Do men have similar emotions to women and hide them or just not have them?

[Fortheloveof83]

I’m just wondering why are we are so far apart emotionally? Do they have emotions and hide them or are they just not there?

As a women I get fed up for being told that I use emotions as a way of manipulating or wanting something. Why do men and a lot of women now say these things?

It’s an overcompensation to guard against the accusation of being wholly controlled by your emotions, rather than by a dispassionate and objective rationality which is largely seen as preferable in a post enlightenment society. The pendulum has swung too far in the other direction.

It would be better (I think) to acknowledge and understand your emotions, and to accept that they are one part of the bigger picture (they can be useful and help guide you without you being totally controlled by them). That is easier said than done though, it probably does feel easier in the short term to repress them, and try to ignore them.

https://www.google.com/search?q=the+mask+you+wear+yo+utube&rlz=1CAEVJI_enGB1049GB1049&oq=the+mask+you+wear+yo+utube&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIJCAEQIRgKGKABMgkIAhAhGAoYoAEyCQgDECEYChigAdIBCDg4MDNqMGo3qAIIsAIB&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:92fa81ae,vid:mMQKi88LJlQ,st:0

So is it only men that have a mask?

No. Actually all can be included.

However OP asked a specific question.

@Nesbi is that because being seen as driven by emotions is female and therefore stupid and less than men who have always been more than?

I don’t think “stupid” is right, but there is a lot of gender stereotyping involved. Unfortunately I’m at work so can’t really get my thoughts into shape, but it is an interesting subject.

No, it's because men don't want to appear weak (especially in front of other men) and so they suppress emotions that project vulnerability. That's why anger is generally the only 'acceptable' emotion for many men, because it's an emotion that projects threat rather vulnerability.

Some men clearly do not see or feel the world the way women do. DP is ruthless and says he feels nothing, and when he does, it dissipates and he carries on. He thinks that, in general, men do not have the heightened emotions that women do. Additionally, he believes that socialization is not a valid science.

Abusers always tell you your emotions are wrong.

They tell you you overreact, are oversensitive, are a hysterical woman. They hate empathy or kindness (that's not directed at them) and will mock or attack you for it.

They use their emotions like rage, to manipulate you and, as abusers do, reverse uno that onto you. Accusing you of what they do.

They make you think you have no right to your feelings so that you feel wrong for calling them out on their bullshit. And so that you eventually actually do go crazy.

Normal men have normal human emotions.
If a man is making out, for example, that your perfectly reasonable reactions to shit behaviour are irrational or that you're somehow bad for having them - you are in an abusive relationship.

You may have got into thinking this is normal for men, so you keep dating bad ones or keeping them in your life in other capacities. But it's not normal and it's not a 'man' thing. It's an abuser thing.

Run.

@Pinkbonbon its my father in law that mocks me, and his son really in a different way.

Ps: any partner, friend or family member who sees you in genuine distress and rather than try to comfort you, understand why and stop the source of it, tells you you are manipulating - is a piece of shit. Remove them from your life.

And MIL I should add.

Looks like you both need to distance yourself from the horrible bully then. Hopefully your partner finds the strength to do so.

But know that if your partner continues to allow this man to bully you without standing up for you (and either removing his dad from his life or, really laying down the law) you should leave him. Because a partner who let's people treat you that way doesn't respect you either.

I think males are still raised with the attitude 'boys don't cry' and are usually expected to hide their softer side.

@Pinkbonbon Ive removed my emotional connection to them and I’ve removed any expectations and removed myself physically from group family chats as it was all weird. I’ve explained to my DP that it’s to protect myself as they don’t treat me the way I would expect people to.

Good question 👏👏👏
Maybe, men are more emotional than women 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤔

Men are full human beings with all that implies. They just tend to express their emotions differently than women do. Neither way is right or wrong, just different.

Good on you. I hope he is supporting you in that even if he's not ready to distance himself yet.

Lifes too short to hang around wankers.

Oh and, if you haven't already, I'd advise against having kids if he still sees these people regularly and hasn't wised up to them being abusive. Because otherwise he will have the children around them. And children don't belong anywhere near abusive grandparents (I speak from personal exp here) even if he stays with them. Abusers love to target children for shaming etc... and that can even be done with parents present.

So don't bring kids into it.

Of course men experience human emotions. They are human beings.

Not all men display those emotions, or display them in ways that you might see a woman displaying them, but that doesn't mean they aren't real.

Many men will only display emotion in an 'acceptably male' context. E.g. sport - watch the behaviour of the men in the stands at a big football match and tell me that it isn't being used as an outlet for emotions they don't feel able to express elsewhere!

Socialisation and toxic masculinity are at the root of this.

If you are dating men who claim to feel no emotions, or who call you manipulative for having emotions, you need to seriously rethink your selection criteria.

And yes - anger is an emotion, typically displayed far more by men than women. Male anger is considered socially acceptable provided it stops short of violence.

Male violence is also used as an outlet for negative emotions, and we all know the stats on that.

Perhaps a sign of the times but increasingly female anger and violence seems to be common and acceptable.

Yes we do have emotions, but unlike women we are not generally emotional, or show our emotions at the drop of a hat. I don't think it's a "taught" behaviour either - I think just generally speaking we don't like to get emotional, or let the emotions get better of us. Not all men are like tbis either but I'd say majority are.

@Pinkbonbon we have a daughter together who is 1.5. They aren’t really bothered with her. They do dote on their other grandchild from the brother, literally can’t do enough for that family. The less I have to see them the better so ok with me. He is not ready to accept what’s happening. His outlet it seems is collecting useless crap that should be chucked away!

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist yes they seem very angry watching football. I’ve read anger is at the top of the iceberg and many emotions live below. Must be suppressed something.