My husbands friend was killed a few years before I met him. He was friends with the wife and weirdly I thought carried a photograph of the friends child in his wallet when we met, he'd go down and stay over at her house swearing nothing ever happened between them. ( the child is now a grown man )
She lived about 2 hours from my husband and she called him daily.
When we met and went on our first holiday together, this woman called 4 times during the week ' just for a chat' I ended up in the bathroom while they laughed and joked on the phone in the bedroom for ages I felt like a spare part.
When I moved across to live with my then boyfriend ( now husband) she would call him and make excuses ' can you come and help with a computer issue' can you come and collect the son and take him to a sports event etc etc ...and he would drop everything and ruining the weekend. ( she had 2 brothers and parents locally thay could help her )
I had to have emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy and while I was in theatre she called and asked him to drive down to pick up the son and take him to another sporting event then drive him back home again - she knew I was in surgery and it meant he wasn't there when I woke up infact I didn't see him until the evening the next day.
I know she called him while he was at work most days.
I told him it made me uncomfortable and that i felt he was putting their friendship before our marriage.
He did back off a little but then she started sending him abusive texts when she was drinking which he passed off as nothing.
She caused alot of grief between us and I definately felt she was trying to come between us, he was oblivious to her behaviour and said it was in my head but it was clear she was jealous that I was with him.
Anyway fast forward and last week she died suddenly and yesterday he comes home and tells me our weekend plans were cancelled and he was going to her funeral this morning and would be away all day.
I was so angry and hurt, and said that's fine but when he gets back we need to talk as his behaviour over the years with her and also his obsession with this particular sport has taken priority over our relationship for over 15 years, causing me significant mental health issues- ie disappearing for 10 days the night I came home from an open hysterectomy leaving me alone in the house, doing the exact same thing when I moved countries to live with him, within 12 hours of me arriving disappearing off to this sport event for 10 days. ( this has been an ongoing thing for 15 years)
So I didn't sleep at all last night I was so upset about this funeral, so I said that when he got home we needed to talk and make desicions on our future whether we stayed together or split as I wasn't prepared to put up with the behaviour any longer and the effect it is having on me mentally.
He said he wanted to go and meet up with friends he hadn't seen in years and pay his respects to this woman who quite frankly had never ever shown me any respect as his wife in the last 15 years.
He said my behaviour was controlling- that i was using the relationship as a threat to control him going to the funeral, i consider it setting long needed boundaries ( as discussed when we had marriage counselling - where incidently the counsellor did point out that his behaviour was very selfish and emotionally abusive)
So am I in the wrong for being upset at his insistence on dropping everything and going to the funeral ? He's made me question my own behaviour