Pregnant with 3rd but split from partner. He wants me to get abortion

[Boymumxxxx]

Not long found out I’m pregnant with my 3rd child. My 1st child is to a previous partner.. my 7 month only baby and this one is to the same man. We have recently split up but I’ve found out I’m pregnant. He wants me to get an abortion and has said that he won’t be involved with this child if I decide to keep it. Really don’t know what to do. I want to keep it but want my baby to have a dad!! I also don’t like the thought of him being involved with our other child and not this one. I am thinking of the effect it will have on this baby seeing him being a dad to my older one and not them. Need some help and advice

What does the rest of your situation look like? I would consider whether I wanted to keep the baby, whether I felt able to raise 2 under 2 solo, whether I could provide for both babies.

Practicalities such as would work pay for a second mat leave so soon, if no, where does that leave you financially?

I find building a picture of the non-emotional things can help resolve a very emotive issue.

Your baby will be just fine. Your ex sounds ridiculous. How dare he threaten to ignore his own child if he doesn't get his way! You will be fine, OP. You sound like a very loving mother.

What do you want though OP?
Your ex has no right to threaten and coerce you into having am abortion if you want to continue with the pregnancy.
As you are split up anyway, make the decision solely on what you wish to do and whether you feel you can manage another baby on your own. Tbh with that kind of attitude there's no guarantee he will want to be involved with either of your children anyway.

Thank you all for your replies. I still haven’t fully decided what to do. I am aware I have to make this decision very soon. I have a very supportive family who will support me whatever I decide to do x

What do you want?

If I am honest this sounds very tough for you. No matter how supportive your family are, raising 3 young kids on your own is really tough.
Your partner has told you how he feels and I agree this will be really difficult for this baby to grow up with a dad who doesn't want to know but a sibling who does have a relationship with the same dad. He's also going to do the bare minimum financially too, which is another stress for you.

If I'm honest I'm not sure I'd go through with the pregnancy in your shoes.
Good luck with your decision

You really want to keep it
BUT
also don’t like the thought of him being involved with our other child and not this one.

The shitty reality is in 2 years he will probably have little to nothing to do with the older one any way so i would not let that be an influening factor in your decision

There is no easy trouble-free path available to you here. Whatever decision you make, the most important thing is that it needs to be one you can live with.

I’ll be honest, I definitely would not have a 3rd child in your situation. I would focus on the 2 young children I already had and forget about men for a few years. Glad to hear you have a supportive family.

This is an incredibly messy situation and one you need to think very carefully about.

I can understand your ex not wanting you to keep the baby if the relationship has already broken down. I think lots of people (men and women) would be uncomfortable bringing a baby into the world in this context. Assuming he's not putting undue pressure on you, I don't think he's necessarily wrong to express his opinion or to make it clear to you that he won't be an involved father if you choose to proceed. At least this way you are truly making an informed decision and aren't under any illusions that he is supportive and will be around for the baby. You may have the ultimate choice about whether to have this baby but you can't compel him to be a good, involved father if he doesn't want to be.

If you choose to have this baby it will be extremely difficult financially, practically and emotionally. This will have long term consequences for you and the existing children.

Is the dad involved for the first child? It would really mess up a child if his 2 siblings had involved dads but he doesn’t, I think he’s feel even more rejected and confused.

This.

Sorry OP, but he won't see one and not the other. He'll just see neither.

If I was threatened that my ex partner would only see one of his children then he wouldn’t be getting to see either of them! All or nothing.

it takes 2 people to make a baby and he should be stepping up to his responsibilities! What an arse he is.

You have answered your own question in your first post by saying you want to keep the baby.

For heaven's sake don't make a decision based of threats from your ex. I agree with another poster - I doubt he will be around much for your other baby before long anyway so I really wouldn't factor him into the decision making one bit.

If you want to continue with the pregnancy and especially as you have a supportive family then that's your answer.

For context I'm totally pro choice. I had a termination once under pressure from a man. Don't do it. Decide what you want.

This

If you want to keep the baby then keep the baby. His threats are irrelevant - he probably won’t want to see either. If you can go it alone and, particularly since you have family support, then go for it.

I agree. (I had a termination years ago.)

My consideration would be the two children I already had and the impact on any potential future child of the situation i was bringing them into. I would consider it very pragmatically.

He is not in the wrong for making his position on it very clear. At least you can proceed fully informed and he's not promising you the earth only to deliver nothing down the line.

He’ll have to pay child maintenance. I bet he just wants you to abort this baby because he doesn’t want to pay. You’ll be a great mum without this loser.

What a wanker.
A mum at school was in a similar situation and her husband saw the older 3 kids but never the baby. He is 15 now and has zero relationship with his dad. The older kids avoid their dad now but it must have been awful for the little one.

You've got 2 kids and you're pregnant and single. The sensible thing for your existing kids and yourself is not to have another baby. Fuck that guy and what is best for him! You're right to worry about the impact on both children if he has a relationship with one and not the other.

@Boymumxxxx

I'm sorry he's turned out to be an absolute twat.

He would be seeing both or neither if it was me. He would be paying CMS for both either way. A possible pregnancy risk occurred when you had sex, that was when the decision was his to make, not now.

as others have said, he's NOT going to be a great Dad or coparent to the existing baby either way, so don't let that influence you.

ignore his side of it completely, focus on your ability to raise them on your own (with family support) and decide if you can do that or not.

I'm pro choice, but couldn't terminate in your situation, but that's just me, you have to make your own decision x

If you can afford it and think you can make it work practically, then keep it. Aborting a baby that you actually want to keep is definitely going to affect you emotionally.

But give yourself time to consider all your options and see if your feelings change - if you do decide to terminate then you are only making the same choice millions of women have made before you, and there is no shame in deciding it's what's best for your family.

He is not in the wrong for making his position on it very clear.

He is absolutely in the wrong for creating a child then deciding he will take zero responsibility for it.

He sounds like one of these men who have multiple kids to multiple women. He’ll have another woman pregnant soon - play being a dad for a while and then move on. He needs to be made to pay child maintenance.

My friend was in similar position and she kept it and lost the man. He still sees the older children but hasn't bothered to get to know the baby who is now 2.5 years old. So shes in a difficult position!