I don't understand what is going on

[Tryasimighty]

Been with my partner for a couple of years now. We're buying a property and then getting married. Except he keeps picking these tiny fights with me and it's leaving me feeling insecure in the relationship and confused.

Tonight he told me that if I want someone who is only going to be interested in doing all the things I want to do then I need to find someone else. I was quietly on my phone whilst he was watching football.

This is not going to end well.

I don’t understand- because you aren’t interested in watching the football because you were on your phone that means you are only interested in doing what you want? That’s a stretch. I would reconsider buying a house

He was watching football. I was reading MN 😳 I don't really bother to talk during sport because I know he wants to watch

Is it that you committed the mortal sin of not being interested in football?
It sounds as though he wants you to be actively interested in anything he is interested in. And you are not allowed to have your own interests.
That's just my interpretation of what you have said. But if he is picking fights with you for no reason then that is a really worrying trend. Walking on eggshells is a phrase frequently seen on MN and if you aren't doing that already it sounds as though you will be soon. I think I would be thinking hard OP about the relationship going forward

That's the thing I'm not interested but I ask questions and I listen and to a point follow the team. But I also thought that not talking through a game was important.

Football is a minefield OP. Following the team is good. But perhaps he is expecting you to watch the games with the same intensity of emotion that he does and is annoyed that you aren't doing that? I don't know. Because the crux of the matter is that he started an argument with you which you have no idea about the cause of and you are left feeling upset. And you are spending your time trying to figure out what it is you have done. That is not how it should be.You have the right to be yourself and co exist with him without being made to feel somehow guilty for not doing the right thing in his eyes.

My partner is massively into computer games - I loathe them (and football) and won't have a console of any description in my house (we don't live together).

I'd laugh myself silly if he got pissy because I take zero interest in what he's playing. And then tell him to get to fuck. However he's mature enough to know that my lack of interest in one of his hobbies is not the end of the world.

It sounds as though he's got cold feet

Honestly I just feel sad. I just wanted an enjoyable evening. I didn't care if he watched football or not.

Horrible for you OP.

The other little things are either miscommunications or misunderstandings. I'm a pretty simple creature but I think I come across quite either blunt or blasé. Ultimately, I just like to know where I stand and I struggle with uncertainty.

Doesn’t sound great OP, I had a similar time with my exh before we got married. He was snarky a lot, picked silly arguments and just generally made me feel like I pissed him off constantly.
I remember once snapping at him “if we weren’t getting married we’d be splitting up!” Because he was being particularly mean towards me for no real reason.

well he had an affair and We were divorced within a few years.

There could be a reason for it, if he isn’t usually this person there could be a reason like stress or working through some emotional stuff. Everyone has times where their tolerance is low and tension is high. But that doesn’t give him an excuse to take it out on you.

It could also just be his real colours emerging. I’d tread very carefully here.
what it really comes down to OP, we don’t want to hurt the people we love, not even by accident. We want them to feel good, lift them up. Care for them and for them to be happy above everything else.

If your fiance doesn’t make you feel loved and doesn’t show it, and actually goes quite far the other way so that you are questioning his feelings, then that’s not love.

I dunno, it sounds like you're blaming yourself because he's picking on you. Are you sure you want to live with this for the rest of your life?

Thank you all for being understanding and taking the time to message back. I do hear what you're all saying. It's thrown me to say the least.

Is he insecure, as in he wants to watch football, sees that you’re not interested and worries that you’re upset because he pays his attention yo football, not realising that you’re happily doing your own thing? Not saying that this comment is ok and it needs a conversation I think, but this is something my ex would have said out of insecurity.

I doubt you're notably blunt or blasé - but I suspect your dp tells you that you are.

I bet he's one of those who takes issue with what you say however you say it.

I ask one question OP. This is a question that my therapist asked.
What are his actions telling you?
Think about this and make your decision.

OP, his mask is slipping.
He doesn't respect you and certainly doesn't love you.
He is testing just how much shit you will take.
You will bitterly regret buying a house with him and getting stuck with tied finances.
Be brave, dump him.

He might have 'hoped' you'd take issue with the football so he could indulge himself in some casual bullying. When you didn't, he thought he'd just have the longed-for argument anyway.
That's what it sounds like to me.

It sounds like a touch of cold-feet-itis and - I'd be sitting down with him to discuss the future, follow your head and not your heart, good luck x

If he is like this now it doesn't bode well for the future.You did nothing wrong here as you were quietly on your phone whilst he watched the game.
l really don't think his weird comment was about the football but more about finding a reason to pick on you and start an argument.
If this is his character l would seriously be thinking about ending things as he's showing you now what to expect in the future.