How often do you leave the house? Worried I’m a recluse

[Cantabulous]

I’m divorced, 62, with three adult DC, a dog and a DP I see four times a week, at my house. I’ve worked from home, effectively full-time (self-employed), for 25 years. I’m pretty healthy and happy, leaving aside the usual worrying about DC, but I’ve realised that I’ve sunk into a habit of basically only leaving the house to walk the dog, go to the gym or go to the corner shop. I see friends for a walk or coffee about five or six times a month, and visit my DC maybe once a month on average ( for a few days as they live some distance away). I travel to big conferences for work two or three times a year, and holiday for about three weeks a year.

should I be going out more? What are other people doing?

I realised that on second reading. My apologies.

Of course not! Just write down a few new things you would like to do, and do them. I have a tendency to keep everything comfortable and manageable, which is basically the way I like it, but once in a while I need to kick myself up the arse and arrange some fun stuff. I always feel better for digging myself out of my rut, even though I subside happily back into it between times.

No, contact with friends is pretty even, sometimes I feel a bit besieged if I’m honest. And no, the dog is an absolute joy, I don’t feel in the slightest tied down by her (though objectively, I probably am!)

I do cultural stuff at least twice a week. Museums, theatre, cinema, talks. But then I am in London where there is a lot of free and cheap stuff. And I have spare time.

If you don't want to do any of that, don't . Personally I am enjoying this time when the DC are grown and want to make thr most of it.

You are not a recluse though.

I also meet new people at least once every two weeks at various clubs. But when I say that on MN, people are horrified and think I am weird. People are different. I need a fair bit of stimulation in my life.

I’m 55 and retired, I go to an aqua aerobics class twice a week and then stay where it’s held for a few hours afterwards, I’ve made a friend there.
I have two different friends I see nearly every week on a one to one basis, one more often during the day and the other one in the evening. I travel every five or six weeks, mostly with my DH, once per year on my own and occasionally with friends or family. I have a few other friends I see once or twice per year and I meet two female relatives twice per year.
I enjoy going to the cinema on my own or with my DH or friend.
I enjoy costal walks and meals out especially lunches. I go to the theatre once or twice per year. When I go on holiday I like to try and do as much as I can and often make holiday friends.
I visit my parent twice per week in their nursing home.
I live with my DH and adult DC.

This is what I thought I would be doing more of (I do some as I live in a university town), I think I’m disappointed with myself that I don’t do more.

You leave the house way more often than I do. I sometimes only leave it 3-4 times a week! No dog, and I economised on fitness classes so now do free ones online at home. I might meet a friend for a walk or coffee once a week. DH and I go out a couple of times a week. DC are adults and live in other cities. so we don't see them often. Maybe once every couple of months, or they come to us.Also WFH and have for 20 years, apart from a few weeks of the year (conference season) which are full on back-to-back client meetings. DH is retired so he does all the shopping. I often find there's no reason to leave the house even if I want to. It seems silly to waste a few hours and pounds driving into the nearest town just to buy something when it can arrive friom Amazon next day.

But I do feel cabin-feverish often. And yet I don't make the effort to fix meet ups with friends as often as I should. It's weird.

How about trying something out of your comfort zone once per month, a walk around an art gallery perhaps ?

You are me! Inertia is a terrible thing!

I have become more insular by circumstances - in my twenties I was v sociable, and when the kids were small, I did baby groups and meeting friends for coffee and trips out with the kids.

They are early teens now, both ND and unsociable! The little one can’t manage any indoor places such as cinema or shopping. If visitors come to the house, she is a limpet so can’t talk about anything. She doesn’t like being alone without a parent in the house. My older child is also not keen on being alone and gets stressed with visitors. He spends most of his time in his room whilst she is generally with one of us.

So I WFH. I do go to the gym several times a week for an hour (restores my sanity), and my daughter and I will bike or walk at weekends, in very quiet places, if the weather is dry. I go to book group once a month. And I don’t see any other friends really. Only 6 years until they are both 18, but I know it doesn’t really end then!

do your DC ever visit you?

what types of holiday? alone or with others?

I think you've asked the wrong question, as clearly you are leaving the house very often indeed.

Perhaps asking "how can I improve my social life?" or "how can I find new communities?" or "how can I expand my horizons?" would get you better answers rather than people challenging the use of the word 'recluse'.

It sounds to me like you have a fairly active social life - I don't meet people for coffee or lunch anywhere near so often.

I am bed bound in my 50’s. Occasionally on good days I get up and may go out. Two weeks since the last time. I hate my life

@Cantabulous It seems I have been thinking along similar lines to @NewName24 you might be asking the 'wrong' question.
I am older and retired and also live in a University City. I was not happy and decided to learn some History in a more serious way. I was granted a Readers Ticket for the famous library. So I have spent a year on some detailed study. That was a great improvement to my sense of well being.
Are you looking for more meaning or a deeper involvement in something? Might that be a question to ask yourself first?

I'm in my 40s and only really leave the house for school runs and work.

Yes, they’re here remarkably often really, I managed to keep the family home post-divorce and they find it comforting to escape the big city i think

Holidays with the DC or friends

that sounds very hard, I’m sorry. Do friends visit you?

I think you mean you feel stagnant op.

Yes, I’m looking for more meaning to my life, definitely. As I’m still working long hours as a technical specialist I simply can’t study though, I find even reading a decent book exhausting.

For me, meaning in my life has been to love my DC, DP, dog and parents. I lost my final parent last year and I know that at least some of my ennui comes from no longer being anyone’s daughter. Maybe I just need to be patient with the grief?

Sorry, I meant to quote @Phoebefail there

@Cantabulous , Yes, grief, Mother past away, I was sad. Father died I was very upset and it lasted longer. My Sister died and I realised there was no one who shared my memories. No one else was there when. . . .
Cousins and DH they are later. It is not the same.

I am finding study difficult even though I no longer work.

Exactly. There are far too many threads asking “is this normal,” “should I have more friends,” “how many friends is normal,” “ how often should I be socialising,” etc. Those are the sorts of questions we ask when we’re insecure teenagers. Who cares? There’s no such thing as normal. All that really matters is how happy you are. For example, I’m an introvert. If I forced myself to join clubs and book groups and constantly go to weddings and birthdays etc I’d be miserable. I might be more ‘normal’, but I’d also be more unhappy.