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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Romance

30 replies

AlphaB3tty · 17/06/2024 12:36

All I want is the love and romance like in Bridgerton and every other romantic film etc. AIBU to want this or is it really just too much of a fantasy.

OP posts:
Babbahabba · 18/06/2024 19:25

@BellaDelBosco I think it's the out of the bedroom but I struggle with- how a woman could surrender that much (all) autonomy. I'm trying not to be judgemental but I suppose I am a bit. It would make an interesting QA. Do you work? See friends and family independently? Just interested in the dynamics in the rest of your life.

perfectcolourfound · 18/06/2024 19:45

My relationship with DH has it's romantic moments, if by that you include holding hands, cuddling on the sofa, the odd surprise gift or gesture, soppy words in cards, a love heart written into the steam in the bathroom etc.

But real life can't be like that all the time. There's work, bills, housework, family, health issues, and all the other things that mean you have to be practical and sensible.

When I was younger I craved romance. With experience I've seen that romance doesn't always equal love. I've seen 'romantic' relationships that crumbled at the first sign of real problems (probably because they were just looking for romance, and the relationship wasn't deep enough to deal with it).

Now I'm older I see that equal respect, honesty, effort, support, patience and laughter are 10000 times more valuable than romance, and they are what's required to make a happy, long, succesfsul relationship.

Hateam · 18/06/2024 20:21

HoarseSoprano · 18/06/2024 10:04

Yeah, I’d really be asking myself what depth of internalised misogyny meant I got off on role-playing ‘enslaved princess’ for 20 years.

I often feel the words 'internalised misogyny' are thrown around too lightly on MN.

It's often used as a lazy way for women to criticise women who to think differently to them. A women who dares to make a choice that some other women deems as unfeminist. They play it like it's a trump card.

There's also a large element of cry wolf about it. The more I reason it, the more I ignore it.

AnneButNotHathaway · 20/06/2024 06:22

YANBU to want romance and it does exist but comes in many shapes and forms and what sounds romantic to one might not be that for another. My partner doesn't remember a lot of "important" days, but he does funny smartshow 3d videos with photos of me he specifically likes on my birthdays. He's not the one to open every door for me or write love letters but he knows what words would be right so that I'd feel better and he explains things to me patiently.

I don't think romance like the one shown in Bridgerton or the likes really exists, it's a show that has to have its catchy moments to keep us entertained. However, I don't think wanting romance in general is somehow wrong, it's not.

BellaDelBosco · 20/06/2024 14:24

Babbahabba · 18/06/2024 19:25

@BellaDelBosco I think it's the out of the bedroom but I struggle with- how a woman could surrender that much (all) autonomy. I'm trying not to be judgemental but I suppose I am a bit. It would make an interesting QA. Do you work? See friends and family independently? Just interested in the dynamics in the rest of your life.

Hi so, first of all, not just women are sub - I have several male sub friends. I think it would be very interesting to hear from them too as it's such an underground subculture because our society looks down on them.

Secondly, submissives have got lots of power! It's us who draw the lines put limits, say what we'd do or not, and basically the D types get to act our fantasies...

Finally, yes, I work - I am well educated and have a position of leadership (classic submissive cliche' alert! Boss in the world and servant in one's love life) - I run a department working, broadly speaking, in communications; of course I can see friends on my own - although my partner is my favourite person to hang out with, we are best friends and have got lot of interests in common such as music and cycling, I have my own hobbies (yoga, painting furniture, generally wellbeing stuff, I was very active in a small left wing activists' group and I was going there on my own although this is one of the things I received guidance to stop because it was stressing me out so much and making me feel inadequate).

My family well that's a different matter entirely as there have been instances of dysfunction/violence/abuse when I was underage (I'm aware this is another cliche' - I wish it was not so of course) so I am very low contact with them. They live far away anyway.

Today I'm really cooked as I had to present my team's work to the whole division, but tomorrow I'll jot down a nuanced AMA - do I have your permission to tag you? If not I'll just refer to 'other mumsnetters' and keep it vague.

Thank you for helping me to reflect 😀

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