Why can't we even be friends?

[isntitsweetiguessso]

Around 4 years ago I was dating a woman (same sex) not officially a couple.
She was a huge player at the time (stupidly thought I could change her )
I'm 36 and she's now 43.
We nearly got together but there was an issue (I won't bore you with it ) and it pulled us apart.
We continued to speak for a year every day.
We dated around 8 months
It was pretty intense tbh
She treated me different to the other women who she was seeing and said we couldn't be friends.
Yet the others she could be friends with.
Then she would randomly text me talking about a memory we shared or my favourite song.
Anyway I decided I needed to move on and we cut contact and I deactivated my social media.
She said she had started to see someone and it didn't feel right speaking to me (yet spoke with all the other women )
Anyway about 6 months ago I re activated it and we are now both in relationships.
I noticed her viewing my Snapchat and then after a week she deleted me.

I don't get it
We are both in relationships now
We have both moved on
I valued even the friendship we had and thought after all this time even tho we don't speak anymore ,we could be at least social media "friends"
Now bare In mind her social media is full of ex's ,one night stands (one is a mutual friend and she wishes her happy birthday)

Why am I so different ?
What have I done to be hated ?
I don't get it
I have and she has lots of randoms on social media
Why delete me ?

I am also thinking the same op, sorry. You and i are the same age but you are acting and talkng like me as an inexperienced 23 year old with no self esteem. Please get some therapy to talk through all this and what healthy relationships are.

@MariaVT65 I totally get that but like I've said she is friends with all of them so nothing to do with being awkward

I am aware I need to just forget
It makes no difference either way
It's just playing on my mind
It's just as simple as that

Stop comparing her relationship to other people. Neither of you sound like you know what a healthy relationship is. Just forget about her.

Perhaps have a think about why you want to be friends with someone who treated you so badly, as you said. Some therapy might be in order. Or at the very least trying to do some work on your self esteem and boundaries.
I really wish you well OP.

She doesnt want to

I have been with my current GF over 2 years
We live together and are really settled
It's not that I would ever even want her back
I honestly don't
With her I have always been the one who felt not good enough
I think now I just feel like you can't even bare looking at me (ridiculous I'm aware )

How did you get on well when you say she treated you badly? This makes no sense. Try to stop giving her headspace and focus on actually moving on.

You obviously don’t know a lot of lesbians 😬

This is it she's literally friends with them all
Well except her ex of 5 years and me

Let it go. She doesn't have to give you a reason. She doesn't want to be friends with you, you're in a new relationship, move on!

Not the point of your thread I know, but just wondering what a lesbian player is like?

If a straight woman dates a lot of guys, she’s certainly not called a player, I think there are far more unsavoury terms than that.

Is the term player regularly used by lesbians?

You sound weirdly obsessed OP. Maybe your intensity is freaking her out. Just leave her be and focus on your current partner.

Oh dear. You need to let it go. Engaging in here is just another way to keep the conversation going.

Stop.

As a woman who has dated a lot of women and remained friends with them, the only times I have chosen not to remain friends with an ex is when I couldn’t trust her. By this I mean showing signs of emotional cruelty or lack of empathy, or just extreme emotional immaturity.
You can reason with most things, but not that.

It's her choice who she does and doesn't remain friends with. It's best you move on and forget about her. You won't gain anything from dwelling on her or her friendships with others.

Ok then.

Regardless, it doesn’t often end well and is clearly not doing op any good is it.

So stop bothering about someone who is a dick to you.

You deleted your social media (so effectively blocked her) so she's removed you from hers? Tit for tat.

Why would she add you again?

Her other exes she has on there probably didn't delete their social media or unfriend her and that's why they're still there.

Sounds like you want her to be pining for you and are a bit pissed off that she doesn't seem to be.

By player I meant she would sleep with a few different women a week
Text /meet up with multiple women at a time
Play us off against each other etc

Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom
It's difficult sometimes when you have thoughts in your head but nobody to off load too
So anything to vent off to is helpful

This.

The exs in my life are there because they asked to be and cleared the air first, it doesn’t happen by osmosis.

I would never re-add someone who had voluntarily absented themselves from my social media.

The only way back would be if they specifically requested they wanted to be re-added (I’m not a mind reader). And they would need to ask nicely and make it clear they’re not still in a resentful and vindictive state of mind - that ain’t sexy.

I wouldn’t go searching for someone I had fallen out with, who I hadn’t seen nor heard from for ages. It probably would never cross my mind to do it as I tend to keep myself busy with the present rather than the past.

It may be this woman barely even thinks of you, let alone contemplates a social media association.

You sound a bit deluded if you expect people to come find you after you exited yourself from social media.
It’s all a bit like a toddler playing hide and seek. Adults express and articulate their thoughts and feelings clearly, then you have a chance of being understood and getting what you want.

I can't be friends with ex's
Too much passion and pain.
Avoid her - she'll just keep pulling you in.