Why can't we even be friends?

[isntitsweetiguessso]

Around 4 years ago I was dating a woman (same sex) not officially a couple.
She was a huge player at the time (stupidly thought I could change her )
I'm 36 and she's now 43.
We nearly got together but there was an issue (I won't bore you with it ) and it pulled us apart.
We continued to speak for a year every day.
We dated around 8 months
It was pretty intense tbh
She treated me different to the other women who she was seeing and said we couldn't be friends.
Yet the others she could be friends with.
Then she would randomly text me talking about a memory we shared or my favourite song.
Anyway I decided I needed to move on and we cut contact and I deactivated my social media.
She said she had started to see someone and it didn't feel right speaking to me (yet spoke with all the other women )
Anyway about 6 months ago I re activated it and we are now both in relationships.
I noticed her viewing my Snapchat and then after a week she deleted me.

I don't get it
We are both in relationships now
We have both moved on
I valued even the friendship we had and thought after all this time even tho we don't speak anymore ,we could be at least social media "friends"
Now bare In mind her social media is full of ex's ,one night stands (one is a mutual friend and she wishes her happy birthday)

Why am I so different ?
What have I done to be hated ?
I don't get it
I have and she has lots of randoms on social media
Why delete me ?

So it's not out of respect to her new partner as she has all of the other women on there (and there's lots of them )

Sorry that was a bit of a ramble
Apologies
Anyone ?

You don’t have to understand why, you just have to accept this is how she is. It’s great you’ve moved on and are happy.

She doesn’t deserve your friendship

We are both in relationships now
We have both moved on

It doesn't sound like you have. You still seem to be putting a lot of thought into this woman.

You say she treated you differently to the other women. How do you know that, is it what she told you? I ask because it sounds very much like she was mucking you about. And liars can be very believable.

Cutting contact and not knowing anything about her life is the only way you can start to heal. It's very difficult, I know I've been there, but the less she is in your head the more of your life and yourself you'll get back

No one can answer this question, and to be honest it doesn’t matter. You say you have moved on, so start acting on it. She doesn’t want to stay in touch, or worse she is doing it to keep you dangling. Either way you are better off out of it.

Focus on your actual life, not SM. Find strategies to stop yourself thinking about this/her. Block if she appears back. You’re wasting your time speculating, just let it go.

Anyway I decided I needed to move on and we cut contact and I deactivated my social media.

Maybe this really upset her? She doesn't want to be hurt again?

She was messing you about op. Simple as. Had an encounter a long time ago with one , a bit similar, short lived intense friendship followed by a year on NC with another year of friendship but not as intense. For my own good I cut her off sm and she hated it. We had not spoken in months but she noticed straight away I had blocked her on platforms we if not used in years. She is basically still stalking but got caught. Simple as!

Your brain might not let you hear this but be glad she's not keeping in touch with you. Those other women might be being bread-crumbed and stressing about every message. It doesn't mean she hates you.
Time to properly move on and accept she's not in your life.

Read up on breadcrumbing, and steer clear of her - my guess is she'd like to hoover you back in at some point in the future.

https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/everything-you-need-know-about-breadcrumbing

I think it's because she has ex's /one night stands etc still there it makes me wonder why am I so different
Just looking for reasons why she dislikes me enough not to want to see anything about me
I didn't do anything to her
It was all her to me
She treated me so bad
That's what I meant about her treating them different to me

That's the effect of breadcrumbing - she's got you wondering what's wrong with you, and all the power is in her hands because you think she's the one that can fix it.

It doesn’t sound to me like you have moved on tbh.

You don’t need to be friends with an ex, and tbh it is often seen as inappropriate when you’re in a relationship with someone else. That’s probably all it is and why she is deleted you, as she is in a relationship with someone else, and has no interest in you or bringing up part of her past.

I have blocked all of my exes. I am married and i have no desire whatsoever to be friends with any of them.

I would honestly seek some therapy to talk out your feelings with a professional. Asking why you’ve done to be hated etc is quite an extreme reaction to something normal and I think it shows you need to work on your self esteem.

@MariaVT65 my point is she has all her other ex's /one night stands on her social media
She also wishes them happy birthday etc
(As I'm mutual friends with one )
Which was the reason it made me wonder what I had done that was so bad

You need to just get over it. You say you’ve moved on but you clearly haven’t.

Its possibly not that you are "hated" or have done anything wrong, but that she still feels more strongly about you than about the others, so it would be playing with fire to stay in contact.

Either way, you need to accept that you're not going to be friends and truly move on.

You keep repeating that she has her exes on social media and not you.
You keep saying that as if it justifies your obsession over her. It doesn't.

She's baiting you, and you're falling for it.
There is no answer that will satisfy you, nothing anyone can say that will give you what you need - which is closure - because you're keeping this narrative alive in your head. You keep wasting your energy thinking about it, posting about it, wondering, obsessing.

The only person who can stop you from doing that, is you.
I don't care what your ex does to justify it. Just stop.

Why am I so different ?
What have I done to be hated ?

It's not you, it's her. You are a very lovely person. She is messing with you. I'd encourage you to shrug her off and go and build the best life for yourself.

This 👆🏻 exactly what I was thinking and you’ve worded it perfectly!

I guess it doesn't make any difference why I'm the only one she doesn't want to see or hear anything about for whatever reason

It shouldn't make any difference to you, no.

You've moved on, so why do you care what she thinks?

It's just a shame we couldn't maintain a friendship
We got on really well
It's just a shame I guess

It’s not a shame. It’s completely normal for exes not to be friends.

We aren't ex's as we were never together in a official relationship

Doesn’t matter. Same how my DH and i arem’t friends with anyone we slept with before. Just awkward.

You've not engaging with what posters have suggested or advised.

This comment sounds like a sulky child, OP. Not a criticism, but it indicates that you are not approaching this as your adult self, for whatever reason.