Confused by partner behaviour

[Confusedbutthatsnormalformetbh]

I’ve been with my partner two years. He is nice and kind. I’m very emotional he’s very funny outgoing but quite low on emotion. Twice he has upset me and twice I’ve pretty much over reacted emotionally by being upset and a little angry (nothing too much but I’m a bit overboard at times) these two times he has given me silent treatment for around three weeks. I feel slightly worried now to really p**s him off. He’s so nice tho and we laugh loads. I just feel sort of anxiety over getting too angry ever. So this weekend he sprung on me that he was invited to his cousins wedding. We very rarely go out together I was so excited then he said that I’d not been invited as she didn’t really know he had a partner. I was really upset I have childhood trauma from my parents leaving me out of things. I just feel quite upset. Off he went to the wedding and I feel quite numb toward him now. Not sure what to do.

Silent treatment is abusive. If he's unhappy with how you react, he needs to be a grown up and use his words. Stamping out your emotional reactions by making you afraid to express yourself is not on. You may need to work on yourself, but not by being bullied into it. If you can't communicate, then your relationship is not working.

It isn’t a kind person who gives someone silent treatment for 3 weeks.

Well I look after his baby so he’s fairly sure I’m okay
I don’t think be minded one door slam but you’re right I guess he is not happy with any emotion being shown at all by me

On the surface it doesn’t look dramatic. There are no big rows in fact we have never had a row. It looks a very funny and hilarious relationship on the surface. I really don’t know what’s dramatic about a door slam or a phone down either. We don’t even argue let alone raise voices.

He's not a nice man, my lovely. Giving you the silent treatment is classic abuse and you can do much, much better than that. You're not over sensitive, he's a nasty prick.

Why did he spring this wedding on you? He must have known about it for much longer surely but was avoiding the conversation. If his cousin didn’t know he had a partner he could have asked if he could bring a plus one. If it wasn’t possible the conversation should have been had with you at a much earlier juncture.

There are major communication issues which either need to be addressed or you need to get out of this relationship.

How often do you look after his child?

his baby is now nearly four I’ve known her some time. I do the childcare whilst he goes out with friends x I also have his nephew who is a baby

Yes he was avoiding telling me about the wedding x he knew I’d be upset as he went a funeral a year ago and didn’t take me

You have been together for 2 years, you have a baby together and his family don't know you exist?
He is really NOT a nice person, he sulks for 3 weeks. This isn't a healthy relationship, you should absolutely look at what you get from it.

I'll be honest, I wouldn't be with someone who slammed doors (however infrequently) or cried 'excessively' or hung up on le becaise I'd been invited to a wedding they weren't included in.

But I wouldn't be with someone who kept me a secret from their family or gave me the silent treatment either.

You need to find healthier ways of managing and expressing your emotions and he needs to be with someone he actually cares about.

I have just seen your update. Do the baby isn't yours, he just uses you for childcare?

I feel like saying f you isn’t too bad ?
I do cry too much it’s annoying.
I slammed a door once in two years
I feel calm mostly I’m not sure I could do too much work on this it’s not really that bad is it ? Would a counsellor work with “ I slammed a car door 6 months ago ” ?

I really don’t know what’s dramatic about a door slam or a phone down either

??

Seriously?

It's what children do.

Sorry OP- but you're his bit on the side while he goes out and lives his life. The fact that you've got your own SN child and are then looking after his child and nephew while he again goes out and lives his life means you're nothing but a time pass for him. Add into that the fact that he ghosts you every once in a while- not on. You need to work on your self-esteem and get rid of this user.

And also work on your own communication techniques.

So how often do you mind his child and nephew?

I feel like saying f you isn’t too bad ?

I'd dump someone for saying it to me. No one has ever said that to me in a relationship. Ever.

It can’t be that often if he goes weeks without talking to you..

When one person starts to monitor their behaviour because of the other person's behaviour, there's a problem.

You don't like the silent treatment so you try not to annoy him. He doesn't like the crying so he stonewalls you.

Both behaviours may be ways of controlling the other person. Neither behaviour is healthy.

He's avoiding telling you things because he doesn't like how you'll react.
You are afraid to show your emotions because he'll go quiet on you.

You seem to be looking after other people's children- are you being paid? Are they taking turns with your disabled child?

This isn't going well and you need a rethink.