’ve always had a healthy sex life- we may have been a bit over zealous as we’ve had quite a lot of sex post baby. Plan was to go onto the pill once I got my first period which hasn’t yet arrived. We haven’t discussed having more children as such but naively assumed husband wasn’t against it ( I had suggested condoms which he scoffed at ) anyway - last night when discussing my lack of period he said if I was pregnant we’d have to have a very hard conversation as he absolutely couldn’t do this again. I’m furious as honestly feels like he’s had it so easy. I do the bulk of the night feeds even though he’s still off work ( 12 weeks paid leave ) and most days are spent with him watching tv cuddling our son or some sort of lunch out somewhere. We have a cleaner, I do the shopping and 90% of the cooking plus rest of the housey stuff like bed changes, general life admin etc - We have a lovely life with relatively little to worry about. Granted I imagine 2 under 1 would be bloody hard work but Am I being over sensitive about his comments ?

Did you ask what exactly couldn’t he do again? Was he maybe worried about you having surgery?

If he doesn’t want another baby then he needs to abstain or wear a condom. Awful attitude.

Congrats on your new arrival.

I’d be incredulous. ‘Do WHAT again?? Grow a baby- no wait I did that. Most of the cleaning? No I do that. All
those night wakes? No I do those too. What is it you can’t do again ??? You will be doing the second night wake tonight, if this is to be my only baby I need to stop doing everything for us, and make sure I take time to enjoy it like you take hours for tv every single day. Dinner tomorrow is on you as is the vacuuming as well. My eyes are opened.

Yes also you need to state I won’t be having an abortion because you are too lazy to use a condom. The absolute nerve of you thinking you get to dictate what I do with my body.

Wow
he is a knob and that comment was nasty but I'm sorry to say OP you have enabled that behaviour
why is he not doing more around the house? is he ill or disabled?
when you were both working full time it should have been be 50-50, from when you were pregnant, and now had a c section and are up all night with the baby your DH should be doing more!

we often just get on with it and pick up more than fair share of chores for easy life but what's actually then happening we are turning ourselves into slaves, we begin to be more and more resentful. don't let him cross your boundaries, you can see his comment was knobbish as he had it so easy so you already know that's not how things should be.

I'd have been absolutely incredulous. What a joke.

God I don't know how you've been having loads of sex with him, what a useless lump, I think my vagina would have left home if I was expected to do literally everything after major surgery and with a newborn.

With that attitude, no condom, no sex. You are taking a big risk if you've had lots of sex without protection. Perhaps look into having a coil fitted ASAP? Are you breastfeeding?

Tbh, no matter how easy it's been for him, or how little he has had to do compared with you or other men in his position, or how nice you think your life is, your H doesn't want another baby; and I do think he has the right to express that and to indicate he wouldn't welcome doing it again. Because it's not really up to you to decide how great its all been for him.
Where I completely lose any tolerance is with his refusal to wear a condom to prevent the thing he doesn't want happening. If he feels so strongly (as is his right) he needs to take responsibility. In your shoes I'd pay close attention to what he's saying to you. And if you don't want the disappointment and distress of a pregnancy that will be unwanted and unsupported by him, insist he wears a condom.

So you know you need to do a pregnancy test. Sooner rather than later OP.

And sort out contraceptives ASAP too.
and maybe have those conversations. Especially if you’re wanting to add to your family.

This x 10000000000. What use is he? Couldnt imagine being less interested in sex with a man like that. Good luck OP and get a pregnancy test asap.

Was he in with you at the c section? Maybe thats what traumatised him? Or god knows .you should have asked why...

What use is he? Couldnt imagine being less interested in sex with a man like that. Good luck OP and get a pregnancy test asap.

In all honesty, yes he is a bit of a knob. You had a c-section and yet he's the one sat on the sofa all day while you do all the housework? My boyfriend tried the same when he was on paternity leave and I was furious. I understand you're ten weeks into recovering but still! And he's off work! If he doesn't want another baby he's in no position to be scoffing at condoms. I suppose he wants you to put your body through more physical and hormonal changes for contraception then? You need to have a serious talk about the more kids thing as that might be a deal breaker for you. And yes you need to take a pregnancy test, too. I'm sure you know how fertile one is after a baby.

‘Err no, sorry you clearly didn’t get the memo on this one but no, if I’m pregnant again the only hard conversation you’ll be having is with yourself on the fact that there is no ‘we’ conversation to ever be had around termination. And as for not being able to do this again - hmm, if that’s how you feel I think I’ll have to get you to actually do some of the ‘this’ in the first place, just so you don’t sound like such an entitled petulant lazy twat’

Yup!
Just to add, yes he is a knob for saying that!
I had my second baby when baby number one was just a fortnight off his first birthday.I think I coped very well with both babies, DH was supportive but due to his job I did most everything.

Ask him what he meant, don't turn it into something bigger than it necessarily is without understanding that. No one here can know, they can only speculate and rile you up until you think the worst.

He is being a knob. Possibly poor wording on his side if he is OK otherwise.
What he actually did other than get you pregnant?
You have done it all.

He sounds very immature in scoffing at condoms but is absolutely entitled not to want any more children. The ball’s in his court to take the necessary precautions.

Once I was walking down the road with an ex telling him an acquaintance was pregnant. We were 24 and just at the start of our careers, as was she. He asked if she was keeping the baby as the timing wasn't great. I said it wasn't ideal, but she didn't want an abortion. He said " You would have one though. Although it's an annoying thing to have to pay for ".

So he became an ex.

I do the bulk of the night feeds even though he’s still off work ( 12 weeks paid leave ) and most days are spent with him watching tv cuddling our son or some sort of lunch out somewhere. We have a cleaner, I do the shopping and 90% of the cooking plus rest of the housey stuff like bed changes, general life admin etc

Why? Why on earth does he feel entitled to do so little while you do so much, let alone after your body has been under strain for the best part of a year? And why do you believe he is superior to you in the sense you should make his life as easy as possible despite him not doing the same for you?

Do you want your child to learn that it's a woman's job to cook, clean and do the bulk of life admin and childcare, while it's a man's job to do whatever he fancies?

You're worth more than this.

Just how can you stomach sex with that that?!

He sounds incredibly immature and lazy. If he's not willing to use condoms then no sex.

Also does he think storks bring babies?

That said he is entitled not to want any more and if that's the case he should get himself fixed. If he's not willing to then he needs to stop behaving like an idiot and glove up.

OP has not enabled his behaviour. She is not his mum, she is his equal (in theory). He is a grown man who has complete agency over his behaviour.

He's a knob (x1000).

Unfortunately many of our mother and grandmothers were of generation where men did nothing else but earn money. If OPs husband didn’t learn at home that chores should be divided equally as him and OP are equals who else will teach him?
Regardless imo it’s is down to OP to set her boundaries and let her husband know what her expectations are when they moved in together.