How to subtly signal crush at work

[fedupwiththeguy]

I have a crush on my boss.

I don't know if it is reciprocated. But I feel that even if John liked me, he would be really cautious in fear of ending up reported to HR.

I have noticed a few things that may signal he likes me, or may be nothing.
Examples:

• He asked me if I am single in such a roundabout way that I didnt't even notice until later
• He got too close physically to handle my laptop for a presentation when he could have taken his or moved mine closer to himself instead of his body towards my space.
• Makes sure I come to social events

I think you’re on another planet, there’s something about the way you write that sounds a little… off…. and I think it’s a really bad idea to send out signals that are subtle but not too subtle so that he definitely gets the message and makes a move… (risking his job etc etc)

I’m another one who thinks you’re reading too much into his “signals”. They probably don’t mean anything at all.

3 years, maybe half of that remote and half of it hybrid (less than 50% in office). We don't have to interact much to do our job. And I have been careful to keep it very professional (because he was married and I have a crush on him... so extra effort to not be too friendly).

Wow
You are reading way too much into this!!!
He probably didn't even notice the laptop...

If he wants a date he will approach you.
In the meantime, look for someone outside of work and don't put your relationship on hold for him

You basically want him to chase you.

But he's not yet divorced, you really have no idea how that is going or if he is seeing other women.

He knows you fancy him and he would probably have some fun but you sound as though you want serious and you like him more than he likes you.

It doesn't sound like a very equal union in many ways.

"He knows you fancy him" @CovertCarl what makes you think that?

Why would him "have some fun"? I am not open to hookups, not everyone is.

"I think you’re on another planet, there’s something about the way you write that sounds a little… off…" - I don't know if you mean English is not my first language or I am trying to be vague as to not out myself.

"He chatted to her and as a result of that conversation he happened to find out she was single." - well he asked me if I celebrated Valentines Day or singles day. I answered no. I guess he meant it in an either or way so he looked confused and then asked asked if it was just me on February 14...

"He probably didn't even notice the laptop..." you are right but he was there for half an hour not 10 seconds, and definitely too close for comfort. I could smell his deodorant.

There is noway a married boss who gets red talking to people is going to make a move on another woman, at work, who he manages based on eyelash flutter and a smile. There is no subtle flirting. Either the man is the type to make the first move or he won't. Many women have had a man pop up from nowhere and ask them out when she had no idea he was interested or that she was flirting with him and even more women flirted with men who never asked them out.

Everything you describe could well have an innocent explanation.

Even if he thought you're cute and he knew you were down for an affair, he might not be willing to cross that line with you. Honestly, if a man wanted to ask you out all you had to do was exist. If a man was willing to risk career and marriage, he would behave much more forward, would up the antee on the flirting basically groom you with special attention and compliments which he hasn't done here. Your examples are just not strong enough.

There are many other women with hom he could and will have a spark with without the added risks and complications.
But even if we assume he was flirting with you, some men will enjoy flirting and that is as far as they will ever go enjoying the ego boost from a safe distance with plausible deniability.

I advise you (without sarcasm) to go out more and meet some new people because isolation and boredom leads to limerence and inappropriate relationships. Have a look at livingwithlimerence.com
Good luck

@EdgyCat he is finalizing his divorce. That's not what I would call an affair. It took me over almost 2 years after living separately to obtain the decree...

And I don't know what kind of men people deal with here but the ones I know would not sexually harrads women at work. Asking someone out that is not reciprocated will land you in front of HR. So yes, it takes some triangulation not just some "alpha male energy"

I understand the general advice here but plenty of couples meet at work.

This sounds like a Mills and Boon book!

Don't mix business with pleasure is my advice.

It’s not judgement that I’m reading its discouragement. People don’t think it’s a good idea so they are not going to give you advice on how to do it if they think it’s a bad idea

Why hasn't he taken up your suggestion to go for coffee?

What? You want him to make a move, but don’t want a relationship? It’s so unclear. Do you like him or don’t you? Because it’s really ambiguous like you want him to make a move but you’re planning to make trouble if it doesn’t work out

True, my own parents did, but they were young, childless with no previous divorces and no power inbalance at work.

You have a few more things to consider.

One being you sound obsessed by him and up to this point after years of salivating over him, he still hasn't made a move.

Personally I would take it that he's not that into me.

If you want to wrap that up into him being ultra respectful, then you do you.

Good question. I go for coffee with other colleagues men and women but I have not seen him get coffee. However my coffee offer was for "if you need to talk/cry" so maybe he doesn't need that.

The most subtle romantic thing someone ever said to me was so subtle, I hadn't even twigged. But months later, when things had progressed a bit, he said "do you remember on valentines day - I said happy valentines to the whole room?because I somehow wanted to say it to you'.
It made my heart melt. It didn't work out, he turned out to be a total control freak, but he was really sweetly romantic in those early days.