Why are some men so confusing?!

[Positivevibes1]

Hi everyone

so here goes - I’ve been seeing a guy for the past 6 months. Everything started off great and we were very close until we had a minor disagreement - this created a wedge between us however we still continued to see each-other, but we toned down the frequent messaging and dates and kept it a little more relaxed, seeing eachother every few weeks (but when we did see eachother felt normal again). However recently, he has asked me if I am dating other people as he wants to date another person and “see where it goes”. I replied very quickly and said it was fine (think I done this hastily as was embarrassed) assuming that we’d stop speaking so he could pursue this new person however he has now just messaged me asking to meet up tonight?! Wtf?! I’m not sure what to make of it and will obviously just be upfront and ask when I get the guts but what the fuck is going on and why do some men do this?! ANY thoughts/advice welcome as I’m so confused on what could be going through his mind?

Don't ever say 'it's fine' or 'it's ok.' When it's not.
You should say 'I'm not going to continue dating you if you want to date other people, if you want to pursue that connections that's your perogative but we'll no longer see each other.

He hasn’t come back to you though - he’d just be up for a casual shag with you. And maybe someone else tomorrow.

You appeared not completely outraged at his suggestion, so he’s taken that as you’re ok with the casual thing.

Not that deep. And he’s done nothing objectively wrong. But he’s obviously not worth investing anything in! So don’t even reply

I question if the other woman even existed. Probably just trying to make you jealous, when it didn’t work he figured he’d ask you out again 😂

What do you want OP?

Are you looking for casual or more exclusive?

Painfully true. Thanks for sending this x

This is what a few of my friends think but not sure if it’s the blind leading the blind here 😂

I couldn't be bothered with this one. If he wanted you for real he would have made it happen. Him pursuing another woman instead and now asking to meet (assuming it didn't work out with that other woman)... no thanks.

I don't think he's being confusing. I think he's doing what he wants. You're reading meaning into his actions at points that make sense to you, but he operates differently.

it almost felt like a farewell message and we didn’t speak for a week (which is unlike him) so I assumed

So what it 'felt like' to you isn't objective, and what you 'assumed' isn't objective, and the fact that the two of you see things differently indicates your incompatibility. Everyone, friends, family, dates, partners, colleagues etc will be confusing to you if you are not compatible within the format of the relationship you're in. The trick is not to worry about it, in the same way that, if you don't like a particular food, you don't worry about it. If you and broccoli aren't compatible, just eat something else. You don't have to spend time worrying about why broccoli is disagreeable to you.

If something/someone doesn't make sense to you, move on. Keep doing that until all you have left are people and situations that do make sense to you. That's how to create a happy life.

I don’t think men are confusing. If they’re into you, they make it very obvious. If they don’t, they’re probably not. Sounds like you need to chuck this one back - you can do better!

He did that because you’re letting him. You’re on the bench.

Just for the fact he asked if he could date others, I would never speak to him again.

It just means he is not that bothered about you. He can't come back from this either way. Men that are truly smitten would never say this and risk messing up.

I don’t understand why you are so confused — you were (presumably) exclusive at one point, you had a tiff and downgraded to seeing one another less often, he asked if you were ok with him also starting to date someone else as an experiment, you said yes, he presumably saw her. Either it didn’t go well and he’s not taking it further (or she isn’t), or he still wants to see you too, and see where your relationship goes. If you’re not interested in this, say so. What do you want?

But he’s never pretended to be smitten…? They had an argument and started only seeing one another every few weeks, and cutting down on contact in between — none of that suggests either one is smitten. The fact that he asked if she was also seeing anyone else suggests he accorded him the same freedom.

It doesn't matter though does it?

Whether this other woman is real or not, he's messing you around. He's not being confusing, he's telling you he's just not that interested.

So take the hint, ditch him.

I know him going out with another then coming back to you is confusing and hurtful… but on the other hand by doing this he had remover ALL confusion. He has shown that he is not ready for a serious relationship so move on and don’t see him. He is happy to mess with your feelings and so he is being manipulative and untrustworthy. Not characteristics many find attractive. Not all men are like that I promise you. You deserve someone who will cherish you. Don’t settle for less. It took me ages to find a good man but I did and so will you. Learn from the mistakes and move on. See it as a lesson learned and pick yourself up.

This is 1 of 2 possibilities (in my opinion): 1. Due to the cooling of the relationship, he was testing the water to see how you really feel, or 2. He did want to date someone else and it didn't work out. Either way, who wants to be involved in someone who plays games instead of being up front?

u rnt his thing, but if he needs sex he contacts u, if yr ok with that fine if not just block and move on.