How to subtly signal crush at work

[fedupwiththeguy]

I have a crush on my boss.

I don't know if it is reciprocated. But I feel that even if John liked me, he would be really cautious in fear of ending up reported to HR.

I have noticed a few things that may signal he likes me, or may be nothing.
Examples:

• He asked me if I am single in such a roundabout way that I didnt't even notice until later
• He got too close physically to handle my laptop for a presentation when he could have taken his or moved mine closer to himself instead of his body towards my space.
• Makes sure I come to social events

This has trouble written all over it, and if it goes wrong, its you, your career and your reputation that will take the hit, not his.

Don’t do it!

If you’re really serious then find a new job then make a move. But ffs don’t flirt with your boss.

I don't want to flirt, hence why I am looking for advice on how to be subtle. I don't want to make a move, I want him to make the move. And of course I would not try a relationship with that power imbalance. If we found out we like each other, I will definitely switch managers.

Really silly idea.

You're reading far too much into your 'examples'. I suspect you are spending hours analysing this man's every move in the hope of finding 'clues' that he fancies you; and finding excuses for why he might not have made an obvious move.

Don't. It's a waste of time. If he is interested in a relationship, he will make a move.

Give yourself and him a bad reputation! Great idea! Trash your career in one easy move.

I think you should transfer jobs/managers and start afresh.

Third thread in two days about work crushes....
Same advice on all, keep away.

This.

These examples aren't anything. Look elsewhere.

If he actually non sleazily shows clear interest then re-evaluate. But I would only consider acting on it if he looked into transferring to another team instead of expecting me to (unless it actively suited me)

Unless it was a simple LM swap but you catch my drift. Don't risk your career

Don’t do it. He shouldn’t be doing anything and if he does it’s a bad sign and an abuse of power as your line manager. . Don’t you have a code of ethics at work? He should be very clear about what’s right and what’s wrong.

As your boss, he shouldn’t have done these things. Yes they were subtle but still mildly sleazy.
Dk you want a sleazy partner?

Has he done anything though?
He chatted to her and as a result of that conversation he happened to find out she was single.
He apparently got too close
As her manager he ensures she knows about social events.

He is not going to abuse his power and try it on. He is very very respectful, and he blushes with a shy smile when we talk 1:1. I think he would cut his hand off before hitting on me without knowing it is reciprocated. He has been only a gentleman and respectful of boundaries for the years we have worked together. I was at a work event chatting with a woman in the same role as him and for some reason she wanted to tell me a story about my manager. Don't want to be outing but the story only proved how much of a decent and kind man he is.

He has confided in me a couple of times that he was having a tough day. Because I care I looked him in the eyes and asked how he was doing and then he kind of gave up and told me these occurrences were he is going through a divorce and although it has been a couple of years they are still negotiating the settlement. I am divorced myself so I understand this.

There was a not dissimilar post yesterday that ran for pages then got deleted. Makes you wonder what the point replying is.

Well, so far not a single reply to the question of how to do it, just judgement... maybe that's why.

What are you asking? How to flirt with your boss?

Just don't do it, that's why!

You cant really be subtle, other than making eyes at him or giggling at his terrible jokes which is kinda obvious.

Namechanged as I know I will get judged for this.

I fell in love with my line manager (reciprocated). Once we knew the feeling was mutual, we told upper management, who discreetly changed my line management. Did my career no harm whatsoever, in fact I was promoted within months. We have now been together fifteen years and that workplace is back in history, so it was the right choice all round. I'm not naive, I know we were gossiped about, but we did everything by the book and I have absolutely no regrets.

@Wellitworkedforme thank you for sharing your story, I am glad you were brave and it worked out! Success is not for the weak.

How did you know the feeling was mutual? That's the step I am struggling with and trying to tread carefully. If it is not reciprocated, I don't want to make a fool of myself.
On the other hand, if he liked me, he wouldn't make any moves without knowing it is mutual. He has principles and I am certain he is aware of his position of power.
So it is about how to balance letting him know enough so he makes a move if he likes me, but that I don't lose his trust he doesn't.

He already offered himself for a transfer so I could stay where I wanted. Thankfully, we were both able to stay at the end. But I trust the command line I'd thre easiest step to work out. We work for a large corporation.

Could you mention a local activity outside work? Make ambiguous noises about 'not sure if your friend could make it'. That should be enough for him to offer to join you if he wants to. You can 'check with your friend' and get back to him... the slow process gives you both enough time to change your mind / save face if you aren't getting mutually reciprocal vibes.

Then if it goes ahead and you are both enjoying it, you can make plans to do similar again while you are still on the outing - that is important - so it doesn't get discussed at work. Then on the second outing, you can ask if he'd like to take you on a date. How does that sound?

Hmmmm I have suggested to grab a coffee, and maybe I will drop by the park where he told me he goes... but other things I see too straightforward. He is my boss, not in the buddy stage yet as I have kept 100% professional thinking he was married.

Definitely not asking for a date! Too much too soon... hoping to meet a few times to assess if there is anything more than platonic. And then definitely, he needs to make the move.

How long have you been working with him? I thought it was many years.