Romance

[AlphaB3tty]

All I want is the love and romance like in Bridgerton and every other romantic film etc. AIBU to want this or is it really just too much of a fantasy.

I mean, if you want it in your books and your movies, no, there's tons.

If you want it in real life, the ones that start out like that seem to reasonably often become controlling and possibly abusive, because most people understand that fiction and fantasy are different to real life.

In real life there are bills to pay, conflicting demands, someone forgot the milk, had a bad day, got food poisoning etc. Not that you can't have lovely romantic moments from time to time, but it isn't how real life generally is for most people, no.

Can you have real, ongoing, passionate and romantic love - sure, if you're lucky. Is it like romantic fiction - I would be very surprised to find a relationship that looks like that.

Do not want to jinx myself or come across as braggy but - hell yes, I'll brag! - but my partner and I have that - we are incurably romantic and so taken by each other. We have been married for over 20 years and in a D/s relationship, which I think is incredibly romantic too 😍I am - still - his beloved enslaved princess.

And if this is what you want this is what you want. Do not settle for anything else.

what is a D/s relationship please?

Dominant/submissive - much maligned, misunderstood and not for everyone, but it works for us :)

It doesn't exist.

It's only fleeting. Nothing lasts forever.

I have it but acknowledge it is rare. Married 25 years, he writes beautiful things in cards, leaves little love notes where I will find them, gives foot rubs when asked. He will de-ice my car, make me lunches, endless cups of tea. He is adorable. He was like this from day one, he sent me his last rolo through the post and I swooned.

However, this goes both ways, nothing he asks is too much effort for me. We treat our marriage like we are still in the first 6 months of dating. Phones down, conversations, make time for each other. And yes we had children, the youngest of whom is now 18. He also made them a priority too, spent one on one time with each of them, attended sports days, takes their birthdays off work to be able to do a school run.

My MIL was wonderful, raised him well and I in turn have made my own sons incredibly thoughtful, caring, capable, clean and tidy bedrooms, help with shopping etc.

i think it depends on what you mean by romance. Tho I am afraid I am aghast at the notion of aspiring to be an ‘enslaved princess’ .

That's ok, you play your archetype, I play mine and the world is better for it! Variety is fun.

What would you prefer? Tell me your story 😀

Ugh to the D/s relationship!!!

Yes I understand what you are saying - there is a lot of work that goes into a happy relationship - we have achieved it more by trial and error but, absolutely, lots of work. We have had couple counselling and we spend a lot of time reading, discussing communicating, sharing fantasies and imaginations. We have constructed our narrative.

Some interesting responses, thank you all. A Dom/sub relationship doesn't have to be S&M / 50 Shades of Grey.
Glad I'm not alone with how I feel.

Well , when I typed it I knew it wouldn’t be something everything agreed with !
Def each to their own . Tho I would always hope that people have the ability to be independant outside of their ‘enslaved ‘ status . Made me think of Stepford wives !

In real life a story like Bridgerton will end up in divorce before it gets to the happy ending. I do know couples who always look like they have just met dispite being married ages ago, but their stories sailed smoother than any romantic film.

@BellaDelBosco is that dynamic limited to the bedroom or does it infiltrate your everyday life too?

The more you chase the fairytale, the more you'll realise that real life is unlikely to match up to it. If you want a man to be dominant, there are plenty, but they probably come with controlling, entitled and abusive thrown in. Don't think romance novels mention housework much, and how it gets divvied up. Your fantasy likewise probably doesn't focus on the humdrum stuff, however, more time is spent on that than romance in reality.

I think it depends what romance actually is, to you. My DP makes a thermos of tea for us to take whenever we have to go out to do chores - so we can park up somewhere, and relax with a cuppa that’s romance to me but won’t be to someone else lol.
Mutual committed respect and consideration in and out of the bedroom is very possible.

Morning @Babbahabba , it is a fully negotiated 'everyday' thing although is fairly low protocol.

I think there could be an interesting conversation to be had about 'Dominant' versus 'domineering'. In D/s dominants often have an aspect of caregiving, they are the person an otherwise 'in control' person can relax and trust them to take control. Submission is about trust and letting go of fears. I am purposefully non gendering this because femdom is definitely a thing.

@BellaDelBosco - would make an interesting AMA I think

@DizzyBumble Thank you for suggesting this - I will reflect a little - I did an AMA on Reddit last year, which I deleted because I received some very interesting questions but also a lot of hate/inappropriate private messaging and it did upset me.

On the one hand I love communicating, I have spent a lot of time, thought, therapy, reading, etc. on this so I think I could dispel some myths in an articulate manner, on the other hand my skin is really thin and some people on this site enjoying giving 'tough love'.

I guess it's all about how things are presented - if it's done in a nuanced and polite and not 'fantasist' manner maybe there could be some worth. in it - thank you for the suggestion.

edited: typos

If you find someone who feels lucky that they met someone as wonderful as you and they put effort into the relationship, then that's what you have.
Don't settle for anything less.

Yeah, I’d really be asking myself what depth of internalised misogyny meant I got off on role-playing ‘enslaved princess’ for 20 years.

My MIL was wonderful, raised him well and I in turn have made my own sons incredibly thoughtful, caring, capable, clean and tidy bedrooms, help with shopping etc.

I question whether you can 'make' your sons into caring people.. as for tidy bedrooms is that relevant

You could also ask yourself why do you feel the need to put down another woman's informed choice - isn't that internalized misogyny too?