"Unmatching" on Bumble

[Ohwellithappens]

I have had a few months off dating apps, but literally there seems to be a trend in "unmatching" . I have only unmatched where I have said to someone that I don't feel things will progress, I have met and there's no connection or where someone has said something that's uncomfortable either sexual or obviously rude.
I have been on Bumble a couple of weeks and have just been unmatched by quite a few for absolutely no obvious reason. I was meant to meet someone today and they just unmatched me.
A woman must make the first move on Bumble but can be unmatched by a man for no reason.

I think all dating sites should need a credit card to sign up too.
It proves identity and can be blocked so it's harder for spammers and the people that aren't serious to join and rejoin.

Charge a low monthly sum of like £2 or something and make sure the charge is very obviously a dating site.. incase anyone that's married might think they can be sneaky.

£2 - Debit - DATING SITE - POF

Sometimes I match someone quickly, because I think they have a nice smile/eyes/whatever. I'm swiping through quickly. I might only check their profile properly a couple of hours/days later and it'll say they have a child, or they smoke, or have their top off posing in the mirror in their very last picture which I hadn't seen... None of these things align with what I'm looking for so I unmatch. I never tell them why I'm doing it.

I don't know I agree that anyone owes an explanation to literal strangers. If we've been chatting off the app/have been on a date/were arranging a date sure, but someone who I've just matched and decided they weren't for me? Definitely not - and I'd actually find it bizarre to receive a message regarding this.

Men on OLD behave badly in many scenarios but IMO unmatching isn't really one of them. Nor should you take it personally. You just weren't what they were looking for

It's about courtesy though. Most of us don't owe anything to anyone. Dating apps could be better if people tried to think of the picture as a person.

"men should not be allowed to just unmatch."

Are you for real? It's one thing designing it for women to make the first move, that's fine. But you don't think men should be allowed to unmatch? You're being ridiculous.

I updated my post to say I accepted that I was wrong on this.

But would you actually appreciate these messages if you got them? I know I wouldn't.

95% of the messages would be very clearly disingenuous. 'Sorry I don't think we are compatible enough', when two people have barely spoken, very clearly means 'on inspection you aren't as fit/attractive/educated/funny as I thought originally, so I'm not interested'. Any half reasonable person could deduce this, so the unmatch really wouldn't be any less of a sting.

It also would irritate me because it's the other person assigning a whole lot of self importance - as though I'm going to be so upset when a stranger unmatches, because they're such a catch, so they need to explain.

Because of all the above, it just would never ever occur to me to go about the apps in this way. I think most people feel similar.

It's a lot of steps to get to the same point, which is 'I think I can do better'

If they're unmatching you that's their business and entirely up to them.

Why would you want men who obviously aren't that keen on you in the first place to keep you as a reserve/second choice option?

At least this is more honest of them!

I understand you feel that way but I would appreciate a message, I have sent messages saying that the distance is an issue, I don't feel we have enough interests etc. Literally all well received. It's not about self importance it's about showing courtesy to strangers and I can't see how that is bad.

No I am not. I am saying that if you're not interested in someone than saying " I don't feel we have a connection" or whatever is more polite. The guidance for Bumble suggests that people send a note before unmatching just to be polite.

Online dating apps seem to drive increasingly transactional, dehumanised dating behaviour. I think it's pretty obvious why that might be the case, given how the apps work.

Well if you're going to refer a man/woman as "they", I can see why he unmatched you.

How delightful.

I agree, although many on here don't.

It's brutal, OP. I git rid of them all a few years ago, but Bumble was always the best of the bunch. And yes, I think it has all become rather transactional.

For what it's worth, I've spoken to a few blokes in recent years and done a bit of research, and it appears that some are cheating, some are just wankers, some may be chatting to someone else, but some are dreamers and panic at the thought of meeting up in person. This seems to be more common than I realised. The old keyboard warrior if you like.

These make up a percentage of those online, but there has to be some genuine ones out there too. I think it's just a case of having a thick skin and patience.

I think it's one thing if you've been chatting for days and are speaking about meeting up and someone simply unmatches - It can feel a bit brutal then and in that case, I do think it is more polite to say something.

But if you've just matched, then I have no problem with unmatching - I do it - I often swipe right by mistake, or when they match they are in one place but live somewhere else, or I notice that they're smokers or something else. Or if they say something stupid or lame with their opening

Also if you have loads of matches going at once, it's unmanageable, so I often cull a few then too or at least let them fade away.

I think OP its sad, but unmatching is fine and usual and you have to get a thicker skin. Bumble didn't implement ladies first to stop this kind of behaviour.

Yes, unmatching where there's no exchange is understandable. But I think otherwise it's just polite to say something to unmatch, it's a deliberate act.
Bumble suggest people contact someone before unmatching.

It's not just men who 'unmatch'!
And yes, it really is plain rude to be talking normally one day, ends up 'Talk tomorrow x': Then tomorrow, disappeared without a word.
The internet does have the ability to make people think they're invisible, say things and act in ways they would never do 'normally'.
And it's hard not to feel put out, just have to think it shows they were never worth the emotional investment anyway.....

I’m on Bumble and men can send first message now but no further messages until the woman replies.Ive had several recently

And I don’t agree with your OP sorry. When I started OLD I was polite to men I wasn’t interested in telling them they wasn’t my type etc and had abusive messages back, others almost begging me to give them a chance etc. So if it’s only a handful of messages and I’m not feeling it, I unmatch and if they do the same then fine.

I don’t feel any obligation to owe a stranger an explanation. If you’ve met its different and then I world send a message if I wasn’t interested but not if we haven’t yet had a date.